Project X Page #2

absolute max.

Fine, 50 people, absolute max.

You know, just big enough to be cool.

Sand, an adversary in many ways

more dangerous than those carrying weapons.

Mass marketing, handled.

- Shh.

- Yeah, of course, Jack. Anything.

And if you guys get there

before we get there...

...you can just get in the backyard

and set up...

...and do what you gotta do.

- Dax, Dax. Go film over the top.

Okay. Really, we appreciate that.

Oh, uh... I have to call you back, sir.

I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

Get the f*** out of here!

- What the f*** are you doing?

- Guys. Hey, guys, what the f***?

Are you f***ing with me right now?

Look.

That was a business call for your party.

Who takes a sh*t and makes a business call?

Are you kidding?

Now you can sh*t in peace.

Come on, dude. I can't see a thing.

It's dark as f*** in here.

Dax, come on. Let's get closer.

Heh, heh.

It should be pretty cool, I think.

Basically chill.

I'm letting Costa plan most of it.

Oh, that sounds like a really

brilliant idea.

No, he's doing a good job. He's getting,

like, a bunch of booze and then...

...I think, like, a DJ.

- A DJ. Super chill.

- Ha.

Guess what Mama Kub

and Papa Kub got for...

- Baby Kub?

... Baby Kub for his birthday.

- What?

- The Kub Mobile.

- They gave you the minivan?

- For my birthday, yes.

Your parents give the worst gifts ever.

- Where's your present?

- You serious?

You haven't gotten me a present

in 10 years.

So?

But since I am a better friend than you,

I did get you something.

- Oh.

- I'll bring it tonight. Hey, I have to go run.

- Happy birthday, loser.

- Ow.

- Don't trip.

- Ow!

Oh, sh*t!

I'm okay! Heh.

Thomas, suck my cock.

What?

- "Mama Kub and Papa Kub"? Jesus.

- Yeah, those are my parents, a**hole.

Damn, she's so f***ing hot, dude.

- Think she'll come tonight?

- I'm not inviting her. You do this one.

Alexis won't come.

She fucks college dudes.

"Lamel"? What? I don't know any Lamel.

No, he's cool.

Guys, the last thing I want in my house

is a bunch of randoms.

Wrong. Last thing you want

is nobody at your f***ing house.

The more word gets around, the more likely

these chicks will show up at our party.

Watch and learn how

Captain Big Dick does it.

Hey, girls. Just remember,

wear something tight.

What's up, sisters?

Thomas Kub's house, 8:00.

Come get a piece of this white chocolate.

Are you gonna be going to

Thomas's birthday party tonight?

- Thomas? Who's that?

- Who's Thomas?

That thing that dick in

the sweater vest was telling us about?

What's up, baby? Eight o'clock.

What are your expectations

for the party?

Get high, f*** b*tches, you already know.

- I think we'll come. Can we bring people?

- Can I bring people?

Thomas Kub's house, 8:00.

Oh, sh*t!

Ahh!

What we are witnessing is truly

a breathtaking moment...

...in the life of young Thomas.

The helpless fetus is growing

a tiny, tiny penis...

...a penis he may someday insert

into this female's vagina...

...should he survive his first encounter

without her eating him.

Paper towels. Get long.

- Don't!

- Dude, get a ton.

Oh, sh*t. Extra-large condoms.

I'm not paying for that sh*t.

Attention, valued shoppers.

Oh, my God.

Join us for an evening of balls-deep

entertainment at Thomas Kub's house.

Dude, stop.

Hey, little buddy.

Want something to drink? Hey.

He's gonna catch him

and he's gonna get his ass kicked.

You guys, we good on OJ?

Sunny D, dude.

Grab it. Throw it in. I love...

How are we doing on eggs?

Holy sh*t, dude. It's Miles Teller.

- Dude, it is. That's him. Holy sh*t.

- He's so badass.

Yeah, my boy's starting

at second base for USC.

He got sent to detention once

and banged the teacher.

Mi-Tell, what's cracking, bro?

- We go to North Pass.

- Yeah, dude, big fans.

- Huge fans.

- Cool. Awesome.

Look, we're making a movie.

Invite him, man. Come on.

All right. Okay. Um...

We're having a soire at my place tonight.

If you wanna swing by, it should be...

My boy is underselling this

like a motherf***er.

This sh*t's gonna be legit.

You should swing by.

Yeah, I can't. I actually got other plans

tonight, so I might not make it.

Dude, think about it. It's on Dickens Street.

We'd love to have you.

- Uh, Dickens Street?

- Yeah.

That's your party? You're throwing that?

That's where I'm going.

Heard it's gonna be crazy.

That's my party. I'm Thomas Kub.

It's my birthday today.

Yeah, I heard it's gonna be unlimited

high-school p*ssy.

Dude, high-school p*ssy for days.

What? Mind your own business, lady.

How you guys doing on liquor?

You got liquor?

Uh...

Don't even worry about it, man.

I'll bring it, call my boys up.

- Don't want you to sweat anything.

- Thank you so much.

Hey, it's your day. Cool.

See you guys tonight, then.

- All right, cool.

- Dickens Street.

- Teller, bring your mitt. We'll play catch.

- No.

- F***.

- "Bring your mitt"? The f***?

Nothing like black p*ssy on my dick

Word to the motherfucking DJ Quik

Okay, here's what I want.

Party's limited to the backyard, okay?

The house'll be locked

and the alarm'll be set.

- No one is going inside, all right?

- Stop.

- Throw down in the bushes?

- I don't care.

If I don't f*** a girl with big tits tonight,

I'm drowning myself.

Don't care if she's 300 pounds.

I have to f*** a girl with big tits.

Oh, my God.

Feel my drift, J. B?

Sure do.

I mean, I'd love to get some oral or,

you know, at least do some finger-banging.

What? Finger-banging?

Can you please elaborate?

You take your first finger,

your thumb and your middle finger.

Make a "come here" motion. "Come here. "

This is called "machine guns"

or "friendly scissors. "

The "circle of pleasure. "

The "itsy-bitsy spider. "

Tapping and circling. Tap, tap, tap.

Keep telling her how pretty

she is the whole time.

Shut the f*** up!

- Your loss, man. It's good knowledge.

- Oh, my God.

Straight up here, then take a right again.

All right, listen.

The three of us will have full access

to the house for sex and finger-banging.

Yes.

But no one else, okay?

Of course, bro, we got your back.

- Hey, take a right.

- Here?

You're gonna want to lock your doors.

Are you serious?

Yes, I'm serious.

Where the f*** are we going?

T- Rick's.

Gotta score some of that chronic sh*t.

Are you sure this guy's cool?

T- Rick's the coolest.

He's ex-military. Wait till you see

his gun collection. F***ing insane.

This place is ghetto as f***.

Why do we have to come

all the way here? We can't just get it at school?

Where do you think the school gets it?

This is wholesale.

You are literally retarded.

Ah, shut the f*** up.

Ah! F***.

T- Rick, open up.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, what's up, bro?

- I haven't seen you in a minute, Costa.

- Yeah.

- Nice to see you.

- How are you doing? Everything copacetic?

Everything's great. You upgraded the dish.

Looks great.

Yeah, I f***ing did, upscaled it.

- Upscaled it. I f***ing did.

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