Project X

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( insects chirping )

( birds twittering )

( monkey chittering )

( twig snaps )

( hawk screeching )

( screeching )

( gunshot )

Cover me

When I run

Cover me

Through the fire

Something knocked me

Off the trees

Now I'm on my knees

Cover me

Darling, please

Hey, hey, monkey

Monkey,

monkey

Don't you know you're gonna

shock the monkey?

Hey, hey, shock the monkey

Hey, hey, yeah...

Le patron?

Monkey

The wheels keep turning...

Ah, Richard.

Monkey

Something's burning...

( indistinct chatter )

Monkey, don't like it

But I guess I'm learning

Shock

Shock, shock

Watch the monkey get hurt,

monkey

Shock

Shock, shock

Watch the monkey get hurt,

monkey...

Woman:
You'd think that given

the number of animals

the government buys in a year,

you'd honor a long-time understanding.

Man:
Listen, lady, I treat all of my

customers the same,

whether it's the government

or the circus.

These are young, healthy chimps,

and you don't come by them every day.

- Hey, Pop, look what we got.

- Please, Melvin, not now. I'm busy.

Let's tag these for delivery:

Northeast Institute, food and drug.

Yerkes, hepatitis.

Johns Hopkins, cancer.

( monkey whines )

No, send that one to Hopkins.

This little guy goes

to the University of Wisconsin,

the department of psychology.

Shock the monkey,

shock the monkey

Shock the monkey

Shock the monkey to life.

Good morning, little one.

Now don't be afraid.

No one's going to hurt you.

Teri, come and meet

your new student.

Now don't take it personally

if he doesn't like you right away.

He will, but sometimes the chemistry

takes a little bit of time to work out.

We have a tendency

to expect these--

( both chuckle )

As I was saying...

( monkey coos )

- Hi.

- My, my, my.

Hi.

Virgil, look.

Virgil, look what I have-- apple.

Yes, that's good.

Look, apple.

Do you want it?

That's good, but--

Virgil, Virgil, look.

Apple.

You don't want it?

( sighs )

Virgil, look.

Apple. Apple.

Apple.

Virgil, Virgil,

apple.

You don't want this?

Apple.

Apple.

Virgil, look.

This means "apple."

Look, look.

( Virgil grunts )

( Teri sighs )

Fine.

- ( Virgil screaming )

- Fine. Bye.

All right, all right.

Mm-mm-mm.

Good. Clean. Right.

No, it's not food time.

You just ate.

No, no, it's not playtime either.

It's work time.

Come on.

Virgil, look.

Where's the dog?

Where is he?

Good. Good. Dog in.

Now where is he?

Where is he?

Good. Dog out.

Who am I?

Who am I?

Do you remember?

"Yellow hair." Do you remember?

Teri?

( laughs )

Good. Yellow hair.

That's right. Good.

What's this?

Help? No. Look.

Help? I don't know

what that means.

Help what?

Help fly?

You mean this?

( chittering )

Shh shh shh.

No, it's not playtime.

No, it's Teri's work time.

Hey, enough.

( Virgil whimpering )

Okay, how about

if I write your name on it?

Then it will be Virgil's alligator.

Look.

No, no, it's not playtime.

All right, it's playtime.

Fast break, fast break.

Hurry. Ready?

Put it in, hurry.

Dunk it.

Hurry, hurry.

Good, good, good.

Dr. Criswell.

What's up?

Good morning, Teri.

I just heard from the NHF.

They've decided

not to renew your grant.

Hey, Virgil.

I'm really, truly sorry.

At least you have enough material

to write your thesis.

- And I think I can get the department--

- Wait a minute.

Here. Here you go.

Want to color?

Want to color?

Look.

It's okay. It's okay.

( muffled conversation )

All of us here recognize how

remarkable the work you've done is.

And you know you have a good shot

at a position on this faculty.

They're not

taking Virgil away.

Teri, don't throw all that away because

of an attachment to this animal.

Bring them here.

Let them see how much he's learned.

- When they see how much he's learned--

- They don't care.

I've been on the phone

with them all morning.

- It's like talking to a brick wall.

- Well, I don't care.

I'm keeping him.

The National Health Foundation

owns him.

I'll buy him.

And where are you going to find

the $15,000?

I'll raise it.

Not to mention

the $10,000 a year

for food and a veterinarian?

Come on.

I'll get it.

We all knew this was a temporary

arrangement when he got here.

I raised him.

He doesn't know anybody but me.

He's not gonna understand

what's happening.

There's a new children's zoo

in Houston.

I think he's going to be

sent there.

He'll be well cared for

and well loved.

( jet engine roaring )

( chittering )

Well, hello, my man.

You're in the air force now.

( monkeys chittering )

( monkeys screeching )

( typewriter keys clacking )

This is it. I'm through.

I'm dead. I'm done.

You've got to come up

with something.

They'll never let me fly again.

They're gonna

ground me forever.

Ground you?

You stole an airplane

from the air force.

You had a girl and an open bottle

of champagne in the cockpit.

I'm screwed.

You're gonna be lucky

if they let you walk again.

- So what are you gonna say?

- I don't know.

Okay, look.

Tell the colonel this girl is, like,

terrified of flying.

She had a brother who was killed

in a plane crash.

He got shot down in Vietnam.

So you took her up in your plane

to get her over the fear.

That's the stupidest thing

I ever heard.

They'll see right through it.

You're right.

You're screwed.

Come on, Garrett, let's get cleaned up.

You gotta go see the colonel.

- So what are you gonna do?

- The onIy thing I can do--

I'm gonna go in there. I'm gonna look

him in the eye and tell him the truth.

Well, my girlfriend's brother was

a fighter jock in Vietnam

and he got shot down

over Hai Phong.

Anyway, ever since then,

she's had this horrible fear of flying.

And I thought that the best way

to get her over it

was to take her up and bring her

back down again safe and sound.

In other words,

you did it to get laid.

I suppose

that's not entirely untrue.

Are you any relation

to Jake Garrett?

He was my father, sir.

So why didn't you go

to the Air Force Academy?

Well, I did.

I was asked to Ieave

during my second year.

My instructors felt

that I was spending too much time

concentrating on football.

Football?

Well, I wasn't actually

on the team.

I was more of a statistician--

you know, player evaluation,

team comparisons--

that kind of thing.

I ran a betting pool.

I am relieving you of your duty

with the civil air patrol,

and I am reassigning you

until you can learn

to obey orders.

"Experimental Pilot

Performance Project."

Don't screw it up.

No, sir.

( dog barking )

( knocks on door )

Airman Garrett

reporting for duty, sir.

How do you do?

I'm Dr. Carroll.

Get Krieger for me,

would you?

Woman:
Yes, sir.

Civil air patrol.

So you've got some flying experience.

That's terrific.

That should be very useful.

Sergeant, this is Airman Garrett.

He'll be joining

the flight engineer staff.

Take him down to the vivarium

and get him started.

Oh, the F-20 flight simulations

finally came through.

Drop them off at

the PEP room, would you?

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