Porridge Page #6

In. In! Come on, Godber.

It's our ball, Mr Mackay. Corner!

He don't know nothin'. Got amnesia!

Come on! Get on with it.

Shift!

Yeah, all right. All right.

Right, in! You're joking,

Oaksey! I'm warning you! Get IN!

C'mon, Slade! Take no prisoners!

WHISTLE:

Hold it, driver!

Penalty being taken.

Go left!

Out you go! Mr Cox, open the gates!

# Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! #

# Hallelujah! #

Everything all right? Who's

the bird? My sister-in-law.

A couple touring looks more natural.

THIS time of year? Hang on a minute.

Don't say you brought a suitcase?!

Don't be so stupid!

Come on, Fletcher.

I wasn't told about this!

Come on!

I wasn't told about this! Who

are THEY? Don't look at ME!

Fletch, a woman!

All right. Get in there.

ENGINE STARTS:

HALF-TIME WHISTLE

What's the hurry?

I'm dying for a Jimmy Riddle!

Hop it, Simkins!

Don't look at me, lads, there's 11 in the team!

Only one of us let the ball through his legs.

Where's Fletch? It's not like

Fletch to miss his orange.

Your chaps were unlucky

not to equalise!

Not MY chaps. I'm impartial.

Young Budge played well.

Rudge, sir. That's what I said.

Any word on the walking wounded?

Mr Mackay... Just a moment, Henry.

But... I'm talking to the Governor,

Mr Barrowclough!

But... there's something

I think you ought to know.

Cheer up, Fletch! I've done you

a favour, son. We're free and clear!

You think they haven't

blocked the roads?

We're going North, to Scotland. They'll

never figure on that, eh? Not on Dumfries.

Dumfries.

Queen o' the South, their team.

Scottish League Division B, as was.

Dumfries 0- Hamilton Academicals 1.

Is he all right?

He banged his head on the post.

At least he's oblivious to this fiasco! St

Johnstone 2, Stenhousemuir O. Leave it out.

What do you mean, fiasco?

Sweet as a nut, this!

You may have good reason for doing this but I've

got under a year to go and the lad even less!

I haven't got the money for plastic

surgery and a ticket to Acapulco.

I do not relish winter in Dumfries!

I'm upset you feel that way.

Yeah But I had to bring you.

You don't have to bring us further.

Dump us right here!

You know about Dumfries. I don't know

nothin'. It's still them and us, remember?

On your way, then.

Yeah, see you, Oaksey.

I hope NOT!

We're out!? Yeah, I know, son.

Come on.

Yes, yes... I'll wait.

Ah! Everything's in hand, sir. They won't get

far. Checks on all major roads south and east.

The local police are looking for

the coach and our men are helping.

And I'M ringing the Home Office. Oh.

Oh, indeed, Mr Mackay!

This match was YOUR suggestion!

Mine, sir? Oh, no, sir! No, no, let

us be fair. The idea came from Mr Beal.

Did it?

Sorry, but without the coach,

how can I get my chaps back London?

Er... Oh, hello?

Would you mind, sir?

Treadaway, Slade.

COCK CROWS & DOG BARKS

All right, Len? I think so. Good, 'cos we

need clear heads to get out of this mess!

'Ere, stick some of these

in your pockets.

What for? Sustenance, son. We might

be out all night in this, you know!

He's really dropped us in it!

It weren't our fault. Wasn't us who went over the wall.

The screws don't know that! They'll have a conflab.

'The match was Fletcher's idea. ' They'll put two

and two together and make three. Three? Three years.

We can't let 'em catch us.

Let's give ourselves up to the law.

They wouldn't let us get a word in. Some local

bobby won't want to miss the chance of capturing us!

A commendation!

Another notch on his truncheon!

What are we going to do? Actually,

I've got the perfect solution. What?

We're going to break back in.

Yeah, I know, I know Come on.

Hey, why don't we nick a chicken? On a Wednesday

afternoon?! Where'd we get sage and onion stuffing?

COW MOOS:

DOG BARKS:

^ Oi! Come back here!

POLICE SIREN:

# Nymphs and

shepherds gone away Gone away! #

QUIET!

QUIET!

# Gone, gone, gone, gone away! #

Hey, Fletch? What? How d'you know

we're going the right way?

By the sun

ORGAN MUSIC:

Excuse me! Can YOU tell me what's going on?

We'll miss our train if we don't leave soon.

Oh... the police want statements

from all of you.

This whole job could have been

worked out in advance.

If we'd brought the Goodies, would you have

held them for questioning? Probably not.

But of course, you didn't, did you?

Oh, dear. I told you

it would be dodgy!

Come on, don't flag!

Jab! Jab!

It's the big one next week, sir!

HORSE NEIGHS:

Who was that? Couple

of escaped convicts. Oh.

Fletch, leave the bell alone!

I s'pose you're right.

Old habits die hard.

Might as well give this back

an' all.

You just won't admit it.

We're lost!

There's gonna be a frost tonight. All right for some

of us. Some of us have long trousers! Shh! What is it?

I heard something.

BREAKS TWIG LOUDLY

Thank you, Hiawatha

Hiawatha didn't wear football boots,

did she? He!

What is it?

Cops.

Copse? Like a wooded glade? Yeah.

A wooded glade

crawling with bleedin' cops!

Mackay, Slade Prison. Any developments?

No. They're long gone by now.

Checked for tyre tracks of a getaway

vehicle? We never thought of that

I didn't mean... If you did

your job, they wouldn't be out!

This is NOT an everyday occurrence!

You expect the odd one to tunnel out

or go over the wall...

But THREE of them?

Driving out... in a bus?!

All right, lads, we're through here

What about the coach?

It's all yours.

We're finished with it.

HONK:

Mr Collinson, return to the prison.

I will drive the coach with Mr Miller.

Er... are you sure

you can drive this thing, sir?

This?!

No bother at all!

Right, come on.

ENGINE STALLS:

Clutch!

Straight back as you are.

That's it. Come on.

Keep coming, Mr Mackay. Come on!

Bit more.

All right, you're clear there!

Mr Mackay! Yes, me, laddie! If you'd been awake

earlier, this would never have happened! Sir!

It's cold. If they're in the open,

it'll freeze their brass monkeys off.

I hope so, Mr Miller. I HOPE so!

The Greeks and the Trojans.

That's how the Greeks got into Troy.

Save the history lesson till we

get back to our flowery dell. How?

Have I ever let you down? No.

Well, I might now.

Come on.

I'm freezin' already!

What's this? C'mon, give us a hand.

But it's half-past eight.

The club should be open!

Under the circumstances,

I thought nobody would be here.

In the circumstances, I need

a drink more than most evenings!

Mr Barrowclough? Something to keep

out the cold. Yes, it's bitter out.

It's bitter IN

Make those two large ones.

You know, I'm surprised

at Fletcher and Godber going over.

Surprised and disappointed. You

will never learn, Mr Barrowclough.

You can't judge these people

by OUR standards.

They are the dregs of society!

What was that? Ssh, ssh.

It's coming from the store room!

^ Help...

It's locked! Of course. That's where

I keep the booze. Give me the keys!

Help!

Oh, thank God, Mr Mackay!

Saved at last!

Where are we? Who is it? Don't

worry, Len. Our ordeal is over.

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