Pootie Tang Page #2

that Daddy Tang forgot

to tell little Pootie.

Pootie Tang

turned out just fine.

Daddy Tang

would have been proud.

Pootie had it all--

hit records, movies...

magazine covers, fancy cars...

famous friends, beautiful

custom-made clothes...

and ladies, ladies, ladies.

Through it all, I was right there

by his side. That's me. Trucky.

And that's my man,

Pootie Tang.

Big-time celebrity,

ass-kickin' crime fighter...

and role model

to the children.

Pootie Tang has a message...

for the children of America...

so you better

wapatah to the bammies 'cause:

Pootie says cigarettes and fast-food

burgers are bad like netatai.

Don't drink malt liquor 'cause you

don't need to 'cause you're okay.

Sa da tay. Also, eat

all your vegetables...

and don't bang the dillies.

That's Frank,

Dick Lecter's right-handman.

So what do we care?

We care because

he's making these.

People have been making PSAs

for years. Hasn't made a difference.

Eddie, hit me

with those figures.

Since the inception

of Pootie Tang's PSA campaign...

sales of Lecter burgers

are down 30%...

Lecter cigarettes

down 20%...

and Lecter whiskey...

almost out of business.

For the first time, somebody's getting

to these kids, and it's killing us.

It's killing us.

It's killing us.

Hello, Mr. Lecter.

Frank, I have a job for you.

Yes, sir.

I tell you, man, Pootie Tang

is one bad brother, man.

That's J.B. and Lacey.

We make up Pootie's crew.

Pootie Tang will draw you a picture

of how he's gonna kick your ass...

then mail it to you

ten days in advance.

The picture

gets there, right?

You go,

"What the hell is this?"

Then Pootie Tang knocks on your

door, properly kicks your ass...

and you still won't know

what happened to you.

You got that right.

He is a kick-ass artiste.

Know what I'm sayin'?

He like the Da Vinci of ass-kicking.

That sounds kind of good. Pootie

Tang, the Da Vinci of ass-kicking.

Aw, man, Pootie Tang

whoop your ass so bad...

that you could

write it off on your taxes.

That's right. You got right here,

ass-whooping number one...

ass-whooping number two.

This here, you can't write that

off. That's just gettin' beat up.

I like to also add that Pootie Tang

can kick some ass too, boy.

Oh, here come Pootie Tang now.

Hey! Pootie Tang! All right!

- We was just talkin' about you.

- All right, Pootie Tang!

Pootie Tang, you going to Biggie

Shorty's party tomorrow, man?

I guess you're wonderin',

who is Biggie Shorty?

I'm Biggie Shorty.

Let me tell you

about me and Pootie Tang.

Since the very day we met,

I knew Pootie was to be my man.

I knew all I had

to do was wait...

and one day all that bullshit

would catch up with Pootie...

and he would be mine.

Hey, man, you going to Biggie

Shorty's party tomorrow, man?

Ranacan.

- We gonna party tomorrow, man.

- There's gonna be b*tches there.

You right. You right. Respect

the women. Respect the women.

- Look at that car!

- Damn that car big!

And long

like an old snake.

Man, that car's so big,

it's got its own sky.

Yeah, it's big too.

- Keep it running.

- Yes, sir.

Hiya, fellas.

- Kinda hot for a hootenanny, huh?

- You hear that?

A hootenanny? What the hell

is a damn hootenanny?

I'm looking

for Pootie Tang.

Pootie Tang? What you want

with Pootie Tang?

I need to talk to him.

All right, look, Pootie.

I'm a representative of Lecter Corp.

Do you know what that is?

Great.

Well, Dick Lecter...

the CEO, mind you,

of Lecter Corp., he likes you.

He likes you, Pootie, and he wants

to make you a very rich, rich man.

I have a contract here

for Pootie to endorse.

Tasty Heavy

Pork Chunk Cereal.

It's delicious. It's a wonderful

product. Kids love it.

And kids love you.

We just wanna put that together.

That's a canapan

to the semachai.

I didn't even tell you

how much it pays, Pootie.

Twenty million dollars

to sign with us for just one year.

Oh, what do you say,

Pootie?

I got to say

the nay-no, my brother.

- Wa-da-tah.

- Wa-da-tah?

How do you say the nay-no

to 20 million? Why?

Maybe Pootie don't wanna sign

because he knows you're full of it.

Yeah. First of all, he knows

that cereal's full of sugar.

And number two, that's not all

that you guys sell.

You sell cigarettes, whiskey,

Bad Time burgers, switchblades.

It also says here that you will no

longer have Pootie doing PSA's...

telling the kids to eat

healthy and to be smart.

Well, sure, exclusivity

goes without saying.

I'm sure your ugly intentions

go without saying.

Take a walk, money man.

See, my damie, Pootie Tang don't

wa-da-tah to the shama cow...

'cause that's a cama

cama leepa-chaiii, dig?

Hey, Tang, to you, they're children.

To me, they're dollar signs.

Cover your grill.

Sa da tay!

Aw, man!

You funny, man.

You are a funny man.

You's a wild boy.

Pootie smacked the taste

out of Frank's mouth.

Oh, man, that

was funny to us.

But there was one man

who was not laughing at all.

Pootie Tang goes out there

and makes everybody love him.

He tells them

not to buy my products.

He steals from me.

And what do I do?

I say take my money. Here.

Take it. Fine. Huh?

And he says no.

I guess you're wondering,

who is this b*tch here?

That's lreenie,

Dick Lecter's main squeeze...

and the most dangerous

woman on the planet.

Now, she don't look it,

but she can bring any man down.

I know what makes

Pootie Tang...

tick, tock, tick.

That's cool. All right.

Cut the drums too.

It's all gone now, Pootie.

What do you wanna do?

Lepa time.

What's he got on his mind?

We're starting

from scratch, I guess.

Pootie knows what Pootie do.

This is gonna be good.

Okay, Pootie, I'll play back

the levels the way you set them.

No instruments, no vocals,

no levels, everything silent.

Set it on me. Bleed.

Pootie don't need no words.

Don't even need no music.

We have got a hit, baby.

I like it.

Everybody seems to like it.

But right now I got somethin'

I know you all gonna like.

We got the world premiere

from Pootie Tang...

and you know it's gonna

be out of this world.

That's right. 'Causeyou

all loved his last record...

"Sine Your Pitty

on the Runny Kine."

Well, you all gonna

love this new one.

The new one is called--

So let's listen up to the new

record by Pootie Tang called--

From Pootie Tang.

Oh, yeah.

Damn, this is good!

This is good!

Man, Pootie done did it again!

Pootie too good!

Pootie too good!

Pootie too good!

Pootie too good!

Turn that noise down, damn it!

Legendary Pootie Tang has done it

once again with his new song--

Already considered one of

the greatest hits of all time.

- This was the scene earlier...

- Oh, you are so fine.

as fans mobbed Pootie Tang

in the streets...

many saying they hadn't heard

an artist this profound...

since AIB. Sure.

I love you!

Pootie was blowin' up now.

We talkin' big. I mean,

we talkin' "Macarena" big.

We talkin'

electric slide big.

We're talkin' Bentleys

and drinkin' Crys big...

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