Poolhall Junkies Page #4

Take a cab home. I'm gonna get out of here.

- I wanna go with you, man.

- Just do as I say, all right?

I made a Freudian slip yesterday.

I meant to ask my wife to pass the butter...

but instead I said,

"You b*tch! You've ruined my life!"

- That's lovely. Excuse us.

- My pleasure.

- You're late.

- You look fantastic.

You're still late. What took you so long?

You didn't tell me

the guy lived in Sherwood Forest.

It took me an hour to find the place.

I had to leave a trail of breadcrumbs

along the way, to find my way back.

You don't look so bad yourself.

- I can't believe I got you in a suit.

- Me, neither.

It's going back tomorrow.

I know how you hate these things.

Thank you for coming.

No problem.

Here comes the wicked witch of the world.

- Brace yourself.

- Be nice.

There you are. I want you

to meet some friends of mine.

Tara, this is Bernice and Laurence Winthrop.

Richard Illich, and this is Brian Schwartz.

Everyone, this is Tara.

And John. Hi, John.

I'm surprised to see you here,

what with your busy schedule and all.

- I can't believe you actually made it.

- I did, Beth, all right? So relax.

No, really.

What has been keeping you so busy?

I know you're always fashionably late...

but I would just love to know

what kept us all waiting for you today.

I've been here for about an hour already.

I just was outside,

helping the valets kick- start your broom.

They had trouble finding your keys.

I think that was the problem.

Beth, may I speak to you for a moment?

John, I must say my curiosity is piqued.

What kind of business are you in?

- I kind of move money around.

- Money management. Hard currency?

- Generally.

- It's a risky business.

What's your loss ratio?

Larry, I don't lose money that often.

Really? What's your technique?

Let's just say I kind of

take it out of other people's pockets...

and put it in my pocket,

you know what I'm saying?

Okay, excuse me.

Excuse me, handsome. You got anything

in this joint besides champagne?

I didn't think so.

Lawyers' party, big deal. Can't get a beer.

I'm going outside. Get some smog.

What do you call a thousand lawyers...

buried up to their neck in sand?

- What?

- Not enough sand.

- Hi, Mike Flynn.

- John Doyle.

I saw you come in.

- Good hair.

- You, too.

Are we related?

Only kidding.

I retired last month...

so my friends drag me to these things.

They try to keep me busy.

What do you do?

I don't know.

You could say I'm self- employed.

That's good. It's wise.

When I was a kid, I figured out right away...

most companies pay people enough,

so as they don't quit.

People work hard enough,

so as they don't get fired.

You know, what's that?

Bullshit is what that is.

You play pool, Mike?

A little. Why do you ask?

Because you got a crease on your pants.

I'm not sure I wanna be hanging out with

a guy who noticed a crease in my pants.

I didn't say "a crease in your pants. "

I said "a crease on your pants. "

It's horizontal, below the pocket.

Normally, I might think

that would come from bad dry- cleaning.

But a guy like you

doesn't get bad dry- cleaning, do you?

Comes from playing pool.

When you lean against the table

to take a shot...

table makes a slight crease in your pants.

Yours happens to be accentuated...

by a little bit of blue chalk,

something only found on a pool table.

You're right. I've been playing pool.

Losing my ass all night

on that stupid table they got upstairs.

You say they got a table upstairs?

Come here.

That's how we do it.

It's no fair playing a guy on his own table.

One more setup, Jack.

It's my party. You'll owe me.

That's it for me.

- Tapped out?

- Phil over here is a ringer.

Mike, you back for some more?

I'm just getting started.

Phil, that's a friend of mine, John Doyle.

Phil Stein. It's his house.

John, nice to see you. You shoot pool?

I play a little.

We've been playing a little. Doubles, 8- ball.

But everybody here seems to be tapped out.

- You and Mike wanna take him on?

- Sure.

Why not double the stakes?

Are you sure you could afford it?

You're down quite a bit right now.

I'd be careful if I were you.

I don't have a lot of money on me tonight.

It's okay, I'll cover us both.

Let's play, like children.

This one's for all the marbles, boys.

Maybe, if I just...

I guess even a blind squirrel can find a nut

every once in a while.

What are you trying to say, Phil?

I'm not trying to say anything.

I'm just saying that shot was luck.

You couldn't do that again

in a million years.

I don't have to make it again

in a million years. I made it just now.

I'm saying it was luck.

Nobody can make that shot. It's impossible.

I can.

What's that?

Set 'em up, I'll make it.

I'll even make it one- handed.

Did I stutter?

Everybody got all quiet, and sh*t.

About a minute ago, it was like an Elk's

Lodge meeting up in this motherf***er.

Now suddenly it's quiet as a church.

Who is this guy?

- You're not serious, are you?

- Of course I am. What's it worth to you?

You're down quite a bit right now, Phil.

I'd be careful if I were you.

One hand?

All right, I'll bet you anything you want.

Anything?

All right.

You have a young paralegal

that works for you.

She's about to take the bar.

Even though I'm sure she's great

at what she does...

I think she'll make an even better lawyer.

I say this:
If I make that shot...

you gotta give her a job as a lawyer

in your firm.

One year. No special treatment.

- Just a job and a chance to prove herself.

- That's ridiculous.

We scout the top law school graduates...

from all over the country for that job.

It starts at six figures, plus benefits.

Tell me, what the hell

are you gonna put up against that...

if you miss?

How about...

my new Benz?

It's got a can't-get-lost system.

It's beautiful.

I know you want it.

You can own it.

All right. You got balls, kid.

Set it up.

Thanks.

So what do you say?

Come back to my boat, a little wine,

a little dancing.

You should see the moon over the water.

- It's intoxicating.

- Will your wife be there?

Honey, you'll never believe

what just happened.

Excuse me.

Can't you see I'm talking to the lady?

Now you're not. So beat it.

Where've you been?

I've been looking for you all night.

Upstairs. I've got an unbelievable story

to tell you.

Can't you see

she doesn't want to talk to you?

Come on, Tara. Let's go.

- I'm not going anywhere with you.

- Who the f*** is this?

- He's a lawyer in our firm. He's a little drunk.

- I don't care who he is.

You talk to my girl again like that,

I'll take your teeth out with pliers.

Don't talk to him like that.

You'll get me fired.

- I can talk to him any kind of way I want.

- Good playing.

You had Phil shaking

like a dog shitting peach seeds.

Here's your end. And here's my card.

You come across action like that again,

count me in.

You know him?

You know him?

You hustled my boss?

Of course you did.

Why should tonight be any different?

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