Puss in Boots Page #2

You are a curse on my life!

Whoa, whoa, wait. Hear me out. OK?

Yes, yes, I sent Kitty to bring you here.

But she is no ordinary thief.

She's Kitty Softpaws.

The softest touch in Spain.

That's a lot of heel for a guy, don't you think?

[sighs]

Look, with Kitty's skill, your sword and my brain, we've got a fighting chance here.

Puss, come on, you of all people know that nobody's ever ripped off the giant's castle and lived to tell the tale.

You want to survive? You need a plan.

And I've studied this job my whole life. You know that.

Let's be honest.

Without me, you don't even know where to plant the beans, Puss.

But Jack and Jill do. They're on their way.

We go up the beanstalk outlaws, and we come down legends.

So what do you say?

Partners?

No. Never again.

I'm sorry, OK? How long are you gonna hold a grudge?

It's been seven years! That's like 35 cat years.

You need me! And I need you.

Puss! You got any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo prison?

[ballad stops]

I'll tell you this, my friend.

It ain't over easy.

Ohhh!

Adiós... Humpty Dumpty.

[ballad resumes]

Oh, this is bad. This is bad.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

I know how to speak meow.

...sad story with your twisted lies in your greasy shell that smells like old ham!

I should crack you open for... [gasps]

[growls playfully]

[grunting]

[Kitty chuckling] Look what I found.

[sing-songy] Someone forgot his money.

[coins rattle]

Oh, you are dangerous.

[chuckles] Humpty says you like danger.

Just think of all the trouble we can get into.

The two of us together.

We can steal a lot of golden eggs.

Hmm?

[groans]

And... you owe me.

I owe you? Mm-hm.

You hit me in the head with a guitar.

I regret the guitar.

OK, I forgive you.

So... you're in?

[chuckling]

There is one teeny, tiny, itty-bitty problem.

And what is that?

You work for the egg!

Oh, come on, Puss.

What happened between you and Humpty that was so bad?

I am afraid with me and Humpty...

[sighs] ...the scars are too deep.

[sighs]

It all started a long time ago.

Oh, no. You really don't have to tell me your whole life story, please. You may want to sit.

It is at times quite... painful.

OK, here we go.

It was a year in which the rain had not fallen.

The wind was big and the basket was small.

For days, I bounced along...

...a hungry little kitten with no milk, no mama, and no litter box.

Until I came to rest at a home for lost children.

[mews]

Ohh. [chuckles]

[clicks tongue]

[Puss] Her name was Imelda. And, like a mother, she took me into her heart and raised me as her own.

[kids shouting]

[Imelda] Silencio.

Silencio.

[Puss] She was an angel of kindness.

¡Silencio!

[shouting stops] [Puss] Most of the time.

I'd like to introduce a new boy joining us.

It's OK, pequeño. You show with the face.

Go on.

[mews]

[Puss] And that was the moment I met...

Humpty Alexander Dumpty.

[boy] Hey, Whiskers!

You're sitting in Little Boy Blue's chair.

[squeaks] Oh, come on. Is this necessary?

Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?

Who asked you, Breakfast?

Remember what Imelda says, Boy Blue:

If you're going to blow your top, you blow your horn instead, right?

Let's spin him. [shrieks]

Please don't spin me. Do not spin me!

Not again! No! I'm gonna yolk!

[Puss] Even though he took my beans, the egg stood up for me, and I decided then... [grunts]

...that I would always have his back.

[grunts]

[hisses]

Wow!

That was very impressive. Thanks!

[horn blowing] [girl] Hey, egg boy!

[girl clucks]

[Puss] There was something about this strange little egg that intrigued me.

[shrieks] Oh... it's you.

I've been collecting for months now.

You never know when you're gonna get lucky. You know what I mean?

[whispering] Magic beans... is what they are.

Hello? You gonna tell all the other kids that I believe in magic now? Is that what you're gonna do?

No? What's your name?

[mews] You don't say much, do you?

I think I'll call you Sparky.

Whiskers?

Zoltar!

How about Puss?

[Puss] Humpty's mind was full of imagination and invention.

[Humpty] What is that, 50 feet down there?

Here we go. Give me a... [yelling] Puss!

[gasps] Look at me, Puss! I'm flying!

[laughs, grunts]

[Puss] He spoke of legends and adventures beyond my wildest dreams.

Oh, when I find those magic beans, they'll grow a vine straight up into the clouds, where a terrible and a fearsome giant hoards his greatest treasure...

...the Golden Goose.

Oh, the Golden Goose. Just one.

Just one of her golden eggs... could set me for life.

It's my destiny, Puss.

I can't really explain it, but I just feel like I belong up there.

[sighs]

Oh, boy. This is awkward.

This is kind of a solo dream here.

I don't need any dead weight, you know, holding me down.

[purring]

What are you doing? Oh, man, that's good.

The eye thing that you're doing, that is really splendid.

OK, let me just think for a second. All right... OK.

Uh... This is crazy, but...

...I am considering a partnership.

I just need to know one thing.

Can you commit?

Sí... I can commit.

Oh, you can talk! Could you help me up?

[grunting]

OK...

[Humpty] First rule of Bean Club...

...you do not talk about Bean Club.

Second rule of Bean Club...

...is you don't talk about Bean Club. You ready?

Ready.

From this day forth, it shall be known...

Never alone, always together...

Humpty and Puss...

[both] Brothers forever.

[Puss] And from that moment on, we were united on a great adventure to find the magic beans.

Help me up.

Egg me.

[Puss] Humpty was the brains...

[screams] Good gracious! I never saw him!

[Humpty] That really hurt! [Puss] ...and I was the skill.

[Humpty] I'm cracked!

We got red beans, green beans, coffee beans, lima beans... but no magic beans.

Would you care for a jelly bean? Oh, thank you.

[Puss] Finding them meant everything to us.

[Humpty] Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing.

That's me and you, Puss.

Me and you.

[Puss] But we never did find them.

And, as years passed, the quest for magic beans seemed more and more like the dreams of a child.

Aw!

[Puss] As teenagers, Humpty and I looked for trouble...

...and often found it.

Third time this month, Imelda. Next time is jail time.

They're just kids. [chuckles]

They are thieves.

[Imelda clears throat]

You are better than this.

I believe in you with all my heart.

Please do not let me down.

I hate this place.

I cannot wait for us to get out of here.

Throw a rock. It'll make you feel better.

[bellows] [crowd gasps]

Oh, boy. We should go.

[Puss] On instinct, I reacted.

Ha!

[grunts]

[bull snorts] Aah!

[bellows in slow motion]

He saved the Comandante's mother!

[moos]

You saved my mother.

Señor Puss... he is a hero!

[cheering]

Today we see that courage and bravery come in all sizes!

[Puss] Little did I know that one moment would change my whole life.

These are for you, my boy.

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