Pork Pie

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I'm coming for you, Boyo!

Get him! Dave, go to him!

You're gonna pay up, kid!

Dave, hurry the f*** up! Dave!

- Hey!

- Oh!

Get over here!

Come on, Joe!

Dave, get the window.

Where are you, kid?

Where the f*** are you?

Check it out.

F***!

Get in the car!

- Noah.

- Hmm?

What is Jon doing on my couch?

- Uh...

- Uh?

Thanks, Bex.

I don't love you as

if you were a rose.

Ah...

- See, I knew you would.

- No, no, Suzie. What? What?

- Just take it seriously, ok?

- Your mum would love it.

Morning, Fitbit.

I don't love you as if

you were a rose of salt, topaz...

You know, I've, um...

I've almost got the Holden going.

It's just a dodgy carb, I reckon.

- You know, the battery is...

- You know it's over, right?

Come on, man. I mean, you guys

gotta know where she is, right?

I mean, I just... I just wanna...

I just gotta talk to her.

Come on, hon.

You need to move on, eh?

What you did was unforgiveable.

I know it's...

What could you possibly

say to her, Jon?

Yeah, I know.

- She was absolutely devastated.

- I know.

Yeah, I know, I know.

- Which is why I need to talk to her.

- You hopeless bastard.

And... hello?

Come on. Come on. You can do it.

Believe in yourself.

Yes!

My hands are tied

oh, I could be a victim

when my tongue won't move

you have it tied

with your heartstrings

when I needed you most

I couldn't find the language

when I needed you more

I couldn't say a word

my hands truly tied...

Yeah, I know I'm a prisoner

when my tongue wouldn't move

you have it tied

with your heartstrings again...

When I needed you most

I couldn't find the language

when I needed you more...

I couldn't say a word

when I needed you most

I couldn't find the language

when I needed you more

I couldn't say a word.

Hello?

Hello?

Uh, the petrol's

self-service, mate.

Oh, I got a problem with the car.

I was hoping you'd take a look at it.

Think she might be overheating.

I don't know...

Sh*t. Sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Um...

Oh.

Yep.

Too busy, bro.

Hey, Noah.

What have you done

with my crane brothers suit?

You said borrow anything.

Yeah, I meant like golf clubs

or our box set of 'got', not a 2-k suit.

Oh, come on, man.

You know I'm good for it.

You'd better be.

It's Becca's favourite.

Where are you, anyway,

and why the friggin' suit?

I'm going to a wedding.

Well, you're not going

to Nick and Bella's.

I told you, man. I gotta see her.

No, this is such a bad idea.

So bad.

Whoa!

Bro, you got a death wish?

You're breaking...

You're breaking up.

- Let me call you back.

- No, no, no. Don't, don't, don't.

I'm sorry about that.

He's gonna kill me.

Well, he won't have to

if you stay there.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just... Trying

to get a lift south.

Oh.

Thanks, man.

Man, you wouldn't believe my morning.

My car shat its gearbox.

And then I had this,

like, uh, catastrophic governor failure.

Have you ever had one of those?

Yeah, no, you don't want to.

Trust me. It's a miracle I'm not toast.

Uh, bro, it's a miracle

you're not mince.

Yeah, man. Yeah, true. Thank you.

Thanks for not making me that.

This is a nice car

for a kid your age.

What is that supposed to mean?

Oh, no, nothing. No, nothing, man.

I just... I don't know.

Maybe you won big Wednesday

or something.

That's none of my business, really.

It's my mum's.

Oh, right on. Hip-hop mum. Hip mum.

Hip mum. Mean mum. Yeah.

Hey, man, this is gonna

sound pretty forthright,

but, um, can I have

the rest of that cookie time?

I just... I totally missed breakfast.

Nah, it's cool. That's cool.

Now, this is it

my turn to bring a new sh*t

dark and it's heavy

show me if you're ready

this is it

my turn to bring a new sound

and it's heavy.

Show me if you're ready

this is it

my turn to bring a...

Oh, hey.

- You want me to Chuck in some gas?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- Hello?

- Jon, Jon, Jon.

Hey, Sharon. Babe. Um, look, uh,

now's not actually such a good time.

"Sharon". 'Babe', my arse.

No, it's not a good time, is it, Jon?

Uh...

I've had the publisher's legal team

chasing me all week, darling.

They called me in the supermarket.

They called me in the middle of

my daughter's remedial gymnastics...

Jon...

Oh. Um...

Jon, my love, Jon, my darling,

where is that f***ing book?!

Yeah, no, I'm... it's coming along.

Um, I'm working on it.

I'm working on it now, actually.

You better be, Jon, because they're

demanding refunds of your advance,

so that means

my f***ing commission.

But, uh...

Hey, they loved the outline, right?

Jon, they paid you for a novel.

No-one's expecting

'the great f***ing Gatsby' here,

but the last draft

you shovelled up was...

I'm just finding the...

Here it is.

Ohh!

This is what the publisher said -

"a sh*t sandwich without the bread."

They're... you know, they're

picking on the ending, right?

There was no ending, Jon.

The word count just stops, ok?

It goes nowhere. I can't cover for you

anymore. Finish that f***ing book!

Cool... hey, thanks.

Agents, eh?

"A sh*t sandwich without the bread"?

What kind of feedback is that?

It's a metaphor.

Like imagine a sandwich

with just the sh*t bits...

- Yeah.

- ..And no bread.

- Oh.

- It's pretty sh*t.

Oh, cool! Hey, thanks, man.

Thanks for, you know,

thanks for clarifying that.

You're welcome.

Let me tell you

what it really is, ok?

It's a conspiracy to make me conform

to this bland commercial standard.

All those condescending morons,

they just...

They want derivative pulp,

and I'm not going to sell out, man.

I'm... I'm not.

Yep. Here we go.

Speaking of conspiracies...

Afternoon, sir. Do you know

why I pulled you over?

Well, the Rego's all good, so I guess

you're just revenue collecting, officer.

Or another probable cause is...

Another probable cause is

institutionalized racism, you know?

Perhaps you just pulled him over

because he's Maori.

Sorry, sir.

His... his cat got run over this morning,

so he's a bit upset, yeah.

Mmm.

Was it desexed?

- What?

- Your cat.

Oh. Um... no.

Desexed cats are less likely to stray,

therefore less likely to be run over.

You might wanna consider that

next time.

Ok, yeah.

This vehicle left a Taihape service

station without paying for petrol.

You know about that?

- Nah, he paid for that.

- What?

- The petrol.

- Nah, I didn't.

I thought you did, didn't you?

No, you said

you'd Chuck it in, bro, so I...

I would never say

"Chuck it in, bro."

So this vehicle is registered to

jock Stevens. Either of you him?

Hey, what are you doing?

Dude, what are you doing?

Man, are you

in some kind of trouble?

Well, who fills up a car

and doesn't pay for it?

Who's got a mum called jock?

Ok, well, if you don't pull over soon,

you're gonna lose your license.

I don't have one.

Whoa!

Wh...! Whoa!

Oh! Ahh.

Ahh.

Ok, Evel Knievel, maybe you could

just, um, ease off the pedal a little bit.

Ooh!

Where'd he go?

F***!

It's not your mum's mini, is it?

I feel like a burger.

What?

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