Poolhall Junkies Page #5

You can't do anything

without playing an angle, can you?

I'm sorry, Uncle Mike.

I shouldn't have brought him here.

- That's your Johnny.

- This is Uncle Mike?

- You don't understand, sweetheart- -

- I understand.

You think about one thing.

You care about one thing, and it is not me.

Please don't go. Get the f*** off me!

Are you crazy?

Women. You can't even

live with them anymore.

So, what about you?

I'll give you the keys,

and you can stay overnight at the office.

Thanks, Nick.

What are you going to do?

Gonna give up pool

and try to go back to her?

I gotta tell you something.

I don't think you can give up the game,

because you love it too much.

I don't know. Joe messed me up good.

Joe had nothing to do with it,

for Christ's sake!

Your trouble is, you played so many bums,

you almost became a bum yourself.

And you're not!

You're suffering from

a minor- league syndrome, understand?

You've gotta pull your ass out of that.

Tang and Danny don't belong in this place.

They don't belong in the world of pool.

But you do, for Christ's sake!

You have one of the most natural talents

in that arm I've ever seen in my life.

And what do you do?

You walk around pretending,

"I don't deserve it. "

But you do deserve it,

don't you understand that?

That's a waste!

It's one of the biggest

wastes in the world...

because you have the ability to be the best!

You come here.

You go around...

thinking you're a loser...

and, boy, you'll become a loser.

And pretty soon...

the only people you'll be able to beat...

are those people who think

they're bigger losers than you are.

Think it over.

Don't you f***ing move!

You're gonna shoot me, Joe? Go ahead.

You killed me a long time ago.

You ungrateful f***ing prick.

You don't remember, do you?

Where would you be without me?

I found you on the street,

living above the arcade with the rats.

Your mother and father

didn't care about you.

But I did. I was your father.

I bought you shoes and clothes.

I cleaned you up.

I taught you a skill.

I taught you the game.

The car you drive, the women you're with...

- everything you are, you are because of me.

- And what's that, Joe?

A f***ing con man, a liar?

Someone who knows how to f*** you

before you f*** me?

I don't want to be that anymore.

- You owe me!

- I don't owe you f***ing sh*t!

Don't tell me how you did it for me,

because you did it for yourself.

You saw a meal ticket in me,

and you f***ing cashed it.

But you sold me out cheap, man.

You never gave me a chance.

What, you think I'd get too big for you?

Like I wouldn't need you anymore?

I needed you, Joe. I needed you a lot.

Because, you know, you're right.

My father never gave a f*** about me.

I needed you to be my father.

You don't like the way that tastes,

go ahead and shoot me.

You're a tough guy. You can do it.

You were never good enough to be a pro.

At 14, they would've chewed you up.

You should thank me. I saved you.

- Maybe he's gay.

- I think he might be.

- Are you gay? That's cool.

- I am not gay!

A little loud.

I think girls are a little weird, that's all.

This weekend, I was at this chick's house,

28 years old...

and she still has stuffed animals on her bed.

- Don't you find that strange?

- All chicks have stuffed animals.

They're chicks, they're weird.

You can't let that bother you.

- Scoot over.

- Dude, what happened?

What the f*** did you do

to your f***ing hand?

I was drunk.

I slammed it in the door of my car.

- You gotta go see a doctor.

- I'll go. It's all right.

- You want me to take you?

- I'm good.

- I came here to talk to Max, actually.

- What's up?

I figured with my hand broke up like this...

I should get a job,

'cause I won't be shooting pool no more.

- You are drunk.

- How can I help?

I figured since you're the only degenerate

here who's got a job...

maybe I might ask that you put in a word

with that Merv guy.

Merv? You f***ing kidding me?

He's not the kind you'd want to work for.

- Why?

- He's kind of a f***ing a**hole.

So, how bad could it be?

Come on, he's a good friend of mine.

Then definitely no. You think I want

anyone else like you working here?

Next thing, it'll be mutiny at Merv's.

Then they'll find me face down

in a puddle of blue toilet water.

Don't you want a good salesman?

The sign in your office- -

I know what the sign says.

Did you ever sell motor homes before?

Did you ever sell cars before?

Have you ever sold anything before?

Then why the hell should I hire you?

- Because I got ESPN.

- ESP.

What the hell are you two talking about?

You know, Dionne Warwick,

Psychic Friends, all that.

It'll be a great asset for a salesman...

to know what a customer's thinking

at all times.

- I don't believe in that sh*t.

- You don't?

- I don't.

- Then let me prove it to you.

- How?

- I don't know. Let's make a bet.

- What kind of bet?

- Don't. Remember what happened last time?

What happened the last time?

Nothing. Forget it. We'll go somewhere else.

I'm tired of people not believing

in my psychic abilities here.

I'll tell you what.

If I can tell you where you got your shoes,

you give me a job, all right?

If not, I don't know, you can have my ring.

If not, I don't know, you can have my ring.

- He never gets the first one right.

- Will you shut up?

Fine, you got yourself a bet.

Sounds good to me.

Why don't you guys shake on it?

But you'll never get that job,

I'll tell you why.

I got these shoes when I was on a cruise,

in international waters.

So no matter what you say,

you're gonna lose.

I never said I could tell you

where you bought your shoes.

I said I can tell you where you got 'em.

Right now, you got your shoes on your feet.

- I hate it when that happens.

- How's today for you? Can you start today?

Hi, this is Tara. Leave a message.

Pick up the phone, will you, please?

Sweetheart, please pick up the phone.

I'm tired of leaving messages.

Hello?

I'll just leave you ridiculous sh*t

on your machine...

until you run out of tape, okay?

Pick up the phone. Hello?

All right, what do you want?

Who is this? Beth?

- I wanna speak to Tara.

- Tara doesn't want to speak to you.

Put her on the phone for me,

will you, please?

It's important. I need to speak with her.

God damn it.

- Don't take that tone with me.

- There's something I have to say to her.

- It's very important.

- Tell me. I'll give her the message.

- Bye.

- No, wait. Hold on.

Can you take a message for me?

Okay, great.

Get a pen and paper.

Do you have one handy?

- Right here.

- You have it in your hand?

Write this down for me, please.

- We gotta follow our dreams, right?

- Right.

We live for the moment, right?

Love what you do while you're alive, 'cause

tomorrow a truck could hit you, right?

So I'm doing the right thing by taking

all the money my family's ever saved...

for me to go to college with, and use it

to bankroll myself on the road, right?

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