Prescription Thugs Page #3

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10 pills eventually wasn't

enough, so I put it to 20.

I used to take 10 at a time

when I was doing 90 a day.

I remember my girlfriend,

she would lay out, you know,

5 Vicodin, 3 Somas,

2 Viagras, 2 Cialis,

you know, all my vitamins and

minerals, and it was just...

It was like a smorgasbord,

you know what I mean?

But I did that every day.

That was normal.

Viagra and Cialis

in the morning?

Yeah, just so I was ready.

Just in case.

Yup, just in case.

Did it ever occur to you,

like, "Hey, look,

I've got a problem.

I need to stop right now"?

No, I never really worried

about it, you know?

Listen, I thought

I was invincible.

What the f*** are pills

going to do to me,

you know what I mean?

I never thought about...

I never thought about dying,

you know what I mean?

They found me

floating in the pool.

So you blacked out

while you were swimming or...

Swimming.

So, I was floating,

and apparently someone

jumped in and saved me.

Wake up in an ambulance,

you know?

Uh, tubes up my nose.

I've got sh*t in my arms,

and I'm... I wake up,

and there was just...

All I could see

was just this light.

You would think

after something like that,

that that would be it.

Uh...

Uh... but, no.

December 28th of 2009 was

the last time I did pills

because that's the day

I had a stroke.

I didn't even know

I had a stroke

because I had it in my sleep,

and I was on so many OxyContins

and Vicodin and Soma,

you know what I mean?

You could've shot me;

I wouldn't have felt it.

Look, when I was laying

there on the sofa,

I was laying there

for two days. They said,

"He's not gonna make it

through the night.

You need to call his mother,

get her out here,

so she can say her goodbyes,"

you know what I mean?

I didn't go through

one minute of withdrawals.

And what they found out...

They did a CAT scan

on my brain later.

The CAT scan showed

that the part of my brain

that was killed

was the part that harbored

the addictions.

And then you had to

relearn everything, right?

I had to relearn everything.

How to write...

How to write,

how to read, how to walk.

But now you're back

smoking again,

drinking Red Bulls again.

Yup. Yup.

Do you think you still have

an addictive personality?

Oh, listen, there's

no doubt I'm an addict.

That's for sure.

You know what I mean?

I'll be an addict

till the day I die.

Aspired to be a wrestler,

never aspired to be

a drug addict. That's what

my brother used to say.

You know, I'm actually

ashamed to admit this to you,

but I actually gave...

Uh...

I remember, uh...

You know, Mad Dog asked me.

I gave him some sh*t, you know?

Uh... I think all

you guys did, though.

I think it's...

It's nobody's fault,

you know what I mean?

Everybody's responsible

for their own...

What they do, you know?

I forgive you.

Thank you.

My brother would be able

to hang out with Razor Ramon,

Jake "The Snake"

and all these guys

because my brother was

the guy with the pills.

Now, he never won a match

in WWE history, not one.

He was on TV 250 times.

He lost 250 times.

He was a jobber. He was

the guy that they'd beat up,

but he was the guy they'd

beat up that had the pills,

so they kept...

"Hey, hire Mike Bell.

Hey, hire Mike Bell."

I mean, back then

it was like an open forum,

you know?

Do I blame wrestling for that?

Like, no,

I don't blame wrestling.

I think it goes in the NFL.

I think it goes on in the UFC.

I think it goes on in baseball.

I think it goes on in sports.

I think it

goes on in high schools.

It goes on everywhere.

My brother, in "Bigger

Stronger Faster," says,

if I only would've made it,

everything would've changed.

Right.

How do you feel about that?

I think it's a joke.

My buddy Jeff knows

about success.

He got a scholarship

to an Ivy League school

and went on to play in the NFL.

The grass is always

greener, you know?

If you can say, "but if only,"

it's comfortable for people

to do that, but you know,

when you get to the other

side of it,

and you have those material

goods, and you have the things

you thought you wanted, you

know, those boxes are checked.

That's when some real

soul-searching happens.

Chris Leben climbed the ranks

of the UFC and achieved

the fame and fortune

that Mad Dog dreamed of,

but the fight

with his own demons

proved to be more

than he could handle.

My motto was:
Everything in

excess, nothing in moderation.

Go fast, kick ass, chug beers,

crank tunes, you know.

Just, like, in full speed ahead.

I would drink and party

and stuff, you know. When

I first started with the UFC,

and people were,

like, "Oh my God, look.

Chris Leben's

out drinking,

and he's got a fight coming

up," da, da, da.

Well, I figured out that

I could still take the edge off

by taking a pill,

and nobody would know.

What I realized is that

it worked not only for my pain

but for me, for my anxiety,

and it mellowed me out.

Where you're in a position

of perceived power or class

in the society,

you can get whatever you want.

People...

The funniest thing for me

was when I got to the NFL,

and I had more disposable income

than I ever had in my life,

everyone wanted

to give me things.

I was, like, this is

so backwards.

Including drugs.

Including drugs.

I mean, I was a kid

that didn't come

from a lot, you know?

Now I'm somebody.

Being somebody,

I didn't ever feel like

I was worthy to be somebody.

Now all of a sudden girls

in particular that I know

weren't interested in me,

were starting to act

like they were interested

in me. I'm going, hang on.

They only want to be with me,

so they can hang out

with the UFC fighter

Chris Leben.

I allowed those things

to really drag me down

into a pretty dark spot,

and for me,

pills were the way

out of that dark spot.

I'm the golden child.

I'm an Ivy League-educated

NFL football player,

and I'm a drug addict.

I mean, I have my big counter

on my wall, and I'd be,

"Okay, today I'm going

to take five pills."

5, 5, 5, 4, 4, 3, 3.

Now I switch to Perco...

I had it all written out.

Jeez.

I had a big plate...

And how I would get down,

spend a few days on the bathroom

floor, puking, da, da, da.

Go in, perform, make my money,

so I can keep doing it.

It got to the place where

I was waking up on my couch,

covered in piss, not knowing

what time of day it was,

what day it was, and when I

would wake up covered in piss,

I would just take more drugs

and pass back out.

Did you ever do anything,

like, you're really

embarrassed about

when you were on pills?

Everything.

My whole life, man.

I got sick when

I fought Brian Stann.

I told everybody it was sugar.

Nobody, nobody, knows this.

I was backstage, diarrhea-ing,

vomiting between my legs,

and they're calling,

"Chris Leben out to fight!

Here you go! Let's go,

Chris, let's go!"

I stepped into the

f***ing cage like that.

I see both sides of the issue.

You know, one side I see that...

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