Pushing Dead Page #8

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- You okay?

- Oh, I think I cut my knee.

- You need a few stitches there.

- Oh no, no.

No, I'm HIV positive,

you don't want to do that.

- Huh.

Aren't we all. (laughs)

What's your name?

- (sighs) Lisa.

- Well, Lisa.

I've got good news.

You picked a great

place to wipe out.

We're about 6 blocks

away from a hospital.

- (sighs) I'm a little drunk.

- Can you stand?

Aargh!

Whoa! Ha ha.

Good work.

- One step at a time.

- Okay.

This way?

(sighs) Oh gosh, thank you.

- Sure!

- Thank you so much. Oh.

- You know what? Um...

- (groans)

- In the interest of time,

we should revise our plan.

- Okay.

- (grunts)

Here we go, Lisa!

[MUSIC]

Here we go.

Yup. You're doing great.

- (breathes heavily)

- Okay.

- I'm a little out of shape.

I just tied my shirt

around your knee

'cause I needed a breather.

- Oh, now I feel bad.

- I'm a little out of shape.

It's true...

We're so close though.

(exhales)

- (grunts)

- Aye, ah.

- Oh, son of a b*tch.

Son of a b*tch.

- That hurt me.

- Lisa, Lisa-a-a.

Mother of god. Mother of god.

Little help?

Oh that's...

That's fortuitous.

- I cut my leg

pretty bad I think.

- Here's your...

- Oh, thank you, I owe you one.

- No, it's no problem.

- [Nurse] We'll take

real good care of her.

- Oh, but what about your shirt?

- Oh, uh, keep it!

[MUSIC]

[DOOR OPENS]

- [Paula] Hello! Danny?

Mwa.

- Pray tell.

- (laughs)

What is in this pretty bag?

[UNZIPPING]

You are way too good to me.

- Turn, turn it over.

- Happy retirement, Guillermo.

- (laughs)

It was half price!

- You like it?

- I love it.

- Aw.

Look at that!

That's really handsome.

- I was thinking that it

was a really good thing

that I smashed the other one.

I got it when I started taking

meds and every time that

f***ing alarm went off

my whole body just seized up.

Reminded me of the

super scary old days.

- Well, this one does

not have an alarm.

- Good.

- [Automated voice] Please

hold while we access

Please hold while we

access the information.

Client ID is approved.

[MUSIC]

- Thank you. (laughs)

[PAPER SHREDDER

WHIRRING]

[MUSIC]

- (humming to music)

- (gasps)

(heavy breathing)

[MUSIC]

- So I have decided to have

a monogamous relationship

with myself.

- I am going to cheat

every now and again

on myself, because

what I don't know

cannot hurt me.

- I think I'm going

to have a beer.

- I think that's a fine idea.

(sniffs)

All right, let's do

this. (clears throat)

Hello

to Poetry Slam Thursday

at club Dot.

I am your host, Dan Schauble.

We have two poets

for you tonight,

but that is exactly two

more than we had last week,

so I am totally stoked,

but before I call them up,

I've got a little

something of my own.

Uh, this one's a little

rough around the edges.

Still workshopping it,

so go easy on me, okay?

(sighs)

AIDS.

[MUSIC]

What did I do to make you

so f***ing angry?

Here I was thinking that

maybe you and I

could be friends.

I guess that was naive.

You scurry through my system

like a nimble little kitty.

(chuckles)

Naturally, I am

allergic to cats.

Cats are ridiculous and adorable

the way that they

bat sh*t around--

I want one so badly.

(sighs)

AIDS.

I give you a place to live.

I put a roof over your head.

I share my bed with

you every night.

And in return all you

do is try to kill me.

I think that's so

rude.

Considering the fact

that we have to

spend the rest of

our lives together.

You should make an effort.

You should make an effort

to work things out.

Because, should you kill me,

I have a promise for you,

you sick,

soulless, son of a b*tch.

I'm taking you down with me,

motherf***er.

But enough about me.

(clears throat)

It's time to welcome

two very brave souls

to the stage.

We'll start with Gene Schnitzel.

He'll hand off to Maddie Levine.

Give it up, the

mic is yours,

it's Poetry Slam

Night at Club Dot!

[CLAPPING]

- [Paula] Well done, AIDS boy.

- Definitely keep

calling me that.

Ha.

Well hello.

It's time for me to

take my AIDS drugs.

These are really good.

- What?

Mm.

- Mm.

They are good. Mm.

- [Dot] That's right

they're good.

They're goddamn Swiss flavored.

- Mm-hm.

Swiss flavor, baby. (laughs)

[TV NEWS MUSIC]

- [Anchorwoman] National

American Shopping Day

- [Anchorwoman] And Brian

Navarro is covering things

from the streets of

Hayes Valley. Brian?

- [Brian] A field trip into

the city proved to be

a fun experience for

students and teachers alike,

and first grader

Kimberly Miller is here,

who has a little bit of advice

for the shoppers at home.

Kimberly?

[CROWS CAWING]

- Let the buyer beware.

[MUSIC]

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