Pootie Tang Page #3

girls in bikini thongs big.

Everybody want a piece of Pootie.

You think I'm playin'?

Here we go, baby.

Come on. Get up here.

Aiight!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We got Pootie Tang

in the house tonight.

Come on up, Pootie.

Come on.

I need you to sing

a song with me.

Beloved.

I love you,

Pootie Tang. Damn.

That's a batu shane,

my tellie.

I'm

Falling in love

with you

Because you are

my man so right

Tippi tai on my capa-town

And I'm

Oh, yeah

Thinking of only you

Because you move me

so right

All around my damie

I feel you

All on me, baby

I got you

I got you, baby

Whoa, yeah, yeah

On my clammy dees

On my damie kings

I'm a cry the pooster

I'm a cry the pooster

Pootie Tang

up in this joint tonight.

I love you. I want you.

Oh, take me with you.

Please, Pootie.

Pootie, please. Please.

Wait! Oh! Pootie!

Wait!

Oh, Pootie, I love you.

I want you.

I love you, Pootie.

Please!

Don't leave me out here

in my lonesome.

Give a girl something!

It's not right.

She's fine!

Why did Pootie pass that up?

'Cause she's crazy. Look at her,

licking milk out of a bowl.

Oh, Pootie Tang, you gonna

sine that pitty Pootie Tang

- All right!

- Bata shane, my dillie?

Same as always, baby.

You come by tomorrow.

We gonna have a party!

Talk about

all the sisters and me.

You gonna be there?

All right, Pootie!

Hey, young boys.

Hey, look at her, man.

Pink lady.

Pull up, man. Pull up.

Pull up!

What you want?

- You want somethin'?

- Yes, baby, I want it.

What you want?

I want you to do

the two of us.

How much?

Hey, baby,

what's your problem?

Just 'cause a girl

like to dress fancy...

and stand on a street corner

near some whores...

you automatically

think she's hooking?

Wouldn't you?

No, I wouldn't.

I'm a lady,

you greasy bastard.

Oh, yeah! Pootie Tang

and his boys are here!

Yo, man, a Biggie Shorty party

is exclusive, man.

They don't let nobody

in a Biggie Shorty party.

They got a line around the block.

Ain't nobody in, man.

You know what? Nobody we know

can get in this party, man.

They don't let no light in.

They don't let no electricity in.

They don't let no water in.

They don't let no air in.

Air is going, "Man, I'm air.

I'm on the list. Let me in."

And they won't let air in.

And you know air gets in everywhere.

That's how exclusive

a Biggie Shorty party is.

You know what else?

It's hard to get in too.

I hate you!

Go, Trucky! Go, Trucky!

Go, Trucky! Go, Trucky!

Go, Trucky! Go, Trucky!

Go, Trucky!

Pretty girl. Pretty girl.

Where you go, girl?

Pootie, you are the sexiest

bastard on God's green earth.

- Yeah.

- I tell you, though.

Someday I'm gonna get me

a piece of you myself.

- Sepatown.

- Sepatown, my ass.

You gonna be inside

of a bed with me someday.

You mark my words,

you skinny, wonderful man.

Pretty girl!

Pretty girl!

Sexy!

Pretty girl? Pretty girl!

How does a woman

get to you anyway?

It's like a state secret.

How to bed Pootie Tang.

Get off him already.

He don't want none of your mess.

I tell you what, Pootie.

Someday you gonna meet

your match in a woman.

Someday you gonna meet

the Darth Vader of T. and A.

Some woman's gonna kick

your ass and love you to death...

and then you gonna be

lying in the Dumpster...

done banged to death

by the dark side of love.

And on that day, Pootie...

I'm gonna be there.

And I'm gonna make

sweet love to you.

Sexy girl!

- Damn, man.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought she was

somebody else, man. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.

Damn. I didn't get

your name, did l?

Damn. Do I know you?

Do you want me

to pull your legs off?

- Pardon me?

- You wanna make out?

I might enjoy that.

I just might enjoy that.

I might enjoy that. You know,

I just might enjoy that.

Shut up!

Okay, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute!

Look here. Call me a sissy,

but you need to stop, baby.

You are tearing me apart.

You're killing me.

- You want me to stop?

- Well, yes, I do.

Okay, then,

you tell me something.

- What do you wanna know?

- What's Pootie's secret?

I can't tell you that.

Now, I would never do

anything to hurt Pootie Tang.

But like I said, Ireenie knew

how to break a brother down.

- I can't tell you that.

- You can't? All right.

Okay, wait. I'll tell you.

I'll tell you.

I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

It's the belt.

It's the belt.

It's magical.

He can kick anybody's ass

with that damn belt.

Yeah. Give me your money,

you fancy pants bastard...

or I'll stick this

in you deep.

Wa-da-tah,

my damie.

Hey, I'm not your damie. Now, give

me your cash. I know you got it.

Hey, I told you to back off!

Pootie, the craziest thing

just happened to me.

I'm in the club, man.

I'm-- Pootie, look out.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Pootie?

Everything under control?

Kayed a brother, di.

Kayed a brother, di!

I'm a shamey day!

I'm a shamey day!

Oh, it hurts Pootie

to kill a man...

but he knows

he's got to do it.

But it hurts him so bad...

to right those wrongs.

My man Pootie Tang!

Come back

on the bettie tai!

Come back on

the bettie tai!

Come back

on the bettie tai!

Hey, all right, my damie.

Why didn't Trucky tell Pootie that

he told Ireenie all his business?

Just runnin' his mouth.

I guess when you see a man

being brought back from the dead...

you forget sh*t.

Or maybe you just

a dumb-ass.

Stop the movie. Remember when

Daddy Tang told little Pootie--

Don't let the ladies

come between you and the belt.

Well, what Daddy Tang forgot to tell

Pootie was about his only weakness.:

ho's.

Even Pootie Tang's belt

was no match for Ireenie.

You can't beat a ho' with a belt.

They like that sh*t.

I'm sorry.

Did my cart hit your cart?

I'm so sorry about that.

Did I hurt you?

Oh, what a drag.

Again, I am...

very sorry!

Pootie, will you do

something for me?

Will you do something

for Ireenie?

Sign your pretty name.

Sign it.

Sign it. Sign it.

Sign it.

He signed it.

He signed it.

He signed it. Oh, God.

Signed it?

Nice job, Ireenie.

You're a damn genius, baby.

"I, Pootie Tang, do surrender

to Lecter Corp...

all the rights to

my image and likeness."

Oh, yes, yes.

"I will whole heartedly endorse

all Lecter Corp. products...

and will do my best to convince

the children of the world...

that the above mentioned

are all clean, safe...

and should be bought

and used by all of them."

No, not

the tippi tais, no.

No, no. You are part of the

corporation, just like us.

Thought you could stay

out of it, huh?

Welcome aboard,

Pootie Tang.

Are you looking

for something, my friend?

Are you?

I've got it all now.

Shocking news today as beloved

Pootie Tang has agreed to endorse...

several controversial

products for Lecter Corp....

the infamous

giant corporation.

Yo, fellas, somethin' on the TV

about Pootie Tang.

Even my kids, man, looked up

to him. You know what I mean?

They don't even look at Dad

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