Porridge Page #7

You say that Oakes forced you down the

delivery hatch?! At gun point! He had to, sir.

To stop us blowing the whistle on him. We'd have seen Mr Mackay

- who had the whistle at the time!

It's no laughing matter! The man's been drinking,

sir! I had to, sir. It was perishing down there!

The audacity! Prisoners in a Prison

Officers' Club! A shrewd move on Oakes's part.

I don't follow you.

He knew it was one place

you'd never find a prison officer.

There'll be a few red faces in

the Governor's office this morning!

King.

'Three prisoners escape from Slade. '

'Sorry, we meant one. '

Makes 'em look

as if they can't count!

Fletcher!

Oh, Mr Grouty, sir.

There'll be something in your Christmas

stocking. I'll look forward to that, sir.

Carry on!

What did he mean? I got him

some millet for their lovebirds.

Samson and Delilah don't eat millet!

The CAGE birds, you stupid nerk!

BELL RINGS:

Oh, dear.

I don't know why you kowtow to him! I know you

don't. That's why your nose looks like it does.

'Ere, Fletch. What?

All right, you are. Am I?

You used your head. All you got

in here. I'm learnin' that. Good.

OK, today's horoscope for Taurus.

Romantic inclinations may pull you

but cool common sense will...

Everybody's been askin' me today

what really happened. Oh, yeah?

You'd be amazed

at some of the theories.

YOU'RE all right. It all adds fuel to the

Fletcher legend What's up with you?

We're here while Oakes

is Hardy Kruger! Hardy Kruger?

"The One That Got Away".

A film, starring Hardy Kruger. Don't worry about

it. Before long, he'll be Googie Withers again!

Googie Withers?

"Within These Walls".

Maybe he got abroad. He'll hate it. They always do.

You can't sit in the sun for the rest of your life!

Before long, he'll get homesick

for Halifax or wherever he lives.

He'll miss kippers, or custard,

wildcat strikes.

Maybe.

Look, Len, bide your time. I mean,

you'll soon be out, free and clear.

And you won't be lookin' over your shoulder all

the time, listenin' for every creak on the stair.

Yeah. I wasn't thinkin' straight. The

fresh air must have gone to me head. Schtum.

Evening, Mr Mackay.

I won't buy it, Fletcher.

Just as well 'cos it ain't for sale.

You know to what I am referring.

The Governor may believe your story but

the Governor does not walk these floors.

I was in the village today.

Some peculiar reports - sightings, even.

UFOs you mean, sir? Oh, yes.

Unidentified FLEEING Objects

A boxer in shorts with his trainer.

a sexton's missing bicycle;

a farmer sees two thieves running from his apple

store. I can't prove you were out, Fletcher,... Godber.

But mark my words!

MY day will come.

NOISILY CHOMP APPLES

# Made a wrong turn at seventeen

# Took me down a one-way street

# I should have listened to my head

And turned right round

# Instead I just followed my feet

# I thought I was headin'

in the right direction

# But it was downhill all the way

# Oh, sooner or later

The man's gonna take ya

# Turn o' the key and lock you away

# But it's gonna be all right

# It's comin' out good

# It's gonna be all right

# I'm changin' my ways

and turnin' the tide

# There's a piece of me

that no-one can take

# And it's locked up in my head

# And I've got the key

and it keeps me free inside

# Inside

# There's a piece of me

that no-one can take

# And it's locked up in my head

# And I'm feeling free inside

# I never gave you

no hard-luck stories

# Never gave you no alibis

# If your hand's in the hat

# And you pull out a ticket

# Don't mean you take the prize

# I know I was headin'

in the wrong direction

# But a man can change his ways

# Oh, sooner or later

time's gonna make you

# Count up the cost

and count up the days

# But it's gonna be all right

# It's comin' out good

# It's gonna be all right

# I'm changin' my ways

and turnin' the tide

# There's a piece of me

that no-one can take... #

# And it's locked up in my head... #

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