Powder Room

Sam! Hi!

- Hello.

- Ooh.

Aw, look at you. Oh, my God. It's

been forever. How are you doing?

No. I'm good. You look amazing.

Sam, this is Jess, my friend

from Paris. She came over with me.

Mmm.

Sh*t!

- You all right?

- Yes.

No.

- I actually think I'm making it worse.

- Just say it's woman's problems.

That's so much worse

than wine though.

Just say it's wine.

- It is.

- Yeah.

- So, do you come here often?

- No. No, not really.

I've only been here once before.

I always thought it was a bit posh.

- A bit of a dive?

- Dive. Posh dive.

- It's a confusing concept for a club.

- Hmm.

Is it much different here to Paris?

Yeah.

I'm freezing.

Maybe you just need

some food inside you.

- Go on. Next move.

- Rub the nipples!

You're wearing your "f*** me"

boots tonight then, Sam.

No, they're tiny. They're

more like "finger me" boots.

See, I told you she was funny.

You know, she talks about you all the

time, about when you were in college.

Oh, really?

"Me and Sam did this.

Me and Sam did that."

She told me about the time that you drank

too much Guinness and shat yourself.

That's just too funny.

Do you remember that?

And everyone called you "sh*t girl".

- Nobody called me that.

- Yeah, they did.

- Well, that's very clever wordplay.

- Aw.

I haven't shat myself since,

so... Whoo-hoo.

Eight years clean.

Rarr! Rarr!

Oh, my God. Let's get a photo.

So, what have you been

up to in Paris then?

Um, just working mainly.

- It's something to do with fashion, is it?

- Yeah, we run an online fashion blog.

Cor. That sounds great.

Oh.

And I got engaged.

- Oh, my God! To Marcel?

- Yeah.

Is it? Yeah. Oh! Amazing!

Yeah. It's massive.

The same designer that did mine.

So creative, it's unique, it's like...

It's like art. Don't you think?

You're engaged too?

No, I'm married. Yeah, with a

little girl, Kyla. She's three.

- She is so sweet.

- You have a kid?

You look...

I left her in Paris with her father, who's

probably spoiling her rotten by now.

He's amazing like that.

Just amazing.

- So, when is it you're getting married?

- In March.

- Wow. That's in a month.

- I know.

We've just been rushing round like

maniacs, really, trying to get it ready.

He's so obsessed

with her, it's so cute.

- He's not obsessed with me.

- He is obsessed with you.

Oui, oui.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me hide

my bag. I had this one last week.

Text it to Sam.

Obviously.

So, Sam, tell us about you.

What have you been up to?

Uh...

Ooh, fill me in on the

whole lawyer thing.

What "lawyer thing"?

Didn't you do a law

conversion after college?

Yeah. No, sorry. Of course.

Yeah, that is kinda what I do.

Wow. That's really impressive.

- See, I told you she was smart.

- Yeah.

Yeah, that's me.

So what kind of law do you do?

Divorces. Divorce law.

- Right.

- Irreconcilable differences.

Splitting up assets. Pre-nups.

That kind of thing.

- God, that sounds a bit depressing.

- No. No, I'm not depressed.

No. I just mean being on such

a negative side of things.

Yeah, I'm not depressed though.

So what does it entail exactly?

Erm...

Well, a lot of long hours

as you can imagine.

With all the cases

and clients and...

Little cards. Little

business cards.

Really good. So, does

that not make it, like,

really hard though with the long hours

to, uh, find somebody for yourself?

No. Not at all, actually.

Ooh, tell us more, tell us more.

Well, I am with someone.

Oh, don't you look nice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Has she got any ID?

- She's 23.

- Don't look a day over 17 to me.

Mate, she's 23, for f***'s sake.

All right, love, step aside.

You're getting searched.

Oi, is that the purse I got

Mum for Christmas?

- Yeah. She didn't want it.

- You didn't give it to her, did you?

Don't ask me to wrap

the presents then.

Lesbian.

All right, just get in.

You're holding everything up.

Saskia.

Come on!

Yeah. We're actually really relaxed

about it. Not really relaxed.

I mean, we're actually

looking at moving in.

Oh, wow.

- Yes.

- What's his name?

Sean.

- Sorry. What?

- Sean!

Can you show us a photo of him?

Go on, show us some photos of him.

No, I don't have any.

- What about on Facebook?

- Yeah, show us those.

Okay.

Okay. Jean-Raphael just sent us the

money for the festive photo shoot.

All of it?

18,000 euros.

I mean, we usually do

it for double, but...

Sorry, Sam. That is so rude. No

more business stuff for the night.

Have you found him?

Oh, wow. He's really cute.

Oh, he's gorgeous!

Well done, woman.

I bet he's good in bed. Right?

You know what? I might just... I'm

just gonna send him a quick text.

Okay. We'll be on the dance floor. We'll

go by the DJ booth so you can find us.

- Great. Okay.

- All right? See you in a minute.

Okay, so I'm in.

I'm just in the toilets now.

Oh, my God, they let you through!

I was, like, "They're not

gonna let her through".

Then I was like, "Do I come out?"

No. I gave the bouncer

my sister's ID,

and he was like, "It doesn't really

look like you, but whatever".

Okay, right. So, if you didn't

know me, how old do I look?

- Um, I'd say 18 definitely. Yeah.

- Okay.

A bit more make-up?

Yeah. I think a bit, yeah.

What do I need?

Definitely lip gloss.

Yeah. And, like, more eyeliner.

'Cause that makes us look well older.

Okay. Um, so drinks?

What do we drink?

- White wine spritzer and lemonade.

- Does that get you drunk?

Yeah, it's what my sister drinks and

she's drunk, like, all the time.

Fine, okay. Um,

so let's just act cool.

Yeah. I'm cool.

Oh. You order the drinks

'cause you have ID.

- Oh, my God!

- What are you doing here?

Oh, my God! What are

you lot doing here?

- I thought you was with a friend?

- Yeah, yeah. Why are you here?

Bar guy said he'd get us

guest list if I pulled his pint.

He's a creep.

Oh, well, you're welcome

for the free drinks.

I didn't want this drink anyway.

Why didn't you get me the

Irish Cream like I asked for?

Because that sh*t curdles, man.

And you're not 60.

So? Sam, they wouldn't even

get me an Irish Cream.

That's not a bad thing.

Sweetheart, that bar guy is

potentially the love of my life.

I'm not going to walk up and

order an Irish f***ing Cream.

The potential love. These men

are not lovers, you know.

Well, what then?

Some guy we went to school with wanked

on your leg, that's not love, Chanel.

I'm not talking about

him specifically.

So how's it going?

- Saskia, what are you actually doing?

- Ey?

Greasy fringe.

I am gonna ruin these men tonight.

Physically and financially.

Why don't you hang out with us

for a change? You might have fun.

- All right, you probably won't have fun.

- I'm dying for a piss.

Just be nice to him, Chanel, 'cause

I only came out with, like, a fiver.

Why are you on a night

out with a fiver?

Because I usually get my

drinks bought for me.

Don't hate me because I'm pretty.

It's not because you're pretty.

It's because you are the epitome

of why women have such a bad name.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes