Pornopung Page #2

- It was dick.

- OK.

Dick or sack?

Sack.

- What the hell is that?

- Huh?

What is that?

Your dick is supposed to be a reward.

That looks like a f***ing punishment.

Dick or sack?

- Dick.

- Sack.

People go out to get p*ssy.

We go out to give dick.

- Hello, boys.

- Hi!

- This is Christian.

- Elisa.

He may seem shy, but once you get

his clothes off, he's a monster.

Like the Hulk?

I like to call myself

the Incredible Spunk.

That was really bad.

Chicks consider me

a good lay, period.

We don't realize that you're

just using us as hot sex objects.

Let me know if you feel abused.

Don't you worry about that.

Nobody can abuse the Spunk.

- Are you all right?

- Yes. I'm fine.

But you really have to stop

saying Spunk.

I'll do my best.

- Elisa, where are we going?

- It's your party.

Let's go to The Owlery.

Good prices, good people.

F*** it!

The Party Prince has spoken.

One last round of champagne?

- Has she called?

- Huh?

- Has she called?

- No, not yet.

- Have you texted her?

- Three times. She hasn't responded.

Trust me. Don't send any more.

You'll just seem pushy.

Now you sound like Karl.

I hate to admit it,

but sometimes he's actually right.

F*** it.

- I'm leaving.

- No, no!

Do you realize how easy it is to hook

up here? These hippies are starving.

- Some other time.

- I'm serious!

They don't care if your balls aren't

shaved, as long as your face is.

Some other time.

I'll see you later.

- Christian...

- See you later.

Chris, could you bring Elisa home?

She has to get to bed.

- Bring Elisa home, Christian.

- I don't want to get puked on.

F*** you!

What time is it?

I'm OK.

I can take your shoes.

- Up you go!

- You're a good person.

You aren't going to rape me, are you?

No, I am definitely not

going to rape you.

- Come on.

- That's swell of you.

Can you make it from here?

- Great. OK. Bye.

- Bye.

Rise and shine, Karl!

Oh, sh*t. My alarm didn't ring.

I have to get to work.

See you later.

You live here?

Were you...

- Were you out late last night?

- Yeah.

Real late.

Are you hungry?

I could make some chicken.

No thanks, I'm not that hungry.

I should leave.

Do you have all your things?

But...

- See you later?

- Yeah.

I'll give you a call, OK?

She was cute.

So f***ing -

- tight.

- But not worthy of breakfast?

- She snored.

Or, she made these sleeping sounds.

Some sort of weird breathing.

What was her name?

I can't remember.

Just feeding the goat.

She was hot.

A little boring in bed.

Dick or sack?

- Dick.

- Nope.

- Of course it is.

- Nope.

- OK.

- What?

- I'm in.

- In on what?

Teach me.

- It'll be hectic.

- And painful.

Nagging, grumpy neighbors,

hangovers... It'll be legendary!

Are you ready to become a charming

a**hole that girls want to sleep with?

You bet your ass!

- Ouch! Sh*t!

- We are a low caste, but we rebel.

The Oslo and Surrounding Area

F***ing Caste.

One day, Chris...

One day this will all be yours.

- The first girl you had sex with?

- Susann.

- We had sex on a slope.

- Susann.

- She screwed Terje the same night.

- F*** her. She's probably obese now.

The second time, are you sure

there was full penetration?

Pretty sure.

I think.

The head of your penis inside

at least once?

- I'm pretty sure it was.

- Pimp!

That's pretty impressive.

Don't worry.

By New Year's you'll be way up here.

- I can guarantee at least five.

- Three more? In three months?

Before New Year's

you'll be at five and I'll be at 123.

What's on your mind?

This may sound stupid, but what

happened to just "being yourself"?

OK, Chris, your mother raised you

to be nice and sweet.

And worst of all, to be yourself.

What if "yourself" isn't good enough?

What if "yourself"

is a boring, ugly nerd?

If you smell bad, take a shower.

If there's a dead whore

in your living room, get rid of her.

Adaptation is as natural as evolution.

"Yourself" is a term for losers

who sit at home whacking off. Agreed?

- Yes.

- Pimp.

For starters:

It's essential that you control

every social situation.

It helps if you're wealthy

or have a magical penis like Leo, -

- but all it comes down to

is how you communicate.

Most girls think that a set number

of boys are their perfect match.

And that's fine.

We can take advantage of that.

Get as close to her physically

as possible, without it being awkward.

You're a little too close to Leo now,

but look how close I am to you.

With indirect body language,

I can get much closer.

But what if I go like this?

"Hey, can I buy you a drink?"

- Touch everyone, even boys.

- You mean grope?

No, don't grope.

Create physical closeness.

Always touch them in a natural manner.

She'll never want you

to play with her p*ssy, -

- unless you've played with

her arms and shoulders first.

Analyze who they are with.

All other boys are considered enemies.

More on that later.

What do you see over there?

- Two girls.

- Wrong.

A hot girl with an ugly girlfriend.

Ready?

What's she look like?

Huh? Right.

She has a white shirt...

Wrong!

She's naked on top of you!

Hi, you look great!

How's it going?

How do you know Karl?

Who?

Three-second rule: Talk to someone

you like within three seconds.

- What should I say?

- It's all about the delivery.

Hi! This is my roommate.

The coolest guy in the world.

Hi.

Tove.

Tove is a nurse,

but she's terrified of shots.

Cool!

So... why are you so afraid of shots?

I probably got scared

when I was a kid, or something.

- We aren't actually roommates.

- Who?

Me and...

Me and Karl.

I mean, we live together.

In the same apartment.

That is, I moved in.

From Stavanger.

You have beautiful eyes.

Thank you.

I'm a little thirsty.

- What would you like?

- Strawberry daiquiri.

One strawberry daggery.

I was wondering.

Could I have your phone number?

- I don't know...

- You have a boyfriend?

- No.

- You don't?

Come on.

Let's have it.

But...

I have to work early tomorrow.

I should probably get going.

- What was that?

- A free drink and some attention.

- Never start by buying them a drink.

- I didn't!

You did.

She just lumped you together

with the rest of the goats.

You elevated her way above you.

She should buy you a drink.

- How did it go?

- I got her number.

Let me see!

What did you do?

What should I say?

Say hi.

Invite her up here, or something.

Hello?

- What happened?

- It was an old folks' home.

- It was the night watchman.

- Don't worry about it.

She's a nurse.

It was probably her work number.

Holy crap, Karl!

You still have your dildo collection?

I told you I did.

This is Nils.

This is Johnny, who resembles Leo's.

Flicky, and Big Jim.

Perfect.

Leo's about to f*** that girl.

Hearing other people have sex

makes chicks horny.

That's when we strike.

I'll take Guro.

That Filipino chick goes crazy

once she's naked.

Or so I've heard.

- Are you in?

- Sure.

Here we go!

Imagine if we ended up

on a desert island.

That would suck.

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