Private School Page #5

Thank you.

Thank you very much, sir.

You could tape them together.

Well, so what do you think?

It's nice. It's very nice.

I wonder if this is anything

like when Mom and Dad stayed here.

Wow, look at this.

Hey, pretty fancy, huh?

This tub looks like it

could hold both of us.

I mean, if we wanted it to.

Look at this view.

Someone's at the door.

So what?

Relax, will you? Who's there?

Some complimentary pink

champagne, Mr. Rams-Jones.

Hey, thank you.

Well, okay. Okay, enjoy it.

Thank you.

Wow, complimentary champagne.

This must've cost a mint.

Uh-oh.

What's wrong?

Oh, there aren't any glasses.

Well, we can drink out of the

plastic ones in the bathroom.

No, don't be silly.

I'll call room service. I'm dying

to give that guy a tip again.

Is that her?

I can't believe it! You

actually got her here.

What'd I tell you, numbnuts?

Okay. I got another 10 bucks says

you get her top off but no bare tit.

You're on. Okay, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait.

How are we supposed to

know how far you get?

Yeah, you don't expect us to

take his word for it, do you?

Good as gold. The man's word

is as good as gold. Trust me.

Bubba's told the truth every

time! Hold it! I'll tell you what.

You get in the closet with Roy,

the rest of you a**holes, out.

Hey, he gets to watch and not us.

You in on this with Bubba and Roy?

Sam, every time he... Hold up here!

I don't give a rat's ass which one

of you is in the closet with Roy,

but I want the rest of you out of here

by the time I get back with Jordan.

All right, gentlemen, last call.

Here we go! 4-to-1 clothes off.

7-to-1 top off.

12-to-1 panties down.

22-to-1 score

city. Who's in?

10 on panties!

Don't even mention it. I'd

do anything for that guy.

But I'll tell you, Jordan,

if he weren't my best buddy,

I'd have to put the

old moves on you myself.

Really, now? But what about Betsy?

Betsy? Betsy's an amusing girl,

but she and I are just good friends.

I got you both down.

Well, that's Jim's side. I'm over here.

What do you think? Marvelous.

Oh, surely you didn't

do all this yourself?

Well, I guess some of the

guys in the dorm helped out.

So, how's about a drink?

When's Jim gonna get here?

Any minute. Any minute.

You just make yourself

comfortable. Take off your shoes!

Or any other tight, binding

articles of clothing.

And I'll mix you that drink.

Ow!

What's wrong? Wrong? Nothing. Nothing.

You'll have to excuse me, Jordan.

It's just I'm not used to receiving

female visitors in my room.

And I must be a tad nervous.

Nervous, Bubba, you of all people?

It's just that, well...

Being here alone with

you in this room...

Yes?

I feel that my loyalty

to Jim might be, well,

compromised.

Compromised?

Yeah.

It isn't perfect. It just isn't.

And I'm not feeling romantic

like I thought I would.

You're not?

Well, what are you feeling?

Nauseous.

Well, Chris, this is just what I need.

What? Nothing.

No, what was it you said? Nothing.

Listen, I'm sorry you're not feeling

romantic, Chris. I'm feeling romantic.

You are?

Absolutely.

I mean, look at this place.

It's the most romantic

place I've ever seen.

Like this bed. Have you ever

slept in a vibrating bed before?

No, but vibrating beds...

Have you ever had pink

champagne, and a red fur rug

and a knight in shining

armor standing by your bed?

No. Well, all right.

So here we are in the most

romantic place in the world,

and here you are with the

most romantic guy in the world.

Take me.

Take me and do with me

what you will. Ravage me.

Are you feeling

romantic now, my darling?

What I'm feeling is drunk and scared.

And like I'm gonna toss

my cookies any second.

Damn.

And after our summer, she

begged me to stay, but...

That was Paris.

Look, Bubba, I'm getting really

sick of waiting for your friend.

Jordan, just a little

longer. For Jim's sake.

Come on, this is

ridiculous! I'm gonna go!

Wait! Wait!

Now, Jim bought a bottle of

vintage champagne just for tonight.

He'd never forgive me if I let you go

without at least trying some. Please?

Voil!

Red champagne?

The finest money can buy.

Just wait till you try this stuff.

Whoa!

Oh, I'm ... Look what you've done!

My clothes are ruined!

Take them off! All of them!

Take them off and soak them.

I'll get you a towel.

No.

Got one!

Give me that! Do you have

any soda water? Soda water?

To take the stains out!

I'll go see if we have any.

So tell me, Jordan,

would you like to dance?

Oh, Betsy. What a great surprise.

I was just thinking about you.

Oh, yeah? I'm sure.

What in the world is going...

I suppose you two know each other?

What the hell are you doing here?

I came here to meet Jim, if

it's any of your business.

Is that right? You expected Jim to

leave Chris at the Hotel D'Amour?

No! The Hotel D'Amour?

That's right. They left hours ago.

Jim is at the Hotel D'Amour with Chris?

I can't believe this!

I spent all night in this pigsty

with you drinking after-shave cologne!

Listening to your boring stories

about what a big lover you are!

Where're my clothes?

Your clothes?

Where're my clothes?

How am I gonna go out like this?

Oh, thanks.

Now, come on, girls. Can't you take

a joke? I mean, come on, it's funny!

All right, come

on. 15-to-1.

10-to-1.

All right.

Come on. All right, Sam.

Hi, there.

Hi.

I couldn't find you. I got worried.

I behaved like a real jerk.

So did I.

I love you, Chris.

I know. I love you, too.

I guess this just wasn't it.

Wasn't what?

The right time, the right

place, the right anything.

I tried so hard to pretend that it was.

It just wasn't.

It was just, I don't know, like, too...

Tacky?

God, I'm glad you said that.

I was afraid that you liked it.

Really? I was afraid you liked it.

I never could love anybody

more than I love you, Chris.

Oh, Jim.

I can't believe you made me

late to my own graduation.

Now, Jordan, your father

doesn't get married every day.

Just about every other day.

Yes, Miss Copuletta. I mean, Mother.

Chauncey, stay with the car this time.

But, of course, Mr. Leigh-Jensen.

I always stay close to the car.

Parents, faculty, honored guests.

Welcome to the 86th Commencement

Exercises of Cherryvale Academy.

Well, the year is finally at an end.

It has been a long, hard struggle

but, girls, we've pulled together,

and now you have finally

completed your studies.

I see your teachers aglow with the

satisfaction of a job well done.

I see...

I see...

Never!

Your parents, secure in the knowledge

that their daughters have

received the very best.

And, you graduates, I see your joy.

The justifiable pride

in your accomplishments.

The excitement as you go

forward into your futures.

You've blossomed from

awkward adolescence

into the full bloom of young womanhood.

But with this joy comes

a tug at the throat.

A tiny sorrow.

A tender nostalgia.

Hey, watch it, man!

I can remember my own

days here as a student.

And certainly, on a day like today,

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