Powder Room Page #2

You single-handedly bring down the

entire average in expectation.

- But I get pissed for free.

- Uh.

And, to be fair, I did

get all these for free.

Guys, am I a normal colour?

You look like an FHM throwback.

Aw, thanks.

Sh*t. I'm shiny.

Why are we all standing about

taking pictures of ourselves?

Paige. Mirrors and photos are different.

I do my make-up according to photos.

What, this night is going

to last, like, five hours?

Facebook lasts forever.

Babe, we should come here more often.

This is riddled with hot sausage.

- This place is a dive.

- Put this on me.

Yeah. Anyway I'm not gonna sleep

with some randomer I meet in a club.

- There's your problem in a nutshell.

- What problem?

Well, it's been ages

since you last had sex.

I mean, you do realise

that people have changed

the way sex is done since

you were last involved.

You're done. I'm gonna have

to get back out there.

So, see yous in a bit, all right.

We'll come over and say, "Hi".

Really don't.

It's just that Michelle's

got this friend with her

and she's odd.

She's horrible,

honestly, total b*tch.

So don't bother. I'll just

see you in a bit. Okay?

- We can come save you, if you need us to?

- No. It's fine. It's only one night, innit?

I'll come speak to yous

in a bit though, okay?

- Okay, you good?

- Yes. I'm fine. See you in a bit.

- She ain't all right, is she?

- No.

How can we cheer her up?

We can't. She doesn't

want to be cheered up.

To be fair, she has

been through it lately.

I'm not saying she hasn't. I'm just

saying she's really negative now.

- Starting to think she really enjoys it.

- I think she's depressed.

Oh, you think? Look, all we can

do is just be there for her.

Right. Enough.

Let's get back out there.

Er, drink, smoke, dance?

No, we can't bring our

drinks out with us though.

- Smoke, drink, dance?

- Yep.

Yep!

Dylan keeps going on

about f***ing phone sex.

Well, everyone has a thing, I suppose.

Has he never mentioned it before now?

No, it's not his...

You know, I just...

Because I work away

a lot, he keeps calling,

and then he's like, "Hey, baby,

let's talk dirty", you know.

"What do you wanna do?"

Well, just... I don't know. Tell

him what you wanna do. I guess?

Get off the phone?

See, this is what I mean. I'm not

that kind of person. I can't...

I can't do it.

Can you help my friend

talk dirty to her husband?

This really isn't my forte.

Well, um, I dunno. Just talk

about what you do usually.

Bare minimum.

Have you ever done it?

I did it once. It was a

long time ago though.

See? It's fine.

Just start slowly and creatively.

Exaggerate, you know.

Say something like,

"I've been thinking about you and your

massive cock and what I'm gonna do to you".

Ugh. No, no, no.

I can't say that, no.

And then you could

say something like,

"You make me so horny.

"Thinking about you makes me so wet.

I just love the way you f*** me".

And then you could go onto

something harder like,

"I'm gonna tie you down and sit on your

face till I'm about to cum all over you.

"I'm gonna sit on your big hard cock

until you're begging me to make you cum

"but I won't, 'cause I'm a bad, bad

girl who needs to be taught a lesson".

Or just get drunk and do it,

that way you have an excuse.

You'll be fine.

- Wow.

- That's amazing.

Good luck.

Sh*t.

You're such a b*tch.

It could have been anyone.

Let's just relax and stop talking to

yourself, because that's not helping.

- You all right?

- Yeah.

Fine.

Sorry, I thought I had something in my eye,

but it's just my eyeball, so, good news.

Oh, well, let me look at it.

I did two months of med school.

- Oh, no, no. It's nothing. I'm good now.

- No, really, you're in good hands.

- Have you got our drinks?

- Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God, you do not know

what happened to us at the bar.

Oh, my God. These girls literally just

came up and started drinking our drinks.

Ooh.

- Is that better?

- Mmm-hmm. Thanks.

It's called minesweeping.

It's basically people go

around trying to steal

someone else's drink

without them noticing.

My friends used to do

it back in the day.

Yeah, but these girls were our age.

I mean, surely you can afford

your own drinks by now.

Yeah. If nothing else.

Sorry, hon? I think you

need to sort yourself out.

Oh, no, it's wine.

Okay.

I forgot how scummy

people are around here.

Like, are these girls, like...

Just like... Just, "What?"

- I knew you'd hate it.

- No, I don't. It's just the clientele.

Well, now you see why I moved.

Yeah. Totally. I mean, it's like,

"What are we doing here?" You know?

Yeah.

- Did you see her though?

- Sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

- What is she doing?

- Maybe she didn't even know it was Chanel.

Of course she did. And even if she didn't,

why is she acting like such a b*tch?

Those are the girls. We should

go over and spill their drinks!

I don't know what the f***

is wrong with her lately.

I've tried to be nice, but she's

making it so hard for me to care.

This is what I'm saying.

Une cigareet?

It's like she's in self-destruct mode.

She enjoys being miserable.

- What's up?

- Nothing. Just everything.

Chanel pisses me off, man.

She's only brought us to this club so

she can hang out with the bar guy,

and now she's getting off with someone

else so there was no point whatsoever.

Look, we can go somewhere

else, if you want.

We don't have to hang

out with your sister.

No, we're getting free

drinks from the bar.

Well, yeah?

I've been looking forward to tonight

all week as well, you know?

It's the same every time we go out.

It's just boys, boys, boys

until Sam wants to go home.

Usually after about half an hour.

There's no fun any more. We don't have

any fun as a group any more. I miss it.

Well, I'm not doing anything

tomorrow. I'll have fun with you.

- Yeah. You're not fun, Paige.

- Thanks.

Darling, are you all right?

I have some poo-poo

pills, if you need them?

I don't mean it in a horrible way.

You're always with Bobby, or your family.

Watching box-sets, and eating food.

Fine, we'll do whatever you want

to do. What do you wanna do?

Okay.

I've got some MDMA in

here from last week.

Yeah, all right. We'll do

that then, if you must.

Come here.

Finally.

- Une cigareet.

- What?

- No. That's not a good idea.

- That is because you've never taken it.

If you had, you would know that it's

probably the best idea anyone's ever had.

- Paige, seriously.

- No.

Oh, come on! You've been with

the same bloke for, what,

like, eight years, or some sh*t.

Three.

You've been with the

same guy for five years

- and you've never taken any drugs.

- Three.

I don't know how you've

done it. You deserve it.

All right. What will it do?

It will just make you really happy

and just feel in love with everyone.

No. Nope. I'm not becoming Chanel.

Look, I'll only give you a bit. You'll

be in complete control. I promise.

- All right. But you can't leave me though.

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