Pushing Dead Page #7

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- [Mike] Uh, I'm not, I'm

not really very good at this,

I'm just gonna come

out and say it.

- [Mike] I think it's

a bad idea, um,

for me to try and

date right now.

Um, I mean, I, I've just

(clears throat) I've been

going through a lot of stuff

and you seem really sweet

but um, I just, I can't date

right now, it's

hard to explain.

Sorry. I'm sorry. I don't, I

don't want to sound like a dick.

I just need to...

(sighs) It's just, 22 years

is a long time.

and um...

- (clears throat) No,

you're right, I get it.

I understand. Completely.

Um. (clicks tongue)

I'm gonna have to go.

Because something is

burning somewhere.

(laughs)

[MUSIC]

[PHONE RINGING]

- [On recording] Hi, this

is Dan. I'm not around.

Please leave a message.

[PHONE BEEP]

- [Dan's mom] Dan honey,

are you there?

I'm feeling a little dizzy

and my eye is all pink.

And there's a strange

looking guy on the porch.

Could you call me when you can?

- Mom, hello?

Mom, what's wrong?

- [Mom] I'm sorry, honey.

I just wanted you to pick up.

- Ugh.

Jesus Christ, that's,

(sighs) that's diabolical.

- [Mom] Paula tells me

you're depressed.

- Well, I'm fine.

- [Mom] What is it?

- (sighs) It's nothing.

Some guy,

okay? I, I hardly knew him.

I got rejected. (chuckles)

So...

(sighs) So that's it.

Okay? It's no big deal.

- [Mom] No big deal but

you locked yourself

in your apartment

for three days?

- Okay, it hasn't

been three days.

It's been a day

and I'm...

(inhales)

I'm better now.

You should...

You should see me,

I'm doing quite well.

- [Mom] Have you had coffee?

you decide to stop

drinking coffee?

Cold turkey?

Honey, you have an addiction.

You need to feed it.

I'll hang up if you promise

to go make some coffee.

- (exhales) Okay.

- [Mom] You can quit when

you're better in the head.

- Okay.

[MUSIC]

Ah.

(burps)

Ugh.

(sighs)

She's a very smart woman.

- [Woman on TV] I was heading

off to Chile for a trip once

when my then-young-daughter

asked me

'Mommy, is it chilly in Chile?'

(laughs) It can be.

While we may think of this

South American country

as a hot spot,

the Andes Mountains--

- [Man on TV] Take a look

at this little guy, a tiny

mouse lemur from Madagascar.

[WATCH BEEPING]

- [Woman] He is adorable!

I want one!

-- are one of the most

endangered on the planet.

- [Man] Sad, but very,

very true. (chuckles)

Good night, everybody.

[TV MUSIC]

- Ah.

- [On TV] Same to you, Jeff.

- When you get yourself

shot full of holes

- and all crippled up, why,

- (sniggers)

- [Jeff] Come on over and sit

under my fig tree for a spell.

- [Billy] (chuckles) All right.

- [Jeff] Bye, Billy.

- [Billy] So long, Fuzzy.

You know where to find us if

you ever change your mind.

- [Jeff] Sure do.

[GUN FIGHT ON TV]

[WATCH BEEPING]

- (sniffs)

[TV CHATTER]

[WATCH BEEPING]

do not miss an dose. Do not

take more than one dose.

And if I do?

[PHONE DIALLING]

[PHONE TRILLING]

- [Automated voice] Pharmacy

hours are from 8:00 AM

Please call back

during business hours.

[MUSIC]

- Make sure you take this

one on an empty stomach.

Fatty foods will block it from

being absorbed into your system.

- Ugh!

[MICROWAVE DINGS]

Ah.

[WATCH BEEPING

AND GLITCHING]

[BEEPING WINDS DOWN]

[WATCH BEEPS]

(breathes heavily)

(sighs)

(breathes heavily)

- Are you all right?

You okay?

- I'm fine.

Sorry. I didn't

mean to wake you.

- [Paula] Should I be worried?

- Good night, Paula.

- [Paula] Good night.

- (sighs)

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

(sighs)

[PULSE]

(gasps)

Ow, what the...?

[PULSE]

(gasps) Ah--

F*** is... Ah.

(exhales sharply)

Ooh.

(groaning)

[PHONE VIBRATING]

- [Dan] Hey!

Okay, there's

definitely something

wrong with me.

I'm in a great deal of pain.

think I need to go to

the emergency room.

- I'm calling an ambulance.

- No! No, no, no.

Don't be crazy.

Just, just come get me.

Please, please just come get me?

- We are two blocks

from the hospital.

- Just hang in there, Danny!

- Aargh! Sh*t!

- Aaah, red light, okay. Okay.

- Okay, we're almost

there. Keep breathing!

[VOICE ECHOES AND FADES]

- [Dan] Kevin?

- There's absolutely

nothing to be afraid of.

[PULSE]

- (grunts)

[HOSPITAL LOUDSPEAKER

CHATTER]

- We have nothing to fear

but fear itself.

[RIPPING]

(gasps)

(screams)

- [Man on TV] These are

flying off the shelves.

Commemorative 9/11

hunting knives.

The iconic twin towers

on these handles

are coated with a

fluid-resistant

sure grip resin.

Beautiful tribute weapon.

- [Dan] Thank you, doctor.

You can send my friends in.

I'll break the news.

You don't, you don't

have to do that.

- I'll give you some privacy.

- Thank you.

I'll miss you.

- Hey!

- Hey!

Look who's here!

- (chuckles)

- [Dan] Dot!

I did not expect to see you.

How are you?

- I'm okay. The big question is:

- How are you?

- Yeah, how are you?

- (sighs)

- [Paula] What is it?

What's wrong?

- (sniffs)

Look, you guys are my family.

I'm not gonna mince words.

We all knew this day would come.

I have a kidney stone.

- Oh, you ass!

- (laughs)

- [Paula] I thought

it was serious!

- It is very serious.

Do you have any idea how

much these things hurt?

- Yeah I, I had a

kidney stone once.

- You had a gall stone.

- Same thing.

Ah...

I'm sorry, you're right.

It was a gall stone.

- [Dan] Aw, it was a gall stone.

You guys should

get out of here.

I'm gonna be stuck for a

couple hours at least.

- I'll wait with him.

You both go ahead.

- Are you sure?

- Of course!

You're perfectly healthy.

It's poopy here. Go.

- We're all just glad

you're all right.

Yeah...

Ah, man.

(sniffs)

- That was adorable.

The only time I've

seen him cry was once,

during an extreme home makeover.

- (crying) Just glad

you're okay, man.

- Bob.

- Aw.

He's so sensitive.

I should've just married a lady.

- We gon' get out of here.

We'll see ya.

- Bye, Bob!

- Bye!

- [Bob] Bye bye.

(chuckles)

- Oh my god.

What did I miss? What happened?

- I think your stone brought

them back together.

- Well sh*t, I should've

thought of this

way sooner.

- How are you feeling?

- I have no idea.

I'm on morphine.

- (laughs) I'm so

glad you're okay.

Is there anything

else I can get you?

- No, I'm good. I'm so good.

- All right, let me know if

there's anything else.

- I'm just gonna

ride this high.

- Okay.

[PAPER SHUFFLING]

[KEYS CLATTER]

- [Paula] (baby talk)

Boy, oh boy,

Ooh, it's nice and warm!

Oh, who's a dirty boy?

Who is a dirty, dirty boy?

Dirty boy?

(squeaky voice) Take that!

(normal voice) Oh!

(squeaky) No, you take that!

(normal) No you take that.

Watch it. Watch it.

You settle down.

- So, this is a thing

that's happening.

- Oh hey, if you,

uh, are going out,

I used it all up. I

used it all up on you.

- You talking to me

or the monkey?

- Yeah right behind the ears.

(sing-songy) Right

behind the ears.

[MUSIC]

- Ow.

Stupid shoes...

Oh, ah! (grunts)

- Oh, hey there!

Hey, hey, hey!

- Ah...

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