Pride & Prejudice

---

Lydia! Kitty!

My dear Mr Bennet, have you heard?

Netherfield Park is let at last. Do you

not want to know who has taken it?

As you wish to tell me, my dear,

I doubt I have any choice in the matter.

Kitty, what have I told you

about listening at the door?

There's a Mr Bingley

arrived from the North.

- Five thousand a year!

- Really?

- He's single!

- Who's single?

A Mr Bingley, apparently. Kitty!

How can that possibly affect them?

Mr Bennet,

how can you be so tiresome?

You know he must marry one of them.

That is his design in settling here?

You must go and visit him at once.

Good heavens. People.

For we may not visit if you do not,

as you well know, Mr Bennet.

- Are you listening? You never listen.

- You must, Papa! At once!

There's no need. I already have.

- You have?

- When?

Oh, Mr Bennet,

how can you tease me so?

Have you no compassion

for my poor nerves?

You mistake me, my dear.

I have the highest respect for them.

They've been my constant companions

these twenty years.

Papa!

- Is he amiable?

- Who?

- Is he handsome?

- He's sure to be.

With 5,000 a year,

it would not matter if he had warts.

Who's got warts?

I will consent to

his marrying whichever girl he chooses.

- So will he come to the ball tomorrow?

- I believe so.

- Mr Bennet!

- I have to have your muslin!

- I'll lend you my green slippers!

- They were mine.

- I'll do your mending for a week.

- I'll retrim your new bonnet.

Two weeks I'll do it for.

It's not the same!

It's not the same.

I can't breathe.

I think one of

my toes just came off.

If every man does not end the evening

in love with you,

then I'm no judge of beauty.

- Or men.

- No, they are far too easy to judge.

They're not all bad.

Humourless poppycocks,

in my limited experience.

One day,

someone will catch your eye,

and then you'll have

to watch your tongue.

How good of you to come.

Which of the painted peacocks

is our Mr Bingley?

He's on the right.

On the left is his sister.

- The person with the quizzical brow?

- That is his good friend, Mr Darcy.

- He looks miserable, poor soul.

- He may be, but poor he is not.

Tell me.

and he owns half of Derbyshire.

The miserable half.

Mr Bennet, you must introduce him

to the girls immediately.

Smile at Mr Bingley. Smile.

Mary.

Mr Bingley, my eldest daughter you know.

Mrs Bennet, Miss Jane Bennet,

Elizabeth and Miss Mary Bennet.

It is a pleasure. I have two others,

but they're already dancing.

I'm delighted to make your acquaintance.

And may I introduce Mr Darcy

of Pemberley in Derbyshire.

How do you like it

here in Hertfordshire?

Very much.

The library at Netherfield,

I've heard, is one of the finest.

It fills me with guilt. I'm not a good

reader. I prefer being out of doors.

Oh, I mean, I can read, of course.

And I'm not suggesting

you can't read out of doors.

I wish I read more, but there

seem to be so many other things to do.

That's exactly what I meant.

Mama, Mama! You will never, ever believe

what we're about to tell you.

- Tell me!

- She's going to take the veil.

- The regiment are coming!

- Officers?

They're going to be stationed

the whole winter, right here.

- Officers?

- As far as the eye can see.

Oh, look.

Jane's dancing with Mr Bingley.

Mr Bennet.

- Do you dance, Mr Darcy?

- Not if I can help it.

I didn't know you were coming

to see me. What's the matter?

We are a long way from Grosvenor Square,

are we not, Mr Darcy?

I've never seen so many pretty girls.

You were dancing

with the only handsome girl.

She is the most beautiful creature

I have ever beheld.

- But her sister Elizabeth is agreeable.

- Perfectly tolerable.

Not handsome enough to tempt me. Return

to your partner and enjoy her smiles.

You're wasting your time with me.

Count your blessings, Lizzie. If he

liked you, you'd have to talk to him.

Precisely.

I wouldn't dance with him

for all of Derbyshire,

let alone the miserable half.

Wait!

- I enjoyed that so much, Miss Lucas.

- How well you dance, Mr Bingley.

I've never enjoyed a dance so much.

My daughter Jane

is a splendid dancer, is she not?

She is indeed.

Your friend Miss Lucas

is a most amusing young woman.

Oh, yes, I adore her.

- It is a pity she's not more handsome.

- Mama!

Oh, but Lizzie

would never admit that she's plain.

Of course, it's my Jane who's considered

the beauty of the county.

Mama, please!

When she was 15, a gentleman

was so much in love with her,

I was sure he would make her an offer.

However, he did write her

some very pretty verses.

And that put paid to it.

I wonder who discovered the power

of poetry in driving away love.

- I thought poetry was the food of love.

- Of a fine, stout love.

But if it is only a vague inclination,

one poor sonnet will kill it.

So, what do you recommend

to encourage affection?

Dancing. Even if one's partner

is barely tolerable.

Mr Bingley is just what

a young man ought to be.

- Sensible, good-humoured...

- Handsome, conveniently rich...

Marriage should not be driven

by thoughts of money.

Only deep love

will persuade me to marry.

- Which is why I'll end up an old maid.

- Do you really believe he liked me?

He danced with you most of the night,

and stared at you the rest.

I give you leave to like him.

You've liked many stupider.

You're a great deal too apt

to like people in general.

All the world

is good in your eyes.

Not his friend. I still can't believe

what he said about you.

Mr Darcy?

I'd more easily forgive his vanity

had he not wounded mine.

But no matter.

I doubt we shall ever speak again.

He danced with Miss Lucas.

We were all there, dear.

It is a shame she's not more handsome.

There's a spinster

in the making and no mistake.

The fourth with a Miss King

of little standing,

and the fifth again with Jane.

If he had any compassion,

he would've sprained his ankle.

The way you carry on,

you'd think our girls look forward

to a grand inheritance.

When you die,

which may be very soon,

they will be left without a roof over

their head nor a penny to their name.

- Please, it's ten in the morning.

- A letter to Miss Bennet, ma'am.

From Netherfield Hall.

Praise the Lord. We are saved!

Make haste, Jane,

make haste. Oh, happy day!

It is from Caroline Bingley.

She has invited me to dine with her.

- Her brother will be dining out.

- Dining out?

- Can I take the carriage?

- Let me see.

- It is too far to walk.

- This is unaccountable of him.

Mama, the carriage for Jane?

Certainly not. She'll go on horseback.

Horseback!

Lizzie.

Now she'll have to stay the night,

exactly as I predicted.

Good grief, woman,

your skills in the art of matchmaking

are positively occult.

Though I don't think, Mama,

you can take credit for making it rain.

"My friends will not hear of me

returning home until I am better.

Excepting a sore throat, a fever and

a headache, nothing is wrong with me."

If Jane does die it will be a comfort

to know it was in pursuit of Mr Bingley.

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes