Prank Page #2

all by themselves.

Since I'm a master

of the ancient Armenian

karate stance Du Kan Du.

And just to be clear,

again.

It's self defense

if I kill you both.

Why you always f***in'

with me, cry baby?

It's the other way

around, nimrod.

Oh, you see what I mean?

What the f***

did I ever do to you, huh?

Are you suffering

from acute amnesia?

My nose, my glasses, almost

a decade's worth of emotional

and physical torment.

Stay away!

Oh, I think

I need to teach this boy

about forgiving

and forgetting.

Somebody's gots to.

Stay away!

I'm not responsible

for my attack maneuvers.

Ow!

Apologize.

Ow, for what?

For what?

Let's go down

the f***in' list.

First, your stupid

f***in' plan

to try to make me you,

embarrassing.

And second,

for your dad knocking up

that slutty fat

f***in' sister of his

and for that b*tch

not getting an abortion.

But thirdly

and most importantly,

the use of your hairy, nasty,

STD-infected f***in' c*nt

making all of our lives

so f***in' miserable.

So go ahead, little b*tch.

We're all eyes and ears.

Do it,

Connor, just apologize.

I'm not inbred, idiot,

my parents met at Bible camp.

Oh, if you're not inbred,

then how the f***

do you explain you?

The only difference between

me and you, Dax,

is there was no orgy

of midget baboons

involved in my conception.

I think I need to teach him

a lesson to his face too.

Ah, help.

Jordan, help!

Smart, smart-ass.

Chill, you next.

D?

Yo, D, man.

D!

D, let's go.

Come on, let go, man.

Oh, oh, no.

You're gonna blame

the black guy.

Oh!

Damn.

Think he learned his lesson?

Man, for his sake,

I hope so.

Well, go ahead.

Look, they erased it all.

It's on.

I had to apologize

and buy Dax Gaiman a f***ing

Chili's gift card

just to get this back.

It's recording.

So why would

I upload that video?

Why would you?

Not like you just stood

there and allowed them

to do it to me

in the first place.

I was cornered.

I mean, they're thuggish

and you could have apologized.

Stupider stuff

has come out of your mouth.

Ow!

What the...

It's not like you helped me

when I needed it.

So out of sheer spite,

you backstabbed us?

What?

No.

Then how did Dax know

about the mission, huh?

He knew it so well

he copied it verbatim.

L... I don't know.

I didn't

tell him anything.

I hate him as much... But

you did tell Eve Goodwin.

It might have slipped.

But what does that have

to do with anything?

Because of your weakness

and stupidity,

I'm now the internet's most

infamous sh*t face.

Ow, f***!

It's not my fault!

Ow!

Dax, I must say,

thank you.

Thank you very much.

I've indeed

learned my lesson.

The lesson?

Don't worry,

it's not in Klingon although,

it is in a language

you barely comprehend.

"Purge the evil

from among you.

The rest of the people

will hear about this

and be afraid

and never again will such

an evil thing be done among you.

Show no pity,

life for life, eye for eye,

tooth for tooth. "

So, Dax, be afraid,

be very afraid

because as Captain Kirk said

in the Return of the Archons,

you are the evil.

The evil must be destroyed.

Correct, Jordan?

Focused?

Okay.

Cue music.

Make sure

it's the proper track.

Dax needs to understand

we mean business.

Hear that, Dax?

Class is in session

and you'll soon discover

No, this is not

math or English

but something even rougher

involving this.

This and you.

So let me

unlock the first lesson,

deception in the school

of hard knocks.

Focus, we mean business.

It's a little hard

when I can't breathe.

My apologies.

It must have

shrunken in the wash.

Yes, so are my balls

in this thing.

You guys hear that?

2,200 SAT, 130 IQ

and this is the best you can do?

Really?

Like the great Gene

Roddenberry,

I understand my audience

and he's currently

at a 5th grade

vocabulary level,

if not lower.

Plus from my sources,

I hear he's definitely

afraid of clowns.

No, no, I'm talking

about this whole thing.

This whole behind

the scenes look, I mean why?

Are we making a special

edition DVD too?

Practice and patience

and you would see,

this is for the most important

phase of the prank,

the execution.

The change in power between

our victim and ourselves.

Huh?

This is for Dax to realize

he's been humiliated

by some serious gangsters.

Who?

Us.

Us?

Seriously?

We're seriously

out of our league.

Enough, your pedantic attitude

is starting to annoy me.

Chunk.

Now we all know you've

claimed this as your domain.

But why?

Why, why, why?

Why is this yours to claim?

You're allowed access

weekends and nights

when no one else can.

You say, quote,

"You're cool with coach,"

but my sources tell me,

coach Reed's side

catering business

gets a hearty discount

from your uncle's butcher shop

which makes me think something

deceptive is going on here.

Run it again, man.

But, Dax, my friend,

deception cuts both ways.

See you tomorrow night,

when you'll learn the hard way.

That was your cue.

Jordan?

Idiot.

And in your confusion,

you wander out here.

And surprise, surprise.

A light and sound show,

you will indeed fear

but keep open them

eyes and ears

for it's our intention

to bring you to tears.

Where did that come from?

Don't tell me it's loaded.

Chunk's aunt's pawn shop.

And yes, it is loaded

not with bullets,

but with psychological

intimidation.

Fancy, man.

Thank you, Chunk.

Okay, I'm requesting

leave of absence.

I don't have the proper

stupidity to continue.

You mean your stupidity

is making you not see

this prank is fool proof.

Fool proof?

What about the cameras?

Uh, duh.

No.

Duh.

And the sprinklers?

Duh, and the fire alarms

after these M-80s pop?

Duh.

Fool proof?

Only proves

who's the fool here.

Duh.

Hey, summer

school's over.

Take your costume party

someplace else.

I told you guys

I heard something.

Okay, um, so music

starts and...

F***!

F***, no,

there's supposed to be

f***in' balloons and confetti.

Sorry, Eve.

What's with

the goofy costume?

Benny and Joon, I thought

you said you loved Johnny Depp

in Benny and Joon.

Johnny Depp's cool

and Benny Hill's funny

but who's Benny and Joon?

A band?

This was Connor's idea.

He's the idea guy.

Sh*t face did this?

Oh, you've, um,

you've seen the video?

Everyone's seen the video.

He totally deserved it

though.

Hope he finally

learned his lesson.

Yeah, right.

Did you know he almost

ruined my life last semester?

He published a full page

story of me starring

and directing Macbeth

from the front page

to the back page

of the school paper.

Actually, he just

posted that...

My mom was Lady Macbeth

in off Broadway.

My friends were gonna put

t- shirts of my front page on it.

They all look up to me

and I was completely humiliated.

I'm sorry.

Why do you spend so much

time with that loser anyways?

I don't know.

Stupidity?

You should make new friends.

Like cool friends.

Like my friends.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

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