![Find Post Grad on Amazon](https://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTcxNzg0NDQ4NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzM2Njg0Mg@@._V1_SX300.jpg)
Post Grad Page #5
- We'll buy more cookies.
- You know they're my favorites.
Hey.
- Where's Ryden?
- She's paying her condolences.
F*** me!
Well, I would, but somebody beat me to it.
Cool.
Listen. Dad, I know
that was a little bit awkward, but I...
I just hope you used one.
- One what?
- Used something... That you used something.
Something.
Used a... You know what I'm...
Used a rubber or something like that.
- But...
- Protection!
Oh, uh... But we didn't, uh...
'Cause I'm gonna tell you something.
Herpes isn't a picnic.
It's not a river-rafting trip either, like
they want you to think on that commercial.
- River rafting? - Everybody's
having fun with their herpes out there.
- What?
- You know what?
"lx-nay" on the "oodle-day." That's it.
- "Oodle-day"? - You know what I
mean. I don't want you near that...
Don't... Just stay away from the whole...
- pen... penile area.
- Dad.
Don't even see him anymore.
Don't even see him anymore.
- That's it. You can't see him anymore.
- Or what?
What are you gonna do, ground me?
I'm 22 years old.
Oh, really? Well, you're
forgetting you live in my house.
Well, trust me.
I'm doing everything I can to change that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
My name's Bill. And I'm a little upset...
to say the least, if you know what I mean.
Okay.
Someone stole two boxes
of my Buckle-O-Bill belt buckles.
World renowned, uniquely crafted.
Word on the street is
you're trying to sell 'em.
You talking about this? This here?
No, no, no. I bought this
legit from Gary the Buckle Man.
I don't know Gary the Buckle Man!
I know you're trying to take
food out of my kid's mouth.
I don't even have a kid.
But if I did, you're taking his food!
- Uh-uh.
- I want my buckle!
- Hey!
- Hey! Hey!
- It's my buckle!
Crazy, man.
It's my Delaware!
Two fingers. Two. That's all it takes.
I will call the cops, man!
#I don't know #
#Where I belong #
#And I don't know #
#Where I should go #
Wait. So, you're gonna be a P.A. now?
It's just temporary. Our
neighbor hooked it up.
Wait. Rico Suave from across the street?
That... That old dude
who wears the low-rise jeans?
What? He's 34. He's not that old.
Very specific information you have there.
Hey.
So, uh, tomorrow night?
- Yeah? - I wrote
a little "something something" for you.
- For me?
- Oh, yeah.
- Shut up!
- Yeah, you want a little sneak preview?
- Okay.
- Okay.
# Ryden is beautiful
It's true #
#'Cause she's got eyes ofblue #
# But then one day I tried to kiss you #
#And you said
Oh, n-n-no #
- You're an idiot.
- You love me.
Anyway, so here's the deal.
Tomorrow night, me, you...
that dress.
Zip me.
Uh, yeah. Um...
So, first of all, I'm just gonna rock
the socks off everyone at that show.
Second, you're gonna throw your bra onstage,
just scream like a little girl.
Um... There.
And third,
we're gonna go out to a big, fancy dinner.
- Multiple forks... everything.
- We are?
- Yeah.
- Why?
To, uh, celebrate your new quasi job thing.
- Just to celebrate?
- Yeah.
- That sounds fun.
- Uh, it sounds...
"fan-crapping-tastic,"
is what it sounds like.
Making guacamole for your family...
orjust for yourself used to be a fight.
But now, with the Guacanator...
the Guacanator 3000...
making guacamole is as
easy as uno, dos, tres!
Senor Avocado... he no stand a chance
against the grips of the Guacanator.
The only assault will be
against your taste buds!
Got it. Got it. Okay, cut!
Okay, I got it. All right.
- And we're clear. - This mustache
is crap. The hairs are going in my mouth.
- I can swear I swallowed a couple.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
We'll take care of that in a sec, all right?
- Thanks.
- Okay, everyone, take five.
- Take a fiver.
- There she is.
- Hey. - How's the first day
going? As shitty as I promised?
- It's not so bad.
- Well, just wait.
Ah. Psst. Bro. Hey, bro! Yo, dude.
Can I talk to you for a second before
Well, this should be fun.
The script is like a
road map, but the road map...
Can you talk to the catering people? The
meat on this sandwich smells like ass-crack.
- Oh, okay.
- First of all, you're really close.
So, congrats. Bones. Awesome. Sweet.
We're getting so close,
but I just wanna go from the top.
A couple things to make this double awesome.
Give me more Mexican. I gotta get
more Mexican. You know what I mean?
I gotta... Oh! I wanna be
on or across the border.
You know what I mean? "Mexi-can." Not
"Mexi-can't" or "Mexi-could." "Mexi-can."
Like any of that flavor,
literally and figuratively, into it.
- Awesome.
- All right.
Second of all, your shots are boring, bro.
Seriously. Here's an idea.
Did you ever see The Matrix?
Movie about, like, alternative reality.
Okay, that shot... Keanu's, like, up in
the air... Bam! He's in the air. Freeze.
Remember what I'm saying? Yeah, like that.
That's exciting. That's awesome.
But check this out. Instead of Keanu...
it's the Guacanator is up in the air,
and you shoot around it, like, 360, 720.
Like, change the axis.
Like, people are totally gonna blow minds.
Matrix. That's a great idea. Yeah.
- Thank you. I wasn't fishing for that.
I appreciate it. - Maybe while I'm at it...
- I could...
Maybe we could hoist it up on a cross...
and we have The Passion of the Guacamole.
Okay. I get it. Do you think that's funny?
I think you're an idiot.
And I quit.
- Told you... Hollywood.
- Can you hear me?
- Let's go.
- I think I have the wrong channel.
- What?
- Let's go.
Hey. Hey, catch.
Hey, whatever.
All right, I'm gonna shoot this.
Can you put him back in the ring?
I got an idea.
- You're fired!
- Thank you!
#She don't know who she is #
#Oh, I can take her anywhere #
For years I had to deal with
this kind of stupidity.
Come on. Can you believe it?
I mean, you can't imagine how many times
I just wanted to walk off set like that.
- My God, I just walked off set.
- Yeah.
And it looks like I just lost another job.
That feels good. That feels great!
#With you eventually #
#'Cause I am always where I need to be #
Come on.
- #I would end up with you eventually #
- Ol! Ol!
Can we go? You guys ready?
- Where's your guy? Who's your singer?
- Yeah, he's right behind you.
Hey, man, you're on.
You guys good?
So, my name is Adam Davies.
I hope this doesn't make
anyone too uncomfortable...
but I'm completely naked
under these clothes.
This song is for someone...
I, um, care about a lot.
Ready?
# I'm counting the streetlights #
# It's all I can do #
#Trying to get to you #
# Feels wrong at the right times #
#To reveal my hand #
#To make you understand #
#Maybe one day you will know #
# How hard it is for me to #
#Show my heart #
#With all the love #
# Maybe one day you will know #
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Post Grad" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/post_grad_16117>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In