Pygmalion Page #3

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You oughta be

ashamed of yourself!

Here, here, here,

Eliza!

Eliza.!

Come here, Eliza.

Here, here, here,

Eliza.

Have a chocolate,

Eliza.

How do I know what

might be in them?

There's girls been drugged

by the like of you.

Pledge of

good faith, Eliza.

I wouldn't have ate it, only I'm

too ladylike to take it out of me mouth.

You shall have boxes

of 'em, Eliza.

You shall

live on them.

Now listen to me, Eliza.

You're going to live here

for six months...

and learn to speak beautifully

like a lady in a florist shop.

If you're good

and do Whatever you're told,

you shall sleep in a proper bedroom,

have lots to eat...

and money to buy chocolates

and take rides in taxis.

If you're naughty

and idle,

you shall sleep in the back

kitchen among the black beetles,

and be Walloped by Mrs. Pearce

With a broomstick.

At the end of six months,

you shall go to Buckingham Palace...

in a carriage,

beautifully dressed.

If the King finds out

you're not a lady,

you'll be taken by the guards

to the Tower of London,

Where your head

Will be cut off...

as a Warning to other

presumptuous floWer girls.

But if you

are not found out,

you will receive a present

of seven and sixpence...

to start life with

as a lady in a shop.

If you refuse

this offer,

you will be a most ungrateful

and wicked girl,

and the angels

will weep for you.

Now are you satisfied,

Pickering?

Can I put it more fairly,

Mrs. Pearce?

Bundle her off

to the bathroom.

You're a great bully, you are. And

I won't stay here if I don't like it.

I never asked to go

to Buckingham Palace.

If I'd known what I was lettin'

myself in for, I wouldn't have come.

Let's get clean.

You're dirty.

Dirty? I Washed my face

and hands before I come, I did.!

I shall make a duchess of this

draggle-tailed guttersnipe.

It ain't natural!

I've never had a bath in me life!

Nonsense, Eliza. Don't you want to be

sweet and clean and decent, like a lady?

You can't be a good girl inside

if you're a dirty girl outside.

- Now, away to your room and take off

all your clothes- - It ain't decent!

Nonsense, girl. Don't you take off all your

clothes every night before you go to your bed?

No. Why should I?

I'd catch me death.

I'll take off

me skirt.

- Eliza, now be a good child-

- No! No!

Get these off at once

and come back to me.

If I'd known what a dreadful thing it is

to be clean, I'd never have come!

I didn't know when I

was well off, I didn't!

It ain't decent!

- Come here.

- Oh, no, Mrs. Pearce.

- Come on.

- But I couldn't, really.

I've never done such a thing before,

really I didn't.

Oh!

Oh.

NoWcome on in

and tell me if the Water's hot enough.

No, Mrs. Pearce, don't!

No! Help!

No, Mrs. Pearce! Stop it!

I'm getting wet!

Oh, help.!

Help.!

I've never been

treated like this before!

Stop it!

Help!

Higgins, excuse

the straight question,

but are you a man of good character

where women are concerned?

Have you ever known a man of good

character where women are concerned?

- Yes, very frequently.

- Well, I haven't.

- I find-

- Breakfast is ready, sir.

I find that the moment I let

a woman make friends with me,

she becomes ealous, exacting,

and a confounded nuisance.

So I'm a confirmed old bachelor,

and likely to remain one.

- Coffee?

- Thanks. You know what I mean.

I hope it's understood that no advantage

is to be taken of her position.

What? That thing?

Sacred, I assure you.

I've taught scores of American

millionairesses to speak English.

The best looking women in the world.

I'm seasoned.

They might ust as well

be blocks of wood.

Excuse me,

Mr. Higgins.

- I'd like to trouble you if I may.

- Yes?

Will you be very particular

what you say before the girl?

- I'm always particular about what I say.

- Oh, no, sir.

It doesn't matter before me.

I'm used to it.

But you really must not

swear before the girl.

- I never swear! What the devil do you mean?

- That's what I mean.

- I don't mind your damning and your blasting,

- Mrs. Pearce.

but there's a certain word

I must ask you not to use.

The girl used it in the bath

because the water was too hot.

It begins with the

same letter as "bath. "

I cannot charge myself

with ever having uttered it,

except perhaps in moments of

extreme and ustifiable excitement.

Only this morning, sir,

you applied it to the boots,

the butter,

and to the brown bread.

Oh, that. A mere alliteration.

Natural to a point.

- Is that all?

- No, sir.

You'll have to be very particular with

this girl as to her personal cleanliness.

Yes, certainly, certainly.

Most important.

And might I ask you not to come

down to breakfast in your dressing gown,

or not to use it

as a table napkin if you do?

And will you please remember

not to put the porridge saucepan...

onto the clean

tablecloth?

I hope you're not

offended, sir.

No, not at all.

Not at all, Mrs. Pearce.

- Is that all?

- Oh, no, sir.

I really don't think I can

put the girl back into these.

Might she wear one of those Chinese

garments you brought back from abroad?

Certainly, certainly.

What the devil's that?

Oh, don't burn that.

We'll keep that as a souvenir.

You know, that- that woman has

the most extraordinary ideas about me.

Here am I- a shy,

diffident sort of man.

Yet she's firmly persuaded that I'm a

bossy, arbitrary, overbearing kind of person.

How do you

account for that?

- I can't imagine.

- I can't imagine either.

I'm afraid I've got to tell you, sir,

that the trouble's beginning already.

There's a dustman outside,

Alfred Doolittle.

He says you've got his daughter here.

I don't like the looks of him.

- Show the blackguard in!

- He may not be a blackguard.

Of course

he's a blackguard.

- We may get something interesting out of him.

- About the girl?

- No. I mean his dialect.

- Doolittle, sir.

- Professor Higgins?

- Here. Good morning.

Sit doWn.

Morning, guvnor.

- I come about a very serious matter, guvnor.

- Brought up in Hounslow.

Mother Welsh,

I should imagine.

What do you want,

Doolittle?

I want my daughter.

That's what I want.

Well, of course you do.

I'm glad to see you have

some spark of family feeling left.

Your daughter's

upstairs. Here.

- Take her away at once.

- What?

Now look here, guvnor.

Is this reasonable? Is it fairity?

The girl belongs to me.

You've got her. Where do I come in?

How dare you come here

and try to blackmail me!

- You sent her here on purpose.

- No, no, no.

This is a plot, a plant,

an attempt to extort money by threats.

- I shall telephone the police.

- Have I asked you for a brass farthing?

I leave it to

the gentleman here.

- Have I said a word about money?

- What else did you come for?

I'll tell you,

if you'll let me get a word in.

I'm willing to tell ya.

I'm wanting to tell ya.

I'm waiting to tell ya.

This fellow has a certain

natural gift of rhetoric.

Observe the rhythm of

his native woodnotes wild:

"I'm willing to tell you. I'm wanting

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