Project X Page #6

- I'm f***ing sick of hearing about Queens.

We get it. Queens is awesome.

We're pussies. I don't f***ing care.

I'm doin'me

I'm livin'life right now, man

And this what I'm gonna do

Whatever happens, we can make this right.

I'll fix this whole house myself if I have to.

Your parents don't even come home

till Sunday. You just need to relax, man.

- You want a massage, bro?

- No, no. Just, stop.

This is my favorite song, guys.

But my body

My body's

I can't believe, like,

you guys just did this to me.

We did this for you.

Look, man, I know you're not a drug guy,

and I respect that about you.

- But right now, this is what you need.

- What is it?

It's Ecstasy. It'll put the brakes

on your little freak-out. Just take it.

All right. This won't totally,

like, f*** me up, will it?

Of course it will, dude.

That's the whole point.

Here.

- Hey.

- You get half of one.

Baby

All right, just give me like 10 minutes.

No f***ing way, man!

Ow! Get off me.

This is your night.

Cut the music. Cut it.

How's everybody doing? It's your host, Costa.

I'm gonna bring up my best friends,

Thomas and J.B.

Get your asses up here right now.

Come on, move your asses.

Come on, J.B., move your fat ass.

The reason you guys are here tonight

is because it's Thomas Kub's birthday.

And we're gonna sing a little

"Happy Birthday" for him. One, two, three.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Thomas

Happy birthday to you

Thanks, everybody, for coming.

Let's get the music rocking!

Let's f***ing lose it

Get out of your mind

Get out of your mind

Get out of your mind

F*** that sh*t

F***, yeah! What's up in this b*tch?

F***ers.

Hey, baby, what's up?

Want some of this?

Yeah!

The f*** you guys looking at?

Whoa!

- You got something to say?

- Buddy, what...? What the...

Let me go! Goddamn it!

Don't shut that...

Scuffin'shell-toes

Is that nigga dead?

Hey, have you seen Thomas?

We're looking for him.

Well, when you find him, can you tell him

I've got something for him?

Jump in.

You're breaking the rules, you know.

Ew. Heh.

Why won't you get in with me?

It's just, like, I already went

swimming once against my will.

Wetness.

Ha, ha. Whoa.

So, Thomas, are you having fun?

- No.

- Not at all?

- Yes.

- You look pretty f***ed up.

- I'm a little f***ed up.

- But you look good.

- Have you gotten lucky at all?

- I'm pretty lucky right now.

Slow down, dude.

Fine. Give me that.

- Are you having fun at this party?

- So much fun.

It's just that it's a small get-together.

It should be basically chill.

Look how chill this is.

It's no big deal. I mean, there's two DJ's.

That's not a big deal, right?

When do your parents get home?

- I don't know.

- J.B., get your fat ass up!

There's a midget in the oven.

Let's go. Come on.

What?

What? What did he say?

I heard, "midget in oven. "

Move the f*** out of the way!

Move the f*** out of the way!

- I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so sor...

- F***!

Hey, wrong guy. Wrong guy.

- My God. Jesus Christ.

- No.

Motherf***er! Motherfuckers!

You f***ing c*nt!

Yo, yo, yo, hey!

I just heard a rumor that all your balls

got attacked by a midget. Is it true?

Please, please, just tell me it is.

I'm praying it f***ing is.

Dude, I can't believe I missed it.

Look at your f***ing pupils.

- I love you guys.

- Ha, ha.

No, seriously.

Look, I realize I can be,

like, a huge dick sometimes...

...and I'm really sorry for that.

- It's okay.

- No, it's not.

J.B., I'm sorry for buying you a bra

on your birthday. That wasn't cool.

It wasn't cool, man.

And I'm sorry for all the times

I called you Fat F***.

Mm.

- Chubby B*tch.

- Yeah.

- Fudgy the Whale.

- Okay.

I'm sorry for that time

at your brother's Bar Mitzvah...

...where I told everyone you look like

Rosie O'Donnell, because you don't.

- I don't.

- Hey, guys?

- What?

- Um...

I hooked up with Kirby.

I'm, like, really into her.

Okay, seriously, Thomas,

that's, you know, cool and all.

But she's kind of always been around.

It's like hooking up with J.B.

But her tits are smaller.

- Hey.

- I'm just saying.

Kirby's sort of like one of us.

You know, tonight's about the girls

we never had a shot at.

Tonight's about changing the game.

Heads will roll

Heads will roll

Heads will roll

It's crazy out there.

I haven't seen Tyler in an hour.

We were slightly out of our league

on this mission.

- Cool room.

- Thanks.

It's a bit messy right now.

Here, let me...

So it's your birthday.

Yeah, it's my birthday.

Oh.

I know where they build 'em

I know where they're selling long

Wider than the worst ones

Wider than the one I know

Oh, my God. Thomas?

Kirby.

- F*** off.

- I'm sorry. Hey, hey, Kirby...

Thomas, what the f***?

A**hole.

- Would you like a hand with that?

- How long have you been in there?

- F***ing sh*t!

- What are you doing?

Kirby!

Kirby!

Alexis, are you having a good time?

No. I'm leaving.

Hi. You've reached

the Kub residence. Please, leave a message.

Thomas, it's me again.

I'm f***ed, dude.

I just got another call.

I'm sure the neighbors are exaggerating.

- Please call me.

- F***.

Your style and your physique

And I ain't tryin' to critique

But you deserve a good drink, so, what's up?

What you sippin'on?

It's no problem

Black and gold bottles

Like I'm pro-New Orleans

But, shorty, I'm far from a saint

But I got two AmEx's that look the same way

Wale, D.C., that's me, huh

My Prada say Prada and they Prada say Fila

I ain't gotta tell you

They know about me, huh

Come to D.C. And I can make you a believer

See, baby, I'm a leader

Day away from a Libra

I ain't tryin' to lead you wrong, sugar

I need you

So would you please listen

To what I'm gonna need from you

Live for tonight

Before tomorrow's amnesia

Pretty girls

I ask them do they smoke

Holy sh*t!

It's f***ing insane.

Thomas, look at what we did. Epic.

Is this big enough to be cool?

Game changer.

Holy sh*t, it's the news.

Dude, that's Thomas!

Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!

Are you hearing this?

Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!

This is your f***ing party, man.

You're right, dude. I needed this.

F***, yeah!

Look at me now, b*tches!

My party is the sh*t!

My party is legendary!

Thomas! Thomas! Thomas!

- Watch this.

- Watch what?

Are you kidding me?

Hey, all you b*tches. Aah!

Know me from the you know

Boss in my Hugo

Thomas, you crazy motherf***er!

I love you!

Jump! Jump! Jump!

F*** that sh*t. I'm not jumping.

F*** that.

Jump! Jump! Jump!

To my family members,

all my friends on Facebook...

- What?

- It's been a great ride.

- Costa, hold on to these.

- J.B., don't do it, man.

- You're way too fat.

- Shut up.

Yeah!

Oh, my God!

J.B., you all right, man?

- J.B., you all right?

- Ha-ha-ha!

This is Falcon One.

I was just attacked

by this really sexy woman.

We've lost all control.

The house was breached hours ago.

Chaos has spread to the streets.

And the police are returning in force.

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