Poolhall Junkies Page #6

- You're not serious.

- He's serious.

I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Please do something.

I've talked to him all day,

but he won't listen.

In that case, if he's got his mind made up,

there's no talking him out of it...

the only thing left to do

is to send him out in style.

Party, Chris's house, tomorrow night.

His parents are out of town.

Robin Hood,

thank you for donating my place.

Sorry, my parents just got

brand- new white carpeting.

Anything gets on that, and I am a dead man.

There is no way we could possibly have

a party at my house.

Could everyone please stand on the plastic?

What's going on? How are you doing?

What's going on?

Can I get you guys a beer?

How you doing?

What's up, doc?

Listen, man, the key to picking up women

is very simple.

Old Spice and Aqua Velva.

Are you kidding?

That's the sh*t my dad uses.

Exactly. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

This is the old- school sh*t.

What the f*** are you looking at?

It's cool.

It just seems like

everybody I meet nowadays is just...

weird.

What's up, my man?

I find myself wanting to meet a girl

who is completely normal, for a change.

You don't have any tattoos, do you?

Good.

Sweetheart, come on, Jacuzzi. You'll love it.

- What are you doing?

- Eating pop rocks, drinking pop.

Are you out of your f***ing mind?

What's the matter with you?

Don't you know a kid died like that?

- Wait a minute.

- What?

Do you have any stuffed animals

on your bed?

No, of course not.

Okay, that's good.

What are you doing?

Choke me.

- What?

- Choke me. I like it.

Oh, my God!

That's just... Jesus!

Yo, Romeo. Grab a brew and relax.

- That's easy for you to say. Jesus!

- Where's Tang?

Last time I saw him, I think

he was adopted by a 12- year- old boy.

Seriously, I can't believe

he's really going on the road.

Me, neither.

He has no idea what the f*** he's in for.

I think that's kind of the point.

But he doesn't realize

the situation that he's in.

It's not about the money.

He's gambling with his future.

If he fucks this up, then he can regret it

for the rest of his life.

- What's he got in the box, anyway?

- $40,000.

What? $40,000?

And you morons

didn't try to talk him out of it?

- What's wrong with you?

- I tried.

He's so jonesed about this,

he doesn't listen to us.

He's just trying to be like you.

- All right, guys.

- You get 'em, baby.

You go get 'em, Tang.

All right. It's me against the world, baby!

- Yeah, baby.

- You go shoot some stick, now.

- Think he'll last a month?

- I'll give you 3- to- 1.

- I'll take it.

- All right.

- Who is next?

- That's what I'm talking about, baby.

Okay, mister.

I didn't even have any of it, you know.

Bye- bye. Anybody else? I'm game.

Anybody in here play for money?

- What do you play for?

- What do you got?

- I play $20 a game.

- How about we play $100?

And I'll give you four balls off the table.

You play 8- ball?

We usually play 9- ball.

You give me four balls off the table,

you got a game.

Put it up.

- Call it.

- Heads.

Take 'em down.

- Do it again?

- Put it up.

What's going on?

This guy's giving Chris four balls

off the table for $100 a rack.

Four balls off the table?

Since when does Chris play 8- ball?

I don't know. Why?

Four balls off the table's

the biggest hustle in the world.

Chris is getting his balls out of the way,

so this f***er can shoot.

That's game. Do it again?

- One more time.

- What's up?

- I'm about to beat this guy's ass.

- How much you down?

$200.

We've played two games

and I haven't shot yet.

As soon as he fucks up, I'll be on his ass.

Have you forgotten?

I'm on in an hour. Let's go.

- He's giving me four balls off the table!

- Let's go.

He's hustling you.

This guy's a f***ing hustler. Let's go.

Take 'em down.

All right, Max, let's go.

We can't leave Chris here.

What if the f***er tries to start something?

He'll learn his lesson. Let's go.

I'll see you later. Don't be late.

I hate choosing.

I'm such a b*tch.

Let's get to work!

Poor little white trash

Say you got some extra cash

Why don't you come

and blow it all on me?

I ain't nothing but a smart ass

drinking from an empty glass

I'm as crazy as a tree

What's your hurry?

Don't you worry, baby

Never shed a tear for me

Don't you worry, baby

I'm cold as a boy can be

I ain't scared of a broken heart

I get bored with the easy part

Heaven knows I'm a redneck gigolo

I think you and I

should go down by the seaside

Pick up all the dead things on the beach

Ain't nothing but a washed- up world

You ain't nothing but a stupid girl

I think that's the way that life ought to be

What's your hurry?

Don't you worry, baby

Never shed a tear for me

Don't you worry, baby

I'm cold as a boy can be

I ain't scared of a broken heart

I get bored with the easy part

Heaven knows I'm a redneck gigolo

Come on!

All right, man.

Man, you were really good tonight.

Thanks, Harold.

Too bad no one will ever know.

Thanks for coming. I appreciate that.

Don't tell me. You lost.

- I know. I f***ed up, okay?

- Yeah, you f***ed up.

- God damn it. How much did you lose?

- $2,000.

- What the f*** are you doing here?

- I'm waiting for you.

Now that Johnny's gone,

you're the top dog around here.

Maybe you want to step up.

You ain't welcome around here no more.

Nick says you're out.

Tell him I'll burn this place to the ground

if he thinks I'm out.

And tell Johnny, when he gets his hand

out of that cast I put him in...

that I want his game, too.

- You did that to his hand?

- What the f*** will you do?

F***! It's f***ing bullshit, man.

We can't let them come into our pool room

and push us around.

- We gotta do something.

- What? Joe's a f***ing psycho. He'll kill us.

We've gotta beat him at his own game.

That sounds great, but Joe's got

this demon f***ing pool fiend with him.

- The guy never misses. He's unconscious.

- We'll get Johnny to play.

F*** that. Johnny's out of his mind.

He's got chick drama and a broken hand.

Anybody's gonna step up, it's gonna be me.

Are you deaf? Did you not hear me?

The guy never misses.

- He just destroyed me.

- Chris, I destroy you.

This is different. The guy's really good.

I'll play him on table 4.

Nobody knows better how that table rolls.

That's true.

Table 4 does roll pretty f***ed up.

You know why? I'm the one

who put the matchbox under the leg.

- Motherf***er.

- Give me my $100 back.

We're gonna have to pawn your car.

I need money to put pressure on them.

Wait a minute. Pawn my car?

- You're not gonna pawn my car.

- It's just for one day.

Are you out of your f***ing mind?

There's no way I'm gonna let you do this.

In a million years,

you are never gonna pawn my car.

Let's go, Phil. $500 a hole.

Let's get cracking.

Hold your horses. I gotta call my wife...

and tell her I'll be stuck in traffic

for at least a week.

Mr. Stein, you forgot to sign these.

Thank you.

That's great. You know...

I need to talk to the both of you.

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