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but the closer he got

to the spotlight,

the bigger his problems became.

- When I looked my best,

- I was on...

Before, I used

a growth hormone a day.

I was on Cytomel every day.

I was on Sustanon

two or three times a week.

I was on Winstrol every day.

I was in Ephedra every day.

I was on Clenbuterol every day.

I was taking painkillers

to get rid of the pain

in my neck.

When you wrestled for WWE,

I mean, that's part of

not being the average Joe.

Like, you were on tour,

you were on TV.

I used to turn it on

at college and get all

my friends around the TV.

Like, "Ah, that's my brother!"

and were so proud of, like.

It's a high being

in front of 20,000 people

and getting a reaction.

I wasn't in front

of 20,000 too often,

but I was in front of

20,000 people a few times.

You walk out, and you're,

like, ready to kick ass,

and everybody starts cheering

for you, and it feels great.

And then you don't have that

anymore, and you're just

getting up, you're going

to work... eatin', sleepin',

workin'.

Eatin', sleepin', workin'.

Eatin', sleepin', workin'.

One of my biggest problems is,

I don't know what

my dream is anymore.

My dream when I was a kid

was either to be some kind

of pro athlete.

Now I just don't know.

That's a huge part

of my problem,

is I don't know

where to focus my energy.

I've got a family that

loves me with all their heart.

I've got two brothers

that are my best friends.

I've got a father

that's my best friend.

I've got a mother that

loves me with all her heart.

I hurt you guys

all the time, you know?

Bell:
Yeah.

'Cause I do stupid things.

I'm starting to realize

that you guys are much more

important than ever

in making it in any sport

or anything else.

Mm-hmm.

How come you never

realized it before?

'Cause I was blinded

by my own bullshit.

Mike, um, has been close

to so many goals so many times,

and then he'll set

something else up as a goal

and try to attain that

but never quite makes it

and never actually

has any happiness

in doing what he's doing.

He had a big contract

if he was doing what

he thinks he wanted to do,

had the adulation

of the crowd all the time.

He'd be the guy

that's always in trouble.

He'd be the people

that are always blowing it.

He'd be the one that would be

in and out of rehab

and the newspapers

were following around.

But if I got a contract,

and I was anywhere between 21

and 35 even, I'm 36 now,

if I got a contract

in that 15 years

I was wrestling,

I would definitely be

another dead wrestler,

absolutely, positively 100%.

It was, like, 8:
00 at night,

our time, and we got the call.

When I heard Daddy say,

"No, no, no, no..."

and, uh... so I said,

"Oh, don't tell me."

I thought that after 62 days

that Mike went off the wagon.

I never, ever thought

that Daddy was...

That's what she thought...

It was that bad.

And Daddy grabbed me,

and he said,

"Michael died," and I...

I still...

It was a shock.

The first thing I remember

when she said that he was dead

was what I said in the movie,

that I think they're going

to find him dead some day

because, barring a miracle,

there was no way out for him.

- After another relapse,

- Mad Dog crawled up the stairs

of a sober living facility

and was barely even able

to knock on the door.

A month later, he was sober.

Two months later, he was dead.

He looked so cool.

This is at Sundance.

This was, like, one

of his proudest moments.

This is him right here.

He's in the box.

I didn't understand how this

could happen to my brother.

We were the All-American

family. Where did we go wrong?

It was time I talked

to my younger brother Smelly.

Maybe he can help me

get some answers.

It was on a Sunday.

I talked to Mike on Friday.

He was saying, you know,

how he hates being sick.

He told me a time in his life

when he felt the best,

mentally,

and it was a time

that he was in jail,

and he wasn't on anything,

and that was the only time

that he said he felt

somewhat normal as an adult.

Mad Dog's battle

wasn't necessarily

just with prescription drugs.

I think his battle

was more with himself.

I come from a family where

I am, in my family, the fixer.

Who's having a problem?

I have to fix it.

Here. Here's some food,

food to fix it.

Here, Mike. Here, Chris.

Here, Mark,

and food can fix it, or I

can fix it, or we can fix it.

Now this little boy

that you were trying to fix

is now taking drugs.

After we lost Mike,

I felt some solace

and comfort in the fact

that you and Mark

had not done drugs.

For me, I think, you know,

lifting has always kept me

on a certain path.

You don't even, like,

ever drink or anything.

You have really no addictive

behavior in that way, right?

- I won't take Advil.

- I won't take aspirin.

I do think that people

need to toughen up.

I don't think that everyone

is in such severe pain,

that they always need a drug.

Living day to day life

and dealing with

day to day stuff isn't fun.

It's not where it's at. You

want to be in an altered state,

and I think that was a big

thing that Mike dealt with.

He didn't want to deal

with reality.

Mad Dog always said, "I'd

rather be dead than average."

It was part of his

bigger than life persona.

How did he let drugs

take that away from him?

Was my brother's death

just another sad junkie story,

or were there other forces at

work that pushed him into it?

I had to find out.

Mad Dog's addictions

began in wrestling.

If I was gonna understand,

I needed to start with

the people that knew him best.

Ryan Sakoda was one

of Mad Dog's best pupils

before becoming a superstar

for the WWE and in Japan.

I never did prescription drugs

until I got to WWE,

and the only reason

why I did 'em

was because I wanted

to keep my job.

Like, when did you take

your first painkiller, like,

from a doctor?

Was it from a doctor?

No.

I actually got it from a friend.

Another wrestler?

Another wrestler.

'Cause that wrestler

was also a doctor?

No, no, but he was...

He's a good friend.

- This is my friend

- Horshu.

He was one of the baddest

son-of-a-b*tches in the WWE.

I love dogs, man.

Unlike Mad Dog, Horshu won most

of his battles in the ring,

but his battle outside the ring

nearly cost him his life.

You got to get rid

of the Red Bull, buddy.

Why?

And the cigarette.

Why?

Because we're going

to interview you.

You can't be sitting there

with a Red Bull and a cigarette.

You can't interview me

till I finish smoking.

Well, then, finish smoking.

I signed the contract

with WCW right out of college,

and then the money started

rolling in, and then

the pills came in 'cause

I was on the road every day.

You know, it's like, to graduate

to that next level, you

have to do certain things

that a lot of people

aren't willing to do.

How many pills a day

were you doing?

90. Five pills used to be

enough for the day.

Now it wasn't enough,

so I had to up it to 10.

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