Project X Page #5

- What? What's it say?

"Body shots for the birthday boy

right now"?

- Dude, it's f***ing on!

- Check it out.

- J.B., seriously, what are you doing?

- Your dad is a freak.

Stop. Give me that. Costa, stop, wait.

Costa, what are you doing?

- Replying.

Don't. Here, don't send that.

- Sent. Too late, man.

- What did you write?

"I want your ass too, Mommy"?

"I want your ass, Mommy"?

Who talks like that?

I do. The sh*t works.

Go. Go talk to her.

Oh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Wait. No, wait. What are you doing?

Not like that. Not like that.

Like this.

Put this in your mouth.

Your turn.

Kub! House phone! House phone!

Sh*t. Sorry. Um...

Excuse me. Sorry. Look out.

Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.

Oh, sh*t. Sorry.

Dax, close that behind you.

Sh*t! Dax, find the phone.

Um, right, you know what?

F*** it, just be quiet.

- Hello.

Thomas. Are you there?

- Dad, hey.

- Where have you been?

We've been trying your cell all night.

- We agreed all my calls would be answered.

- I know. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

We were out in the hot tub,

so I didn't have it on me.

I don't want to find wet towels

when we get home.

- I want to come home to a clean house.

- Of course, definitely.

- We were just calling... What was that?

- Dude, look at her.

What was that? Thomas?

Nothing. That was Costa.

You're on speakerphone.

We just wanted to call one last time

before going to bed...

...make sure you're all set for the night.

Yep, all good.

I'm actually about to

go to sleep right now, so...

Great. Well, we'll see you Sunday.

Happy birthday, Thomas.

- Thanks, Dad. Good night.

- Good night.

Holy sh*t.

F***, yeah!

Oh, sh*t, I think that's his dad.

What? I'm not here to bust anybody.

I'm just here to party.

- Ew!

- Come on, "Ew. "

Give me a break. You got a ball?

- Yeah, man.

- Let's do this.

Here we go. Paxson for three.

Whoa, ho, ho, ho!

Up high!

Come on, dude, right here. Yeah!

Let me have that.

Hey

Nasty, kid

Hey

What's that, dude? Hold on,

I can't f***ing hear a thing you're saying.

Speak up, E.

What? E...

What the f*** are you doing here?

- What you gonna do about it, b*tch?

- You're not invited, d*ckhead.

F***ing a**hole.

Bro, what's happening?

Subject is arguing with

an overweight woman, most likely his wife.

She wants him to call the police.

He wants to handle it himself.

He's drinking. They're in the kitchen.

I'm upstairs. Kids are asleep. Over.

Wait, you're in their house?

Are you f***ing kidding me?

E, get the f*** out now!

Negative. I'm a ghost. Out.

What the f*** am I gonna do with this kid?

E! E!

Are you having fun?

Yeah, I'm having a good time.

It's pretty f***ing crazy.

Oh, my God.

What was wrong with me?

Wow, this was before Costa.

Yeah, the good old days.

Yeah, back when you were

still in the crew, right?

You used to be so cute. What happened?

Shut the f*** up.

Still looks like me.

Was that weird? I'm sorry.

Sh*t, that was weird, wasn't it?

- No, it... It was a little weird. Heh.

- F***. Um...

Cops on the way.

Get out, everybody! Now!

Everybody in the back!

Get in the back now!

What, are you over there? Get in the back!

Cops are coming! Hurry, let's move!

Move it, move it! Let's go! Hurry up!

Cops are coming! Everybody in the back!

Costa. Hey, Costa.

Everybody get in the back!

Hey, what's going on?

The cops are on their way right now!

Oh, sh*t.

Get in the back now!

Everybody move! Let's go!

Keep going! Get in the back now!

Get out, police.

They're on their way now.

How do you know that?

Don't ask. My boy's in deep.

Gotta clear this f***ing beer out of here.

Damn it.

- Is that everything?

- Yeah. I got your chalice.

Law enforcement currently on scene.

Standing down, for now.

- I don't hear anything.

- No, it doesn't sound like a party.

Not a party that's still going, anyway.

Here they come.

- Evening, officers.

- Fellas having a party?

Yeah, we're having a small little

birthday gathering for my friend.

I'm the friend, my birthday.

Lot of cars for a small party.

Shh.

Shh.

The house? Whose is it?

Is there a problem here, officers?

We have a noise complaint.

- You mind if we look around?

- I'd prefer if you didn't.

- We're not asking.

- Excuse me, I'm not a lawyer or anything.

Doesn't the law state that

you cannot enter...

...through a private residence

without permission?

Is there an adult here

we might speak with?

You're speaking with one.

I'm 18 and a half years old, sir.

And, of course, in my culture

I've been a man since my 13th birthday.

So you're telling us we cannot come in?

With all due respect,

technically the law says you cannot.

But what we're saying is, you may not.

I guess both are true. The law says

you cannot because we say you may not.

All right, all right. Props on

the "can/may" bullshit. Very good.

No doubt. Thank you, sir.

Just keep the noise down

to a minimum, okay?

Yes, sir. Of course.

Don't make us come back.

You know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- Uh-huh. Of course.

- Good night.

- Officers.

Night.

"Technically the law states... "

Damn Internet.

Everybody's a f***ing attorney.

- F*** you.

- Dude, Costa. Seriously?

- F*** you.

- Come inside.

Just come inside. Just forget about it.

To the break of dawn, yo!

Holy sh*t!

What the f*** are you doing?

Thomas, my cousin can replace the window,

no problem. It's all good, man. I promise.

- Where did you get this? It's my mom's.

- Come on, bro. I'm not gonna break it.

Throw it in here, nice and low.

They're pills!

It's Ecstasy, bro!

You heard about this on Craigslist?

Craigslist, yeah. It's on the thing,

on the page, right there.

Whoa, we are so f***ed.

Relax, man.

We need to tell Thomas.

T- Rick's so burned out,

he probably forgot about it already.

This is bad.

Mom, Dad, it's me, Thomas.

Um...

I'm drunk. I mean, that's not an excuse.

Hopefully we'll meet again,

so I can explain things.

I don't really have an explanation...

...other than f***ing Costa

made me do it. So...

- F*** off!

- Dude, it's us.

I know.

What are you doing in here?

The whole party's outside.

Have you seen my f***ing house?

We have a whole day

to fix this place up. It's all good.

No, it's not all good, okay? I mean,

what about this? What if my parents see it?

Nobody's gonna see this sh*t but us.

I promise.

Where did all these people

even come from?

You know a guy down there told me...

...he found out about the party

on f***ing Craigslist?

My dad met my stepmom on Craigslist.

So you put my address

on the f***ing Internet?

- Well, not just the Internet.

- Shut the f*** up, J. B!

Wait, what the f*** is he talking about?

I had Jesse Marco put out an e-mail blast

and I may have called a radio station or two.

You motherfuckers!

You were so nervous

about people not showing up.

Dude, people are spilling sh*t,

breaking sh*t, probably stealing sh*t.

It's out of control.

I wasn't nervous. I wanted the party

to be big enough to be cool.

- Dude, look, back in Queens...

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