Pygmalion Page #2

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Oh, buy a floWer,

kind sir?

I'm short

for my lodging.

Oh, you liar. You ust said

you could change half a crown.

You oughta be stuffed

with nails, you ought!

Here, take the whole

bloomin' basket for sixpence!

A reminder.

Oh!

Come on, Pickering.

This is a wonderful meeting.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh, excuse me. Have you seen those

two ladies who were here ust now?

Oh, they went to the bus

when the rain stopped.

And left me with a cab

on my hands? Oh, blast!

Never mind, young man.

I'm goin' home in a taxi.

Here, here.

Wait a minute.

Eighteen pence ain't

no obect to me, Charlie.

Buckingham Palace,

and step on it!

Bye, Freddy!

Well, I'll be dashed!

Here you are,

Buckingham Palace.

- How much, dearie?

- It'll cost you a bob.

You're a robber,

you are.

It's disgraceful.

A bob for two minutes!

Ever been in

a taxi before?

Hundreds and thousands

of times!

Impudence!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, dearie.

Look what I got.

As you see,

my dear Pick,

the human ear is a perfect

recording and amplifying apparatus.

Well, tired of

listening to sounds?

Amazing.

I rather fancy myself because I can

pronounce 24 distinct vowel sounds.

Your 130 beat me. I can't hear

any difference between most of them.

Oh, it, uh,

comes from practice, you know.

I rather fancy myself because I can

pronounce 24 distinct vowel sounds.

Good heavens.

Is that me?

I can't hear any difference

between most of them.

Concealed

microphone.

For unsuspecting

victims.

- What is it, Mrs. Pearce?

- There's a young woman wants to see you, sir.

- What's she want?

- She says you'll be glad when you know what she's come about.

She's a very

common girl, sir.

I'd have got rid of her, only

you see such queer people sometimes.

- Has she an interesting accent?

- Just dreadful, sir.

Good.

Show her up at once.

This is really

a bit of luck.

We'll set her talking, and I'll

take it down in my phonetic shorthand.

Then we'll

get her on the machine.

- You can turn it on as often as you like.

- Wait.

Here's the young

woman, sir.

Oh, it's you!

Oh, she's no use.

I've got all the records I want

of the Lisson Grove lingo.

Be off with you.

I don't want you.

Don't you be so saucy.

You ain't heard what I come for yet.

Did you tell him

I come in a taxi?

Do you think a gentleman like

Mr. Higgins cares what you came in?

Oh, we are proud,

aren't we?

He ain't above givin' lessons.

I heard him say so.

And if my money's not good enough,

I can go elsewhere.

- Good enough for what?

- Good enough for you.

So now you know,

don't you?

I'm come to have

lessons, I am.

And to pay for 'em too,

make no mistake.

Well.

I say, Pickering.

Shall we ask this obect to sit down, or

shall we throw her out of the window?

I won't be called an obect

when I've offered to pay like any lady.

What is it you want,

my dear?

I wanna be a lady

in a flower shop...

instead of selling

in Piccadilly Circus.

But they won't take me

unless I can talk more genteel.

Well, he said

he could teach me.

Here I am. I'm ready to pay.

I'm not askin' any favors.

And he treats me

as if I was dirt.

I know what lessons cost,

and I'm ready to pay.

- How much?

- Oh, now we're talkin'.

I thought you'd come off it

when you saw a chance of gettin' back...

a bit of the money

what you chucked at me last night.

- You'd had a drop, hadn't ya?

- Sit down.

Oh, if you're goin' to

make a compliment of it.

- Sit down!

- What's your name?

Eliza Doolittle.

Won't you sit down,

Miss Doolittle?

Oh. I don't mind

if I do.

How much do you propose

to pay me for the lessons?

Oh, I know

what's right.

A lady friend of mine,

she gets French lessons...

at 18 pence an hour

from a real French gentleman.

But you wouldn't have the nerve to ask

the same for teachin' me me own language...

as what you would for French, so

I won't give you more than a shillin'.

- Take it or leave it.

- I, um-

I'll take it.

You know, Pickering,

a shilling to this girl is worth

It's handsome, enormous.

It's the biggest offer I've ever had.

- Sixty pounds? What are you talkin' about?

- Hold your tongue.

- But I ain't got 60 pounds.

- Nobody's going to touch your money.

Someone's going to touch you with a

broomstick if you don't stop snivelling.

Anyone would think

he was my father.

Higgins,

I'm interested.

- What about that boast that you could pass her off as a duchess?

- What about it?

I'd say you're the greatest

teacher alive if you make that good.

I'd bet you all the expenses

of the experiment you can't do it.

- And I'll pay for the lessons.

- Oh, you're real good.

- Come here. Sit down.

- Thank you, Captain.

This is almost

irresistible.

She's so

deliciously low,

so horribly dirty.

Oh! I ain't dirty.

I washed my face and hands

before I come, I did.

I shall make a duchess of this

draggle-tailed guttersnipe.

Oh!

In six months- in three, if she

has a good ear and a quick tongue-

I'll take her anywhere

and pass her off as anything.

We start today, this minute.

Mrs. Pearce, clean her.

Take off all her clothes

and burn them.

Order some new ones. Wrap her up

in brown paper till they come.

You're no gentleman, you ain't,

to talk of such things.

I'm a good girl, and I know

what the likes of you are.

We want none of your

slum prudery here, young woman.

You've got to learn to behave like

a duchess. Take her away, Mrs. Pearce.

- If she gives you trouble, wallop her.

- I'll call the police!

- I've no place to put her.

- Put her in the ashcan.

- You can't pick a girl up as if picking a pebble off the beach.

- Why not?

- She may be married.

- Garn!

As the girl very

properly says, "Garn!"

- Who would marry me?

- By George, Eliza.

Before I'm done with you, the streets

will be strewn with the bodies of men...

shooting themselves

for your sake.

He's off his chump, he is.

I don't want no loonies teachin' me.

Oh, I'm mad, am I?

Very well, Mrs. Pearce, throw her out!

- Stop. I won't allow it. Go home to your mother.

- I ain't got no mother.

She ain't got no mother.

The girl doesn't belong to anybody.

- She's no use to anybody but me.

- What's to become of her?

Is she to be paid anything?

Do be sensible.

What on Earth would she do with money?

She'll only drink if you give her money.

It's a lie! Nobody ever saw

a sign of liquor on me.

Doesn't it occur to you that

the girl has some feelings?

Oh, I don't think so.

Have you, Eliza?

I got my feelin's

the same as anyone else.

- See the difficulty?

- What difficulty?

- To get her to talk grammar.

- I don't want to talk grammar. I want to talk like a lady.

Will you please keep

to the point, Mr. Higgins?

What's to become of her when

you've finished with her teaching?

- What's to become of her if we leave her in the gutter?

- That's her business.

When we're finished,

we'll throw her back in the gutter.

You've no feelin' heart in you.

I'm goin' away. I've had enough of this.

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