Problem Child Page #3

Synopsis: The story of a seven-year-old mischievous orphan boy named Junior. He is hardly a model child; mean-spirited and incorrigible. One day, he is adopted by a loving man along with his obnoxious wife named Ben Healy and Flo Healy. Ever since Junior comes into their lives, he turns ordinary days into full-scale comic nightmares! He also leaves a path of serious destruction in his wake, and is even pen pals with Martin Beck (A.K.A. The Bow Tie Killer, a notorious serial killer who kidnaps his faithful correspondent, along with Flo). And now it's up to Ben as he undertakes a rescue mission to get Junior back from Beck before he plans on hurting him.
Genre: Comedy, Family
Director(s): Dennis Dugan
Production: Universal Pictures
  1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.3
Metacritic:
27
Rotten Tomatoes:
4%
PG
Year:
1990
81 min
2,861 Views


- Fuzzball will have someone to play with.

- Yes! Fuzzball's our cat.

I can't believe it! Junior, he loves cats.

Do you hear that? Let's do it.

Mr Peabody, you've got yourself a deal.

And you've got yourself a kid.

Here he comes. Flo, that's our son.

Can you believe it? That's our boy.

He's very handsome.

I'll be the envy of the neighbourhood.

They look like a couple of yahoos.

Hi!

I think I'm gonna cry.

You ever seen a grown man

wear so much blue?

Hey there, little buddy.

I'm Ben, this is Flo. Put it there, partner.

My name's Junior. My favourite

colour's blue. What's yours?

My favourite colour's blue, too.

Can you believe?

He's perfect. He's wonderful. Come here.

Thank you, sisters, goodbye. Goodbye, kids!

Bye, everybody! Don't forget to write!

We got the pick of the litter.

Everyone's come out to see him off.

Here we are! Isn't this exciting?

Right, everybody out.

This is gonna be so great!

OK, now, everybody over by the house.

This is Junior's first day at his new home.

OK, I want everyone over. Come on.

Junior, put your suitcase down here.

Darling, I want you to hug him.

A lot of teeth. I want everybody to be happy.

- Smile and say, "cheese doodles!"

- Cheese doodles!

That's great, that's terrific.

How come you adopted me?

How come you just didn't have a baby?

Well, gee...

With a baby, you never know

what you're getting. It could be a dud.

But with you there's no surprise.

- Mr Peabody told us how terrific you are.

- He did?

Sure. He said that you were voted

most popular orphan two years in a row.

That was smart of him.

- In we go.

- Wow. This is a great house.

We're going to keep it neat and clean,

aren't we?

I hope you guys are insured.

And you have a cat. Here, kitty-kitty.

No, Junior, make nice with kitty.

Only pet her this way.

I've never seen Fuzzball act like that.

Junior, come here. I want you to meet Polly.

- Polly, say hello to Junior.

- Hello. Hello.

Is that the only word he knows?

- Yes. I want to show you the house.

- Uh-oh!

- Do I get my own bed?

- This is the big time! You get your own room!

- Wow!

- I hope you like clowns.

Oh, my God. They're retarded.

So, what do you think, big guy?

Well, there sure are a lot of clowns.

That must be your new grandpa. You stay

here. We'll give old gramps a big surprise.

Sh!

Dad, are we glad to see you.

What's this big surprise

you dragged me over here for?

Well, Dad, here's a hint.

Oh, my God.

Finally.

You've both cooked up a cute little kid

for my campaign!

I thought you were getting fatter, Mama!

When's my little grandson due?

- Fatter?

- No, Dad. Florence is not gonna have a baby.

You rascal, you!

You followed my advice and took your sperm

to somebody who knows what to do with it,

a surrogate mother.

Tell me something. Do you make out with

a cup or do you get to bump a real live one?

No, Dad, we adopted.

Are you insane?

I thought you'd be happy. Come on.

You don't know

what you're letting yourself in for.

Dopehead mothers. Garbage blood.

His parents may have met in a loony bin.

They might be Democrats.

He's a beautiful kid. Once you meet him,

you'll love him like your very own.

I would like to proudly present the newest

member of the Healy family, Junior!

No! Junior!

That's a thousand-dollar coat!

- Junior, are you in here?

- Junior!

Oh, my God. It's the devil.

- Buddy, are you OK?

- Yeah, just a little smoky.

Look, here's the problem.

This clown must have shorted out.

Sparks were coming out of his nose.

I was so scared.

- Little punk is lying.

- Dad!

I hope you kept the damn receipt.

You got one bad seed there.

He can hear you. You'll hurt his feelings.

It was just an accident.

- Accident! Get rid of him.

- We've made our decision.

OK, but it's the last time

I set foot in this house.

Come on, boys.

- Get back.

- What's happening?

Get rid of that kid!

- Get rid of him.

- Easy!

Get rid of that kid!

Poor Fuzzball. She'll never be the same.

Are you ser...

Is that all you can think of

is your stupid cat?

What about the fact that Father's on his way

to the hospital? Or Junior's traumatic first day?

Did you think about the poor boy?

He must feel horrible.

Yeah, but this might make me feel better.

Fifty, sixty, seventy...

I see a furry bunny.

A furry bunny is running

through delicate white snowflakes.

He's lying. That's not what he sees.

I'm sorry, I'm conducting an examination.

Now what do you see, Martin?

I see a meadow. Pink flowers.

He's lying again. How can he see pink? It's

a black and white picture. There is no pink.

Warden, if you don't stop,

I'll have to ask you to leave.

There is no pink.

I see white fluffy clouds...

No, you don't!

You see murder! You see guts!

I'm going to ask you to leave!

Those damn liberal laws!

Don't you understand? He sees blood!

No, that's what you see.

I am so sorry about that, Martin.

Now, let's get back

to our examination. Shall we?

What do you see in this one?

I see...

...blood!

- Doc, how did it go with the star patient?

- Oh, that guy.

There's a few bricks missing from his building.

- Hey, what are you doing?

- Nothing.

Gosh, what happened here?

I was looking for some paper

to write a get-well note to Big Ben.

That's very thoughtful, Junior,

but these are Mom's private drawers.

You shouldn't go in there. It's where

she keeps her needlepoint and crochet.

I'm really sorry, Mr Healy.

I was scared being all alone in my room.

Of course.

I understand why you're scared.

This is your first night in your new home.

It's gonna take some getting used to, isn't it?

You know, Junior, I'm a little scared myself.

This is my first night being a dad.

- You'll learn quick enough.

- Learn what?

What it's like to be a dad.

Then you'll get rid of me.

Get rid of you? Junior. We're never

gonna get rid of you. You're here forever.

We're gonna do everything together.

We'll ride bikes, go fishing, play catch.

I want to be a good dad.

I want to be a great dad.

You know what?

I will never be too busy to sit down

and listen to what's on my son's mind

over a cup of hot cocoa.

Hey, sleepyhead. Y'all ready to go camping?

I was planning on watching cartoons.

Don't be such a noodle.

When I was your age, your grandfather

was always too busy to take me camping.

You are a lucky duck.

Ben! Bring him.

- Come here, I want you to meet someone.

- Mrs Henderson! And little Miss Lucy!

What a nice surprise!

We heard about your little accident and

we thought this fruitcake might cheer you up.

Thank you!

I would like you to meet my son Junior.

- Pleased to meet you, ladies.

- Oh, my!

He's a perfect little gentleman. Isn't he, Lucy?

He's so big.

Yesterday they didn't even have a kid

and now they have a seven-year-old.

That's gross.

- I don't want him at my party.

- Lucy.

But, Mother, he dresses like the man

that cremated Uncle Leo.

Lucy's turning six this week

but I don't think we'll have a clown this year.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Scott Alexander

Scott Alexander was born on June 16, 1963 in Los Angeles, California, USA. He is a writer and producer, known for 1408 (2007), Ed Wood (1994) and Man on the Moon (1999). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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