Preservation Page #3

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Sean. Buddy. Remember

when we were in high school,

and we were drinking Wild Turkey,

and I woke up wearing women's underwear?

If this is your idea of a practical joke,

it really isn't funny.

It might've been funny when you were drunk

and you decided to f*** with us, but...

this is not funny. I'm hot, I'm hung over,

and I'm not in the mood to f*** around.

Where's the stuff, Sean?

Where's my cell phone? Seriously.

I have e-mails I have to send,

I have conference calls I have to make.

- Where is my cell phone? I need it?

- Calm down.

Don't tell me to calm down.

Sean, where's my phone?

- They must have taken it.

- Who is they? What... who is they?

There was three of them, Mike.

Three sets of prints that aren't ours.

You could have made the tracks yourself.

You could have put the X on your head.

- This could all be part of your little game.

- It's not a game, Michael.

They took our guns.

The knives. They took my dog.

- Maybe your dog just ran away.

- He didn't, okay?

It doesn't make sense.

Sean, who would take our stuff?

Let's not stick around

to find out, okay?

Let's just get out of here

and get back to the car.

- Come on, let's go.

- It's okay. I can hotwire the car.

Well, how do we find the car if we didn't

take the trails and we don't have a map?

The sun's our map.

I really don't wanna step on a snake.

I think I just stepped in poison oak.

- It has to be 100 degrees.

- I'm considering drinking my own sweat.

It was nice of them to steal

our entire water supply.

Them? Or him.

I don't think he's taking us

back to the car.

Where would he be taking us?

Just stay close to me.

Okay. Keep heading east.

When you get to the spray paint

compass point,

it's gonna be three miles

past that to the east.

You guys want to get there by sundown,

you need to keep going.

- Are you not coming with us?

- No. I'm not.

I'm not gonna leave Buck behind, Mike.

I'm not gonna leave my dog.

So you want us to leave you behind.

Yeah, I'm gonna be fine. You guys keep

going. Just get going. Take that path.

- That path is not the path we took before.

- Take my word for it, Mike.

I'm not taking directions from you.

Okay, compadre?

You're not exactly in the right mindset

to be giving turn-by-turn navigation.

Can we just think about this

for a second?

I think he's sending us

in the wrong direction.

- Let's just think about it.

- He's sending us deeper into the woods.

He's your brother. We have to trust him.

Wait, are you telling me that you actually

believe my brother's little theory?

That there's some totally

random backwoods...

constitutional extremist

just randomly f***ing with us?

Because I believe that my brother

is suffering a psychotic breakdown,

- and that's why he stole our goddamn gear.

- I didn't steal the gear.

Well, I don't believe you.

Come on, Wit. Let's go.

Wit, come on. I said let's go.

Are we taking sides here? Is that's

what's happening? Is that what's going on?

Don't think that I don't see

what's happening here.

Have you seen the way that he...

he keeps looking at you,

the way that he keeps touching you?

What is going on?

I saw you last night!

I saw my brother touching your face.

- What is happening?

- Mike.

The campfire, the moonlight,

looked like a real tender moment to me.

I've been trying to tell you.

Trying to tell me what, Wit?

That you want to f*** my brother?

- Sean, do you want to f*** my wife?

- F*** you.

- Mike, stop.

- I'm pregnant.

Mike!

I'm pregnant.

I'm gonna go find my dog.

How long have you known?

Last week.

Kept retaking the test.

Took me 10 times peeing on the stick

before I believed it.

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

I didn't wanna tell you over e-mail.

Seemed a little informal.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Just wait, I...

I'm sorry.

I am... so sorry.

I should have been there.

But I'm here.

Now. For you. For us.

You're the greatest thing

that ever happened to me.

But this...

This is even better.

Let's go home.

- Where the hell is the spray paint?

- Sean said it was east.

Yeah, well, Sean's a little

dissociative right now.

Wait... that's it.

That's it. That's it.

Good job.

So, east.

Wait.

We're lost.

Sean!

F***!

Hey!

You killed my dog. Now I kill you.

Okay.

Okay, down, yeah.

- All right, you all right?

- Yeah.

Esther.

- Elvina.

- Yeah.

Elwina?

- Mildred, Mildred.

- Those are grandmother names.

Okay, how about...

Mitch, Chuck. Hank.

No, those are baseball player names.

- Yeah.

- Besides,

how do you even know we're having a boy?

Just a feeling.

I feel nauseous.

Here. Sit down.

Sit down.

Take a... a deep breath.

Careful, pregnant women

are prone to projectile vomit.

Oh, really?

Are they prone to...

- pickle eating, is that a thing?

- No. No pickles. Not right now.

All right, just breathe.

- Please tell me that's not a mirage.

- What?

Water!

What is that?

Wait.

Mike.

Mike!

It's disconnected!

Try another channel.

Hello, is anyone...

We're at the forest preservation...

inside the ranger station.

We need medical assistance.

This is an emergency.

Static.

F***! F***!

Okay.

- You severed tendons.

- Jesus.

I have to disinfect the wound.

We have to find a way out of here.

This is the lake. And...

these are the trails.

We can't take the trails.

He's expecting us to take the trails.

We have to take the long way.

- We have to climb that cliff.

- There's no way.

- It's the only way.

- Your foot is broken.

The cartilage is torn.

You're not scaling rocks.

No. You are.

You have to find the car, Wit.

Find help.

- We don't have the keys.

- The steering panel pulls apart.

The red wire is the starter.

The brown wire's the piston.

- Just make the wires make a spark.

- I can't hotwire a car.

I can't climb a cliff.

I can't do this alone, Mike.

You're not.

You're not.

How can this be happening?

This weekend totally sucks.

- Yeah.

- I suck.

I promise, first thing that we'll do

when we get home

is we'll put my phone in the microwave.

It'll explode like fireworks

while we make love on the kitchen floor.

- I'm gonna be a good husband.

- You're gonna be a good dad.

You're gonna be a great dad.

- I'm not good with diapers.

- You'll be fine.

All right, listen...

I'm gonna walk out the door,

and I'm gonna get him to follow me, okay?

You're gonna sneak out the window,

and when he starts to chase me,

- you're gonna run the other way.

- No, I'm not leaving without you.

- No, I... I'll be right behind you.

- We have to stay together! No!

Listen to me, listen to me. Take this.

- Take this.

- I'm not going without you.

I will be right behind you.

Listen to me. Take these.

I will meet you at the car.

- Okay? I love you.

- I love you. I love you.

- I love you, I love you.

- I love you.

Where are you?

You wanna play? Let's play.

Hey, Mike.

Mike, I made it. I'm over the cliff.

Mike?

Do you remember our wedding day?

Mike, where are you?

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