Private Benjamin Page #5

Do you have a boyfriend in this Army?

No.

Don't you get lonely?

- How'd you get to speak English so well?

- Baltimore.

- Maryland?

- I went to med school at Johns Hopkins.

I just can't believe

that you're in this Army.

If I knew you better,

I'd show you my dog tags.

How much better?

Let's go to my room.

I'm really attracted to you.

But I'm not ready to make love to a

man I just met an hour and a half ago.

I'm sorry.

That's just the way I am.

Usually, by the time I kiss a guy, I

already know his mother's maiden name.

I wish I knew you better.

I'm thirty-four...

...and I live alone in Neuilly,

on the outskirts of Paris.

I'm the only child...

...and my father is also a doctor.

What else?

When I'm not working I play soccer.

Let's see...

I'm Jewish.

Now I know what I've been

faking all these years.

That was your first?

And second.

Where are you going?

- Just to get a sip of champagne.

- I want to go with you.

I'm sorry.

No I'm not.

What?

Private Benjamin.

Meeting you tonight was...

It was just what I needed.

What you needed?

If you're ever in Paris...

If you're ever in Biloxi.

It was nice meeting you.

What did you get?

- MP School.

- You can put your violence to good use.

- Smoke and flame specialist.

- What's that?

A fireman.

I got transferred to

Fort Ord, California.

You got the yachts, honey!

You got the yachts!

- What?

- OCS.

Can you believe it?!

- Honey, you're going to be an officer.

- There goes a beautiful friendship.

What did you get?

I don't know. I'm petrified.

Excuse me!

- Where's Benjamin?

- Right there.

Thornbirds?

Me?

They don't have women Thornbirds.

They do now.

I was a skinny fighting lad

No more than seventeen

The sorriest excuse for a man

That you have ever seen

But now I am a Thornbird

And as proud as I can be

Colonel Thornbush

Made a man out of me

Glory, glory

I'll be falling through the sky

Glory, glory

I am not afraid to die

Glory, glory

I'm as proud as I can be

Colonel Thornbush

Made a man out of me

Good morning, sir.

I'd like you to meet my wife.

- Good to meet you, Mrs. Thornbush.

- Good to meet you, Miss Lady Thornbird.

- I've heard a lot about you.

- Thank you.

I guess this is the Thorndog.

Shake, Scrabble!

You must be nervous

about the big jump tomorrow.

The Colonel says I can do it.

I guess I can.

The Colonel's motto is,

"Life is a series...

...of challenges to be

met and mastered."

I hope you catch a cloud, Benjamin.

Not a feeling like it in the world.

You're in a veil of white,

not a sound except your beating heart.

It's godlike.

You must be very special.

The "Big T" is a

great judge of character.

Stop gabbing and let this soldier...

...get some chow.

Goodbye, sir.

I really appreciate

your confidence in me.

I'm not going to let you down.

See you at 13,000 feet, okay?

Oy vey!

Go with it!

Soar! You're a Thornbird!

Come on, Benjamin,

let's go! All right?

- You can do it! Trust me!

- I can't!

I'm ashamed, but I'm afraid to die.

- I'm afraid, Colonel. I'm not brave.

- Take it easy!

I can't. I'm afraid...

...my chute won't open.

- Calm down, Benjamin!

- What if I fall upside down?

- I could vomit in midair!

- Take it easy!

I tried to be macho, but those guys

are better at being men than I am!

Relax, Benjamin,

you don't have to jump!

- I don't?

- No!

Take it easy, girl! Shape up!

You better?

I feel better now.

You don't have to jump.

You're a good man.

There are other ways you can serve.

Happy, darling?

- You want it!

- What are you doing?

I can smell fear in any man

and passion in any woman!

You want it!

My God, this isn't happening to me!

I'm going to take you.

I'm not in the mood.

Suddenly I feel nauseous.

Come to papa.

I don't think so, sir,

but thanks anyway.

My God! Open, please!

At ease.

I'm glad you're back in one piece.

I apologize for yesterday's indiscretion.

An unforgivable breach of discipline.

And taste, sir.

I hope it hasn't soured you

on the military.

The question is how long

you'll continue as a Thornbird.

Hopefully not too long, sir.

Understood.

That's why I've put you on special

assignment, transferred to another post.

A special assignment

on the ground, I hope.

- A job in procurement.

- Procurement?

That's purchasing. I've cut

your orders, you leave at 1500.

Greenland?

What, penguins? Forget it!

Forget it!

I was in the first wave of the Rangers

at Normandy on D-day.

In 1952 I was standing with my troops

on the banks of the Yalu River, waiting.

MacArthur phoned.

"Come home, Thornie...

...it's not our year."

I am a good leader.

No, I am a great leader!

Your ass is going to

Greenland for a reason.

I won't let you shoot your mouth off,

blemishing my record with innuendo.

Innuendo? Try rape.

How about Guam?

My hair will frizz.

Okinawa?

Malaria? Pass.

We have bases all over the world.

Dear Glass, hello from Belgium.

Sorry it's taken me so long to write,

but I've been very busy.

S.H.A.P.E. Is an amazing place.

The top military headquarters

in Europe.

Definitely the most exciting duty

a soldier could pull.

My M. O. S. Is Purchasing Specialist...

...the one job I've

trained for all my life.

My superior is a terrific guy...

...a Turkish officer

named Lieutenant Rahmi.

But the best one can say of his English

is that it's better than my Turkish.

Benyameen, ka'.

Sate.

Benyameen, I need the inpoormation

on the drying caruses.

Driving courses?

Yes, sir. I'm working on that now.

Excellent. I want you

to rye-eed it to the counsule.

Me? Read it to the council?

Do want me to rye-eed it?

Private Benyameen... Benjamin!

I got a charming apartment

through an ad in Stars and Stripes.

It's right over a bakery,

has a hot plate, running water...

...and all the croissants I can eat.

It's not exactly Versailles,

but it's home.

For the first time in months, I feel

that things are really going my way.

I finally got the nerve

to pay Henri a surprise visit.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

I hope he remembers me.

My love to Moe and Gianelli.

Votre amie, Private B.

Let's see... just got into town.

And feeling kind of lonely.

No, don't say lonely.

Oh, God!

It's a great house, but don't be

impressed. It's a hand-me-down.

- Morning.

- Nine o'clock?

I haven't slept this late in 3 months.

- Where are you going?

- Sunday soccer.

Merde! I'm late.

I have to go anyway.

Don't be ridiculous, please!

Stay. I want you to be here when

I get back at three o'clock.

I'm going to make love to you,

and I'll take you to my favorite bistro.

And we'll listen to

some nice Italian jazz.

Max!

Hello, baby!

He's beautiful.

Sit!

The dog is deaf.

Wait for me, please.

I could get used to you.

I paid 8,000 francs for this rug.

I'm sorry. He gets nervous

around new people.

He's not the only one.

- I have to clean this up.

- You go play. I'll clean up.

No, I'll clean it.

Go play.

I adore you.

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