Pornopung

1

Hello?

Are you Karl?

I'm Christian.

The guy from Stavanger.

Moving to Oslo.

- Why are you moving to Oslo?

- To finish my sociology studies.

Sure, but why are you moving?

I guess I'm just tired

of living at home.

Are you single?

Am I...?

Yes, I am.

Are you gay?

No, I'm not.

You hesitated.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm positive.

Move a little closer.

Let me look at your face.

Cool.

Hello?

- Did you have a nice talk?

- Yes. Stop nagging!

Where in Oslo are you staying?

- I'm not sure.

- Not all parts are safe.

What do you mean?

- Do you have a rape alarm?

- Shut up!

- Why are you going to Oslo?

- To study. How about you?

I'm not going to Oslo. Are you crazy?

My little brother is.

You should get better acquainted.

It's a long train ride.

Just be yourself

and everything will be fine.

I love you.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Are you that guy's little brother?

- That's me.

Do you think I could get

your brother's phone number?

Yes. Of course.

Sure you can.

- Thank you.

- That is not a problem.

I got it!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Is this where Karl lives?

- Who's asking?

Christian.

I think I'm moving in here.

Hi there.

Leo.

You're just in time.

- Is that for me?

- Sorry, no. It's for Karl.

- Is it his birthday?

- Write "100" on that.

- Red towel means "help."

- Is he with someone?

Open it.

We can't open the door!

What if they're...?

Congratulations!

Leo, you didn't have to bake a cake!

Hey, boss.

Say hi to...

You, say hi to Christian.

Christian.

Nice to meet you.

- The hats!

- Right.

Cool!

Don't forget to blow.

Is it your birthday, or what?

- Karl, aren't you late for work?

- Sh*t!

I'm a huge fan.

I love you.

See you later.

Have you seriously had sex

with 100 women?

- Did you catch her name?

- Cake lady.

Looks:
7.

Sex:
5.

She was a club, I think.

Give me a seven of clubs.

I think you've used them up.

Hang on.

100 women?

How many kids do you have?

On a scale of 1 to 10:

How hairy are your balls?

- Huh?

- How many women have you f***ed?

- Does that matter?

- We'll still love you.

Five...

Six...

...thousand.

Your doorbell doesn't work.

When I pushed the buzzer and tried...

Cool story, bro.

We were talking about f***ing.

OK, so f***ing

is all you talk about here?

Freud said that's all people talk

about. We're just honest about it.

What about you, Leo?

Does that apply to you too?

You've been duped your entire life.

Girls don't want boys like you.

But you're our roommate,

so we'll help you.

The women won the battle of the sexes.

They call all the shots.

Sorry,

but we have to shave your balls now.

Christian!

Christian...

He seems nice.

Son of a b*tch!

CRACK, BACK & SACK

You will be presented

with certain methods -

- and what those methods are based on.

And you will also learn

about scientific writing.

How do we write scientific papers?

In other words,

your final thesis should focus on...

OK?

Is that clear to everyone?

There are mandatory activities...

- Please...

- Problem?

- It doesn't work!

- Is this your bachelor thesis?

No, but I have four minutes

to get this in, or I'll fail.

Thank you!

You're my hero!

All I need is a white steed.

- Were you here last year?

- No.

This is my first semester in Oslo.

- I live with...

- Sorry, I have to go.

But we're going out for beers

at The Owlery later.

- Christian.

- Hi. Mylian.

- Miriam?

- No. Mylian.

- Mylian.

- See you later. I have to run.

- You got a new job?

- At a nursing home.

- I didn't know that. How is it?

- Fine. But those old folks are insane.

Cool.

Cheers.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- What is this?

- Cake.

Congratulations. You are now

officially Oslo's biggest a**hole.

- Was it magical?

- Don't be jealous.

Chris, come here!

- "Feed the goat"?

- What happens if you don't feed it?

- It gets hungry?

- First, yes. And then it dies.

But don't worry.

Goats are omnivorous.

- We're going out.

- Sorry, I have to read.

Awesome!

Our new roommate

is an asexual academic.

I like that you label me as asexual

because I haven't slept with...

- A thousand million women.

- It isn't about the number.

OK, you got me there.

It is about the number.

But it's also about radiating

sexuality. Look at me, Christian.

Look at this!

I sweat f***ing orgies!

Come on, take a whiff.

- No, I'm not going to smell you.

- Come on. I sweat p*ssy.

- Want to see my dick?

- No.

- I love showing off my dick.

- I don't doubt it.

- Just look down.

- No.

- And there it is.

- Please come out!

You could have

one chick licking your balls -

- and one with your "nose"

in her mouth.

- Please come out with me!

- No.

F***ing loser!

You are the perfect candidate.

For what?

If you do everything I tell you

for the next half year, -

- you can easily reach 123.

- What's that mean?

Casanova shared his cock

with a total of 122 women.

So Karl's goal in life

is to ravish 123 women.

F*** yeah!

Is it possible to get AIDS

more than once? Like double-AIDS?

- Let it out, Chris. I've been there.

- I haven't known you that long.

But I think you have used all your

energy to f*** as much as possible.

I don't think you've slept with 100.

By New Year's Eve, I'm going

to celebrate that 123 women -

- have been swept away

by The Package.

And if you want, -

- we can make a deal

right here and f***ing now:

If you do everything I say

for the next five months, -

- I'll turn you into a man women

want to share their sexuality with.

OK, so basically I'll be your slave

for a half year...

- Imagine how much you'll learn!

- Sorry, bro.

Chris, come on.

Chris!

Imagine the power!

- What did he say?

- "Imagine the power, Christian!"

I think he loves this image of himself

as a sex god.

And you?

- What about me?

- Do you want to be seen as a sex god?

I happen to be an atheist,

so I don't believe in gods.

But that's a stupid answer.

Honest answer.

Seriously?

Yes. I do.

You do?

You want me to view you

as a sex god?

Why?

According to Aristotle,

being sexually active is a virtue.

So according to virtue ethics...

Come on,

no sneaky philosophical answers.

A sneaky question deserves

a sneaky answer. Tit for tat.

Are you coming to The Owlery tonight?

I was planning on reading.

Are you going?

Yes.

With you.

- All right. Maybe.

- Not maybe. Join me.

And I'll tell all my girlfriends

what a sex god you are.

They already know.

I sent out a group e-mail.

If you have any intention

of passing on your genes, be careful.

"Mylian" sounds like something

from Lord of the Rings.

I hereby forbid you to think

about Mulan... Mylian... Muliano.

- Why?

- Because you like her.

I can't talk to her

because I like her?

Like her as much as you want,

just stop caring so much.

Mylion... Muylita... Muyliano...

Sounds like a French porn actress.

She may not even like me.

Can we talk about something else?

Forget it!

Don't worry.

They'll calm down, mom.

Dick or sack?

- What?

- Dick or sack?

- Sack?

- Dick.

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