Prank Page #6

Trouble sleeping?

Trouble waking up

in this nightmare.

I think for me

it's not a wet dream.

Hello.

Who is this?

Henrietta Chunk Torres,

is that you?

Early bird

getting the worm.

Okay, shut up.

Listen.

I've got something

really awful to tell you.

You got punk'd.

Yeah, yeah,

Connor got you good.

Yeah, well, you almost had

me believing Dax was dead.

And I'm...

Don't believe him,

he's lying.

Yeah, yeah,

he's a devious one indeed.

Well, listen I'm telling you

this because I'm your pal

and I don't want you

losing any more

sleep over this nonsense.

Yeah, f*** him.

All right.

Good night, Chunk.

I can't believe it either.

I do have it

in a Klingon.

Get some rest.

You got a big day tomorrow.

Sweet dreams, idiot.

A touching tribute

to a pitcher and a catcher.

Someone used to understand

what a joke was.

Who in their right mind

is gonna believe

he just disappeared?

Lots of kids disappear

from the mall all the time.

Five-year-olds.

Dax and Omar

are grown men.

Were.

And I don't think

I like your tone.

Sounds to me like

someone's hearing footsteps,

seeing ghosts,

hearing Dax

calling out to him

in the middle of the night.

Does someone

have a guilty conscience?

Not me.

Why would I?

So you're saying

the voices were real.

I'm saying I didn't

do anything wrong.

You mean we didn't so

anything wrong, right?

Come on.

Gave you what you wanted.

Emotional

compensation, right?

So lighten up.

Smile.

Put on a happy face.

We bested Dax Gaiman.

Come on.

Hi, Eve.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Oh, sorry.

What are we doing here?

Uh,

what's it look like?

Celebrating.

So you want nutty coconut

or rocky road?

What're you doing?

Showing the world

what a beautiful

couple looks like.

We're exclusive now.

Goof.

Stop.

You started it.

No, you did.

Uh-uh, you did.

I have proof.

Why is he here?

Connor is still here

because he wants

to apologize for all the evil,

nasty things

he's ever said about you.

But first,

he wants to tell us

how happy he is

to see us like this.

Okay.

Anytime.

Whatever you want,

just promise no more bags...

See? He's doing it

again. No more bodies...

What?

Acting like he's

the smartest man in the room.

Eve, as one

human being to another,

if you want to continue

being, leave now.

That doesn't

sound like an apology.

Apologies won't solve

what's been done.

Shut up

and say you're sorry, idiot.

Something really wrong

happened. JORDAN: Connor...

The blood you

saw on my face...

Shut up!

Wasn't mine.

What is he

talking about?

Jordan killed Dax

and Omar.

Oh, my God,

stop f***ing lying!

You f***ing stop.

Something humorous?

Come on.

You almost had me,

but I saw Dax

and Omar earlier today.

See?

You saw their cars.

Their frickin' cars.

Come on,

you got to see this game

I just got,

it's really cool.

I warned you.

You're so good at that,

sounding so righteous.

Yup.

Drawers on the nightstand.

Don't keep me waiting.

Give me the gun.

What the hell are you...

Okay, you're gonna give her

the wrong impression, all right?

Where is it?

What? Stop.

Stop toying with me.

The gun.

What gun?

Argh.

You needed to ask...

Don't f*** with me.

I'm not f***ing

with anyone.

I saw you kill him.

I saw you kill Omar.

Did you?

I saw the aftermath.

Are you sure that what

you saw is what you saw?

Maybe you should check.

You erased it?

You can't keep me quiet.

Go ahead,

call the cops.

I did.

Somebody

warned them I would call.

Said I was gonna

try and pull a prank.

Paranoia.

Delusions.

Hearing things,

seeing things.

Why... why don't you

just go home

and forget any of this

ever happened?

You know, move on.

Live long

and prosper, Connor.

No.

I'm sane.

I'm sane.

No.

No, no, no, no.

I'm not going crazy.

I'm not going crazy.

There were bags.

There were bodies.

There were bags.

Eve?

Eve?

Eve!

All your fault.

All your fault.

Jordan, no.

Jordan, stop, please.

What are you doing?

Oh, God.

Oh, my God. Oh.

All your fault.

Praise be to the God

of our Lord Jesus Christ.

His great mercy...

All your fault.

All your fault, Connor.

Please, please, please.

I'm sorry.

Please.

Are you now?

Really?

Lesson number one

at the school of hard knocks,

don't bullshit

no bull shitters.

What'd you call it?

Deception?

Motherf***er, you really

thought we were homos?

Thinking after all

these f***ing years.

Go ahead,

mother f***er, huh?

Go ahead, huh?

What's the matter,

you b*tch?

You can't f***in'

sucker punch

somebody when

they're tied to a chair?

Nine years of your

f***ing bullshit and look.

Look at me, motherf***er,

look at me!

I'm still here!

You know

why we won't b*tch?

'Cause I'm a f***ing

white knight.

And you're

the f***ing evil.

It's a night where

evil's been destroyed,

you little p*ssy.

Lesson number two.

Theatricals.

You see, dead cow parts

ain't dead people parts.

And blanks ain't real bullets,

you dumb f***.

The most important lesson,

don't you forget,

you mess with Eve

and she's gonna plant

some mayhem on your ass.

Damn straight.

Guys, come on.

I'm getting way

too much credit here.

This is a no-brainer.

A win-win for everybody.

We finally stop

sh*t-face's sexist,

homophobic,

psychotic crusade against us

and the audience

gets to see one of the coolest,

most epic pranks

ever put on the internet,

and we all get to reap

the ad money.

Told you you'd pay,

sweetie.

And, oh, yeah, bonus.

Sh*t-face finally

learned his lesson

from the only person who could

turn his own prank against him.

Oh, crap, crap,

I'm such a p*ssy,

I'm gonna cry.

You were f***ing right,

homeboy.

What you laughing for?

You the ass in this joke.

Oh, he's just getting

a head start

after everybody else sees

the further adventures

of f***ing sh*t face.

Or he finally learned,

what do they say

in Star Wars?

Resistance is futile?

Don't forget it, sweetie.

All right.

Let's get the f***

out of here.

Who's up for some Chili's?

It's on me.

Am I hearing things?

Did they treat you?

Make yourself

presentable, girl.

That's some

supernatural sh*t.

Hey, chill, man.

Wait, hey, wait.

Just before that you said

that we would

clean up together,

I mean, you can like,

totally upload

the video here.

I wish we could but I need

to go home and change.

I'm like all icky.

Thanks though.

You're a cool friend.

No, you're not

leaving here.

Come on, man.

Prank is over.

Shut the f*** out.

F*** you. She's...

Jordan,

what's your problem, huh?

How do you turn this

f***ing thing off?

Don't look at me.

Hey, did you get those

tickets I left you

in the locker?

Gesture's appreciated,

'course I won't be

able to attend.

Well, what about breaking

John Meringer's record?

Hey, slow down, will you?

Can't, I have a plethora of

college applications

to complete.

AP exams to study for.

All right,

but I'm sorry.

You hear me?

I'm sorry, Connor.

You're completely right.

I was a rube.

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