Puss in Boots

[guitar strumming] [rhythmic tapping]

[orchestra plays flamenco music]

[whip cracks]

[male] Through the years, I have been known by many names.

Diablo Gato.

The Furry Lover.

Chupacabra.

Friskie Two-Times.

And the Ginger Hit Man. [chuckles]

But to most... I am Puss In Boots!

Outlaw.

[fan squeaking]

[snoring]

[chain clanks]

[purring snore]

I will never forget you... Margherita.

[meows]

I mean, Rosa. [chuckles]

Uh, sorry. I think maybe I should go.

[man snoring]

Hmm.

[snoring continues]

[floorboard creaks]

[shouts]

[shouts, grunts]

[both grunting]

[snickers]

[yowls]

[man] Oh! Ow! Ooh!

You cannot run forever, Puss In Boots!

[panting]

[sighs wistfully]

[blows kisses]

[Puss] What can I say? I was a bad kitty.

Just a fugitive from the law... forever running.

Searching for a way to clear my name.

And I would get that chance...

[sword whipping] ...on this one fateful night.

[fireworks whistle, explode] [celebratory howling]

[festive Latin music playing]

[cheering]

[chicken clucking]

[cheering]

[men chattering]

[derisive laughter]

Here, kitty, kitty! [laughs]

Raoul. Look what the cat dragged in.

Oh, wait... That is the cat!

[laughter] [Puss growls]

[grunts]

One leche, please.

What are you doing here, señor? Did you lose your ball of yarn?

[laughter]

[chuckles] So funny.

One leche coming up.

[grunts]

[cackling]

[Puss] I am not looking for trouble.

I am but a humble gato in search of his next meal.

Perhaps you gentlemen can help me find a simple score?

The only thing you'll find tonight is trouble... Puss In Boots.

[footsteps approach]

Well, perhaps if one of us were to tell the law that you are in town, we could split the reward.

[men shriek]

[tsk-tsking]

You made the cat angry.

You do not want to make the cat angry!

[clears throat] The Church of St. Michael has just put up a golden statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe.

I do not steal from churches.

The boys' orphanage has been donated silver candlesticks, they would look very lovely in your home.

I do not steal from orphans. Uh, what about Jack and Jill?

Shh! Are you crazy? The what?

The murderous outlaws Jack and Jill have gotten their hands on... magic beans.

Do not joke with me about magic beans!

I searched half my life for them. They do not exist.

No, cat. We have seen them.

These... are the beans of legend.

Huh? Whoa.

Grows a vine to the Land of Giants, and the Golden Goose.

The Golden Goose...

A heist like this could set you up for life.

All nine of them.

Show him the golden eggs.

No!

Please, you have shown enough.

Only a cat with a death wish would steal the beans from Jack and Jill.

The only wish I have is to repay an old debt.

And this is my chance.

Now...

...where do I find this Jack and Jill?

[squealing]

[swallows]

[plays slow ballad]

[low rumbling] Huh? [gasps]

[gasps] [stops playing]

[gasping] [dog yelps]

I'm sorry... we have no rooms.

[man groans] [thuds]

Well, I think one just opened up.

[man whimpers]

We'd like a complimentary continental breakfast.

And don't even think about skimpin' on them baby muffins.

[door locks]

[whimpering] We don't have any baby muffins.

[sobbing] [ballad resumes]

[Jack] You know, Jill...

...I been thinking.

[Jill sighing] Get it out.

I, um... Once we're done with this magic bean business and got ourselves all them beautiful golden eggs...

Mm-hm, go on.

...that we cut down on some of the hijacking and murdering.

I mean, it's fun and all, but, uh...

...I want a baby.

[barking]

[fireworks crackle] [distant cheering]

[Jill] A baby what, Jack?

[Jack] A baby us, Jill.

We'll raise it wild, like a squirrel or something.

Holy frijoles!

They do exist.

[Jill groans] Ever since you fell down that hill and broke your crown, you have been talking crazy.

[glass squeaking]

[Jack] It couldn't hurt to have an extra shooter during ambushes.

[Jill] Maybe I cut too deep... cut that brain out of your head.

Hey! What gives? [hisses]

[Jack] If it's to be a girl, she'll have your strong...

No! No! No!

You, you, you! You stop where you are!

[Jill] I don't know, Jack.

How do I ride and shoot with a baby slung on my back?

[Jack] They got them backpacks now. The way I see it, Jill...

Those beans are mine!

[Jack] ...we fall off this flat earth one time.

What better proof of our love...

Me? [Jack continuing indistinctly]

You snap me?

[makes snapping sound]

You snap me?!

[growling]

[growling, hissing]

[gun blast] [yowls]

You looking for something?

[cackling]

Uh, no. [chuckles nervously]

No hablo inglés.

[explosion] Whoa, whoa!

You are going to pay for this!

[people screaming] [Jack chuckles]

[grunts, growls]

[people shouting]

[blows raspberry] Huh?!

Oh!

[gasps]

No!

[sighs] Oh!

[gasps] Chupacabra!

[Puss yowls] Chupacabra! Chupacabra!

Chupacabra! You are a crazy woman!

[grunting]

Ha! [people gasp]

[purrs] [giggles]

Ha-ha!

Ow!

[growls]

[cats yowling] [glass shatters]

[howls]

[romantic Latin music playing]

[mewing] [music stops]

[purring]

[cat clears throat]

Those magic beans were my score!

You just cost me a chance at getting the golden eggs, mi amigo.

Put up your dukes.

[rhythmic rattling]

[cats meowing]

[percussive beat begins]

[low growling]

[beat continuing]

[rhythmic clanking]

[cats chattering]

[beat stops]

[beat resumes]

Ha!

Yah! [cats cheering]

Psst!

Very well.

If it is to be a dance fight, then I will Tuesday-Night-Dance-Fight you to the death!

[plays dramatic riff]

[flamenco music plays]

Ha!

Ha! [cats cheering]

[yowls] [gasps]

How dare you do the Litter Box at me!

[Puss] Hello!

[snickers]

Toot-toot!

Ha!

Ha-ha! Hmmph!

♪ Hey-aa ♪

Can you feel me?

[yowls]

[grunts] [music quickens]

Ha-ha!

[all gasp]

Yah!

[snarls] [grunts]

[grunting]

[cats cheer]

[thunder crashes]

[growling]

[yowling in slow motion]

Fear me... if you dare.

[gasps]

Ha!

[chuckles]

[guitar twangs] [groans]

[crowd gasps]

You hit me in the head with a guitar?!

[stammering] You are a woman?

Ohhh!

Whoa.

[scoffs] Amateur.

Wow! [cats meowing]

Señorita, wait!

Let me buy you some leche! I am a lover, not a... fighter.

Hello?

You are hiding from me?

I like to play the games, too.

I sense in you a kindred spirit, a...

[sniffs] Hmm.

I smell something familiar.

[sniffs deeply]

Something... dangerous.

Something...

...breakfasty.

[male] It's been a long time, brother.

Maldito huevo.

Ha!

Humpty Alexander Dumpty.

How dare you show your face to me.

[sighs] I know you're angry. You have every right.

But it is good to see you, Puss.

[Puss growls] Are those new boots?

No! They are the same boots I wore when you betrayed me.

[stammers] Betrayed you?

You left me cracked in pieces on a bridge, surrounded by soldiers!

They wrote a song about it!

And how did we get on that bridge in the first place?!

Because we were brothers, and brothers are supposed to look after each other...

Humpty!

Remember why we're here.

I should have known.

I had the magic beans in my grasp, and you sent this very attractive devil woman to interfere.

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