Prank

Seeing that

this is the first scene,

can they understand

what they're about to see?

Focused?

This is not a confession.

This isn't... he said she's dead.

This is the truth.

We're not murderers.

We're not monsters.

Your turn, Chunk.

What?

Okay, Jordan.

When I said

I wanted to make a movie,

this is not what I meant.

Uh, you said video

and correct me if I'm wrong

but who doesn't like...

funny faces,

right, Chunk?

Huh?

How are funny face videos

going to get us...

Continue.

Girls.

This is our last year

of high school

and I don't want to be

remembered

as some girlfriendless

loser.

Chunk's a girl and she likes

funny face videos.

Right, Chunk?

See?

I mean real girls.

No offense, Chunk.

Well, if female companionship

is the ultimate goal,

then there's only one video

we shall make,

a frame by frame

remake of 1979's

Star Trek:
The Motion Picture.

I, obviously,

will be Captain Kirk.

Jordan "Spock",

Chunk "Scotty. "

And I have all the costumes,

so I mean...

Okay,

my dad didn't buy me

that camera so that you could

get a hard on playing Spock.

You're Spock, I'm Kirk.

But, pray tell,

what kind of video would

you like to make, Jordan?

I'm getting

a girlfriend this year.

Period.

Happy birthday.

Dang.

Dang, what?

Something came up.

Dang!

Connor?

What did you do here?

I'm trying to fix it.

Fix what?

It's brand new, Chunk.

Brand new junk, maybe.

You're vociferating

like a... Romulan.

I'm not voc... okay,

I don't even know

what that means.

I think angering him.

Okay, yeah.

I was voc... because

I told you not to bring...

Fascinating.

My expertise says,

"Captain, there's something

wrong with this bloody thing. "

Yeah, like no color, man.

F***. F***!

Your camera will be

repaired, okay?

Finish your video.

Hey,

we're here for you.

Copacetic?

Tell me a time

I've ever let you down before.

All right,

can you hurry?

Eve's birthday

is tomorrow, so...

Eve Goodwin?

We're doing all this

for Eve Goodwin?

Here's the receipt.

Don't lose it.

You're paying for that,

even if it means selling

every ounce of blood in that

extra grande body of yours.

It's not broke

no more, man.

See? Dang.

The only thing that's broken

is my nose, my glasses,

and my dream of breaking

John Meringer's record

of 12 Star Trek Adventures

in a row.

Wait, but I thought

the doctor said

that your nose would be good in,

like, 2 months.

True, but my mother's making me

pay for new glasses

from my own bank account

which means no money,

no convention,

no collectibles, no justice.

Quit it.

Just making

sure we're good, man.

Dax hit this pretty hard before

Connor caught it with his face.

What?

Dax Gaiman did this?

What was he doing

at an electronic store?

Cutting in front

of us in line.

Snatching your camera away,

appeasing his demented

sense of humor.

So Connor says

something.

Dax says something.

So Connor shuts up.

I was weighing my options.

Then Dax yells "catch"

like Connor's face

is a baseball

mitt or something.

Ugh!

The good news is,

camera works great now, man.

What a dick.

I'll pay for your glasses.

I appreciate that.

The only person that should pay

needs to pay.

How, man?

He'll just steal our wallets

again like he always does.

I'm referring

to emotional compensation.

It's time we right some wrongs,

gentlemen.

How, man?

He'll just beat us up again.

Chunk.

It's true.

He's a Jesus freak.

They're sadists.

They like it

when everyone suffers.

Then we need to

demonstrate how our brains

are mightier than his brawn.

Is this somehow

humorous to you?

What is this?

The Wild-Wild West?

I mean, do we look like

vigilantes to you?

We couldn't even

scare ourselves.

Okay, maybe Chunk could.

Let it go, all right?

He's one bad apple.

An eye for an eye

only makes everyone blind.

The correct adage is one bad

apple spoils the barrel

and you know

as well as I that

this barrel's been

rotting for years.

It's ripe for some change.

Okay, there are kids

starving in Africa,

dying of malaria, genocide,

I mean, God knows what...

what am I doing

debating Mr. Drugged out

Frank Castle over here?

Besides,

we have Eve's video to finish.

Myopia also occurs

in people

who think

they've fallen in love.

Huh?

That's Mother.

Tomorrow at the park,

2:
00 p. m.

We'll clarify

the mission further.

What mission?

Kill Dax Gaiman.

Coming, Mother.

Metaphorically, of course.

Wait, wait, wait.

What about Eve's video?

As your best friend,

I suggest you move on.

How can I without your help?

Live long and prosper...

Connor, seriously,

you promised.

I can't run the rube

and film it by myself.

This is lame!

Really f***ing lame.

Yeah, so we saw Dax,

he was...

Turn it off.

Okay, but we saw...

Turn it off!

As you might

have deduced,

I was in a bit

of a carefree state

when I authored

this last night

but hopefully, you got

the gist of my email which is,

this mission, I hope to

accomplish the following.

And immediately after,

so that everyone,

and I mean everyone sees

that we boldly went where no

man or woman has gone before,

besting Dax Gaiman.

And with the anticipated

amount of views, we'll...

So in a nutshell,

our next Star Trek convention

will be completely subsidized.

Thanks, Dax.

What's that look for?

What look?

It's how I look, deal.

He's angry

because we didn't help him

finish his video.

I offered to help, but...

Okay, you is what made it

unfinished,

and that's only part

of the reason.

Pray tell the other.

You've lost

your f***ing mind.

I mean, what happened

to all that Star Trek

crap you're always

blabbering about?

Logic and non violence

to solve life's problems.

Sound familiar?

This is logical

and non violent.

But if you're inferring

some sort of hypocrisy,

need I remind you, 3rd grade,

Miss Miller, Dax and I,

20 minute pow-wow.

5th grade, Principal Skyler,

a one hour discussion.

8th grade, Dax's parents,

my mother,

a two hour intervention

all of which leads us to here.

Now Dax and us

and everyone

that pumps

a little Klingon blood,

a little warrior spirit.

In special circumstances

like this,

one needs to channel it

as long as one controls it.

Yeah, well, you have

more than just a little.

Um, guys?

Prod-brain,

you devious f***!

And I rest my case.

Touch, hombre.

You made a funny.

Don't f***in' run,

a**hole!

He was referring to me,

Chunk.

Time we beam away too.

Coming?

I wasn't planning

anything devious.

Suit yourself.

Yo!

Where you going?

Pacifism, Connor.

Learn it, live it,

love it.

This recording?

I said

this sh*t recording?

You mean you asked.

Ah.

You know what I mean,

smart-ass.

It is! It is!

I think it is. Yes.

Oh, you are one retarded negro.

You know that?

Did you see how many

buttons are on that sh*t?

A lot.

Let him go.

He has nothing

to do with this.

And just be clear,

even though I'm not equipped

with my custom fabricated

dog tags right now,

my hands are deadly weapons

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