Postcards from the Edge Page #4

"Sorry, / thought you were who's its.

Whatever happened to her?"

Good times and bum times

/'ve seen them all

And my dear, / am still here

Smooth sailing sometimes

Sometimes a kick in the rear

But /'m here

/'ve run the gamut, A to Z

Three cheers

And damn it, c'est la vie

/ got through all of last year

And /'m here

Lord knows, at least / was there

And /'m here

Look who's here

/'m still...

...here

Cut!

- Hello, darling.

- Hey, Simon.

We've got some adjustments,

you've got 15 minutes.

What's happening?

Did they make you do a drug test too?

No, no. It's nothing, really.

The producers saw the rushes

last night.

They had some rather

interesting notes.

- Well, what?

- Now, don't take it the wrong way.

I saw them this morning.

They were fine, you were fine. Really.

It was my first day.

I couldn't agree with you more.

It was your first day.

They basically felt that you...

...could have fun with it.

You know, just have

more fun with it, that's all.

Fancy meeting you here.

Neil Bleene, associate producer.

I understand

my enjoyment levels are down.

No, we felt the performance was fine.

But you're holding something back.

Holding something back?

I've been in the theatre.

I'm actually a theatre director.

Sometimes certain line-readings apply.

Like in comedy, it is a rule.

Inflections go up at the end.

That's a comedy rule?

Well, not so much rule as guideline.

You were very good in Public Domain.

What did you do there?

Thanks. I rehearsed.

I guess I don't take

criticism very well.

But I mean, I've had one day

of work on this...

...and two conversations about

what's missing in my performance.

We're talking about

two minutes of film.

Two minutes out of 90.

Is it correctable?

Oh, come on.

It's not as though you farted

during all your dialogue...

...and we sat in rushes saying,

"What's that noise over her lines?"

I'm so relieved.

That analogy's bathed me in relief.

Well, Neil, thank you very much for

the acting tips and the pep talk.

My pleasure.

- I'm feeling much more relaxed now.

- Good.

Can't we put her in a girdle?

Not with that dress. Maybe control-top

pantyhose, but it may not be enough.

All right, all right.

Anything. Just do something.

We have to get her into pants, not

shorts. The tops of her legs are...

Bulbous. She has cellulite.

I wish we could get her

to stop eating so much.

I guess having given up drugs,

she has to do something.

You think we can get her

to start smoking?

What are we going to do

about the bed scene?

Cheat the angle, I presume.

Her breasts are rather

out of shape, aren't they?

If you have her on her back,

as the script indicates...

...her tits will move off

into her armpits.

How very unpleasant.

Well, perhaps you should

buy a camisole.

I had no idea she was so

out of shape when I hired her.

But we wouldn't have got her

if she was in her prime.

If you'll forgive me, with her

reputation she's lucky to have a job.

She pretty much destroyed her career.

This is a break for her.

You're right.

It's sad, though, isn't it? She was

so good in A Night Full of Shoes.

I hope it's not

too much trouble for you.

I'm almost sorry

we didn't get Valerie Rogers.

Valerie has a terrific body.

Oh, well. See you.

George Lazan, executive producer

of Kitchen Sink...

...and now, L.A. Beat.

How are you?

Fine.

- Suzanne.

- Vale. I know.

Have I caught you at a bad time?

I saw the rushes.

And frankly, you're holding back.

- What seems to be the problem?

- The problem...

The problem is that hundreds

of people have talked with me...

...about my low enjoyment levels

and my...

It bothered me. I'd prefer

to receive direction solely from you.

Really? Hundreds?

I'll have a word with them.

I mean, we're talking

about one day of work.

A day in which I was tied

to a cactus and assaulted by snakes.

As if I were a child!

They could call my mother to come in

and stand by and make sure I'm relaxed!

That's her! That's the character!

That's the quality I've been

looking for! Now, what you're doing.

But Simon, this is not relaxed!

This is incredibly upset!

- If this is the quality...

- People, this'll be picture!

Just be yourself and you'll be fine.

It sounds trite, but it's true.

Just trust me.

I'll speak with the producer.

I promise what happened today won't

be repeated. Try to calm down, okay?

Quiet on the set!

- Roll sound!

- Speed.

Roll camera.

Marker.

Roll plate.

Action.

Help. Help me.

Help me!

It's me!

- Jack.

- Oh, sure! Jack.

- How've you been?

- Great. You?

Great. Okay.

God, I've just had

this long, weird day so...

How long has it been

since we've seen each other?

Oh, too long. Way too long.

Good to see you now.

You too. You going to the reunion?

- What reunion?

- High school.

- You went to Beverly High!

- Where'd you think I knew you from?

I didn't mean it like a question,

"You went to Beverly?"

I meant it in a nostalgic way.

When's the reunion?

End of the month.

You remember Mr. Craverly?

The biology teacher.

It's terrible what happened to him.

What happened to him?

- Oh, I thought you knew.

- No.

He went to this party

and met this girl.

And she seemed tired, sick maybe.

He took her to a restaurant. Maybe

some food would make her feel better.

Next thing you know,

she goes home with him.

- You haven't heard this?

- She goes with him and then what?

He thinks it's a wonderful evening...

...and then she takes

a handful of pills and overdoses.

- Then he drives her to the hospital.

- The next morning.

And he didn't leave his name.

Mr. Craverly, I presume.

At your service.

I don't have a service.

I have a machine.

I'm glad to see you're all right.

Well, I suppose I should thank you.

I could apologize for not leaving

my name at the hospital.

Under the circumstances,

it was probably secondary.

What's polite during an overdose

with a complete stranger?

I'm not a complete stranger.

More like a relative one. Like family.

I don't know what happened that night.

I can only guess.

No, I don't even want to do that.

I want you to know I'm not like that.

I don't know what I am like,

but I don't make a habit of...

What if I told you nothing happened?

Nothing what?

Nothing happened. We just talked.

Then you took my Daradil

and fell asleep.

Why? Am I so completely

unappealing to you?

Quite the contrary. It's just that

you were a little the worse...

...or better for substances,

and I have rules about that.

Didn't Jimmy Stewart say that

to somebody in a movie?

Well, if he did,

then he darn sure should have!

I didn't sleep with you?

Sleep?

Yeah.

Kiss?

- What? Here, right now?

- No. Then. That night.

Well, does this ring a bell?

That rings something. I'm not sure

if it's the memory bell or...

How about this?

That reminds me of something

I should've done before.

Reminds me of something I'd like

to do later so I can look back on it.

I'm nostalgic already.

Did anybody ever tell you

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