Problem Child Page #2

- Junior!

- Yikes! A penguin in a pot!

Help!

I wonder if they want me to do the floorl

Junior!

OK, kids, huddle up.

Now, listen, we got three more innings.

Remember, if we win we all get ice cream.

Yeah!

And if we lose...

What the hay, we'll have ice cream anyway.

Go take the field. I'm proud of you!

Look mean out there.

Little Ben.

Can I talk to you for a second?

I don't care how many runs you score.

We're not gonna forfeit.

No! I don't care about this game.

We got this thing won already!

I just came over to share my happiness

with you, Little Ben.

Harriet had a sonogram. Take a look.

- What is that?

- It's a boy!

Congratulations.

- I got one of these for you. Open up.

- I don't smoke.

Come on, open up. Open up!

It's a home run for the Chieftainsl

What do you know? Another home run.

Way to go, Gary!

Will you all please quiet down? Be quiet!

Ladies, please, can you please quiet down?

Can you quiet down?

Can you act like nuns?!

OK.

Now, there's absolutely no proof

that Junior was in any way

connected with today's tragedy.

- Who needs proof? He's evil!

- Look what he did in art class! Skeletons!

- Headless corpses.

- Monsters devouring human flesh.

All right, look!

I don't claim to be some kind

of brilliant psychologist. I'm not.

All I'm saying is

maybe all the child needs is to be loved.

Let's cut the crap, Mr Peabody!

Either Junior goes

or you find yourself some new nuns.

No, no, please, don't hyperventilate.

Just take a deep breath and relax.

The only way we can straighten this out

is by hearing what Junior has to say.

I'm sorry, sisters.

Please, please don't make me

lift those heavy stones

and please don't make me

scrub those dirty toilets.

I just want to be a good boy. I promise!

You see that? He said he's sorry.

Please, give me another chance. I just want

to learn my lessons and do my studies.

So I can be smart and become a priest!

There! You see that? A priest!

A priest! It's like a nun with a jacket.

It's a boy nun! He wants to be a boy nun.

Let me tell you something.

It takes a big man to admit his mistakes.

And there is a big man!

It is in the opinion of myself

and my agency of which I represent

that Junior will not be removed

from this orphanage.

Removed? What do you mean, removed?

Don't worry about it.

The nuns made a suggestion you might

be happier outside of the orphanage.

- What's so funny?

- You are, you stupid dick.

He's wicked!

You're not saying you'd rather not be

in the orphanage, are you?

Think much, pea brain? I want out!

You see, Mr Peabody?

The child is incorrigible!

I'm what? Why don't you speak English, lady?

Look, maybe...

- Uh, maybe...

- What the child is trying to say is...

Maybe if I shrug and move my hands like this,

people will think I know what I'm talking about.

It's obvious that the kid's unbalanced.

I knew that from the start.

I was playing devil's advocate.

Devil, you know...

Anyway, on behalf of myself and the agency,

this child is going to be removed

from this orphanage as soon as possible!

Well, hurry the hell up!

I'm not getting any younger!

There's Ed and Sally and little Joey going

into the Whites'. There must be a party.

Look at her dress. That's a new...

I've looked all over for shoes like that.

- Wonder why we weren't invited.

- Same reason we weren't invited to the rest.

You can't go to a kids' party without a kid.

Being a parent is power and once you're

in that circle you keep everyone else out.

Flo, being a parent is about sharing.

It's about a mom, a dad and a kid.

Except there isn't going to be a kid, Ben.

It's just you and me forever.

- Why can't we adopt?

- We've been through this!

I know, but we have so much love to give.

Why waste it on these stupid pets?

They are not stupid!

Hello!

Think of it this way. All those mothers

had to make do with what nature gave them.

You and I get to pick out our kid.

It'll be like shopping.

- Shopping?

- Uh-huh.

But the neighbours will know we've adopted.

What'll they say?

The neighbours? They'll say, "Look!"

"There's Ben and Flo Healy going out to

yet another birthday party with their new son!"

"Isn't he adorable?"

"And look at how fantastic Flo looks

in her new dress!"

"Where did she get a bag

to match those shoes?"

Then they'll say,

"Let's invite that Healy family over for dinner. "

Oh, Ben, dinners!

OK, let's get a kid.

Hurry up, students.

Five more minutes for your pen-pals.

Then we have to work on our times tables.

Dear Queen Elizabeth, how is England?

It must be nice to be a queen.

Dear Bishop Tutu, how are you?

I am fine. I hope everything's going

well with your marching.

Dear Bow Tie Killer, how's prison?

There's a nice picture of you on the front

page that I'm gonna add to my collection.

Even though we've never met, I feel we have

a lot in common. Nobody understands us.

I'm still wearing a bow tie

so I can look just like you.

After all these letters, I've got good news.

I'm getting out. Isn't that great?

Your number one fan, Junior.

Smoke.

Sir.

Sir, sorry to disturb you

but this letter came for you.

Read this to me.

Hey, it's a letter from JR.

Yeah? Someday

we're gonna meet up on the outside.

We're gonna do some serious damage.

"Good news, I'm getting out. "

What? He's getting paroled?

They gotta be out of their minds!

You know that guy?

He's crazier than I am.

Chill. The warden!

Well, well! If it isn't our model prisoner,

looking so pretty today in his little bow tie!

Hey, warden! Catch!

I hope I'm not rushing you.

We can always let nature take its course.

Nature screwed us over.

Let's give commerce a try.

Let's see what I can do. You want a kid

you could love, I'll put you on the waiting list.

You should have a kid in seven years.

- Seven years?

- Unless...

Nah, nah, I didn't say a word.

I did not say a word.

No, what? What were you gonna say?

Well, I really put my foot in my mouth this time

but, I don't know, I like you two.

I like the two of you and when I like

two people, I want to help them out.

That's just my nature.

I want to help out people that I like.

Just this morning

I came upon a seven-year-old.

Smart as a tack, a little rambunctious

but weren't we all at that age?

I think I even have a photo here for you.

He does look presentable in that bow tie.

Adorable!

I don't know. Seven is rather old. I wanted

people to think I had the baby myself.

That's understandable. A lot of women

feel that way. You want a cute little infant.

One that will scream

in the middle of the night

and you'll have to stumble downstairs

in the dark and change his soiled diapers.

You'll do your housework, eat chocolates,

take care of the kid

and you'll put on 50 or 60 pounds.

No diapers?

You like to sleep late.

There'd be no baby waking you up.

We could skip all that baby junk

and move right into the good stuff like...

...parties and more parties!

I could be president of the PTA by September!

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