Pornopung Page #3

I have to leave now. See you later.

- How long before you go over to her?

- Three seconds tops.

And if she asks for a drink?

Politely decline,

and try to get her to buy me one.

Excellent.

We've fed you a lot of information.

All that's important now,

is that you're totally relaxed.

- Hi!

- Hi.

- Sorry.

- Don't worry about it.

I didn't know what to say.

- Hi, I'm Leo.

- Hi, Leo.

- Have you met Christian?

- Hi. Christian.

We went to

music kindergarten together.

He's the only person I know

who plays rhythm sticks off-key.

Feed the goat.

Leo played this little mini guitar

while I sang.

The kindergarten teachers

threw their bras at us.

- What did you want to become?

- A stewardess.

- What was that?

- That can happen to anyone.

What do I do now?

- F*** it. Take her back.

- Are you nuts?

Trust me.

Just go right over there and kiss her.

- Are you sure...

- Shut up. Go for the kiss.

What the hell do you think

you're doing, snail dick?

Good work, boss!

What the hell?

- Hang on, let me kill this f*ggot.

- He's with me. I told him to do it.

Really?

Nice to meet you.

I'm The Punisher.

Let's get a drink.

Karl may seem cynical.

But compared to The Punisher

he's a study in refined style.

That goat has a constant hard-on.

He won't stop until he gets laid.

And when he eventually does score, -

- he always tries

to butt-f*** the girl.

He feels they deserve it

for playing hard to get.

Thus the name, The Punisher.

It's a f***ing war out there.

A war?

- Hi there!

- Hi!

It's great to see you again.

Last time was a little embarrassing.

You have nothing

to be embarrassed about.

But you did propose to me,

so we are engaged.

You said yes?

Nyah.

I said I'd think about it.

- Hi. Good to see you again.

- Hi!

- Hi. Line.

- Hi. Kine.

- Kine and Trine?

- Kine and Line.

Gotta keep my dick straight.

Hey...

Is it OK if we just...

Sure.

Of course.

I'm not the type to stick my finger

up girls' asses on the dance floor.

The Punisher's just messing around.

Why do girls go home with cavemen

who use their d*cks like clubs?

I don't get it.

Aren't you working on

a degree in sociology?

You're the scholar here.

Figure it out.

Equal rights in Norway

"My Crack, Back & Shaven Sack."

"The division of power

between the sexes -

- in today's post-feminist society."

- What's it about?

- It's about living in Norway in 2013.

With a penis.

Is that a bad thing?

In Norway today, women live

five years longer than men.

Nine out of ten jail inmates are men.

Three of four suicides.

We have military service.

Men are overrepresented when

it comes to accidents, drowning, -

- drunkenness, depression.

In nine of ten divorces,

the women get the children.

Women get better grades than men

in 90 %% of courses.

And women have all the power

in the gender market.

- We were oppressed for 60,000 years.

- But I'm talking about today.

- So now you're the oppressed ones?

- Yes.

Everyone can see it, but women

are still portrayed as the victims.

Just because

there are fewer female leaders.

So why are fewer leaders female?

Because being the CEO of Statoil is

a sh*t job that no one really wants.

Unless you're a narcissistic bastard

that loves p*ssy.

- And money.

- And power.

And what do you use that

money and power for?

To drink champagne out of the ass

of some hot heiress.

I'm not sure it's as lopsided

as you make it sound.

Chris,

tonight I'm taking you to Nirvana.

Are we picking up lesbians?

This place is full of homos.

Relax. Savor the atmosphere.

How many desperate men do you see?

How many grumpy girls

yelling at some guy for making a move?

- I've never been to a gay bar.

- You're treated like a human here.

It's a great place

to hang out and relax.

Here, any one man

is worth as much as another.

Look at that guy.

Jesus, another ten shots,

and he could have me fooled.

Have you ever done it?

With a man?

It isn't my cup of tea.

- How about you?

- Right!

I'm 24 years old

and have had sex with two women.

I'm due a little more p*ssy

before I switch to cock and ass.

Did I hear "ass"?

- Mind if we join you?

- Not at all!

Ten shots.

You said ten shots.

- Cheers!

- Cumshots!

OK!

Hang on...

Christian, bring those two girls home.

Can't we just pretend like

we're gay tonight?

- Not a chance. Go!

- Christian!

Hi, excuse me for interrupting.

Could I just stand here

and pretend like I'm picking you up?

Just until my friend is satisfied?

He won't stop nagging.

- Of course.

- Cool.

Quite the pressure.

Could I bum a cigarette?

- Where are we going now?

- My place!

- Isn't he coming?

- No, he has things to do.

How old are you?

And you?

- What do you think?

- 16.

- Hi.

- Shh!

- Are you in here?

- Who is that?

Hi.

I'm Christian.

Have you eaten?

Why don't I make breakfast?

No, I'm fine.

Where are the car keys, mom?

I'm meeting Kaja.

- You can drive Christian home.

- Seriously?

No, really.

Don't worry about me.

- It's the least we can do.

- I'll take the tram.

- Talk to me.

- What?

No bullshit.

Have you f***ed?

Yes!

F***!

What the hell is going on?

- Did you get laid?

- Like a madman!

- She was pretty old.

- Shut up! Women age like wine!

I'm proud of you.

Well done.

Chris, stand up.

Stand up!

I hereby appoint you

as Oslo F*** Club's -

- first official Big Cat.

For the one of us who, -

- at any given time,

last f***ed a new chick.

OK, f*** it.

You have been fantastic.

You too, Leo.

I'll admit it. I've been holding back.

But that's over now.

Now it's all about cock, p*ssy, S&M

in the woods and f***ing lesbians.

Try stopping me, Middle Cat.

- Burn!

- Shut up, Baby Cat!

Come on.

Maja!

Maja!

- Time for a party!

- I'll kill your whole family, Karl!

OK. We have six hours

to organize the party of the year.

The mother-in-law of all parties.

Chris, you have to find

as much alcohol as you possibly can.

Leo, you handle the crazy sh*t. Here's

my card, don't tell me what you buy.

Maja, you call every girl you have

ever met in the surrounding area.

- You know more than I do.

- He's f***ed 90 %% of them.

It would be kind of like Hefner,

partying with girls you've screwed.

- Fine, we both score chicks.

- F*** you.

- Excellent.

- Maja?

- What if we don't feed the goat?

- It gets hungry.

Feed the goat!

- You should get a jacuzzi.

- More champagne?

- Hi.

- Hi.

I was invited, if...

Of course, no problem.

As long as it's been cleared

by the goat.

So...

It's good to see you.

Likewise.

- You want something to drink?

- I brought my own.

Dick or sack?

- Huh?

- Dick or sack?

Sack?

Wrong.

It was dick.

I thought you of all people would

recognize a dick when you saw one.

Hey, maybe it's time

to start calming down?

The goat needs to be fed.

It needs to.

Or else the SPCA

will get mad at us -

- and all hell will break loose.

We don't want that.

Sorry!

Listen...

I should leave now.

Do you want to walk me out?

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