Querida voy a comprar cigarrillos y vuelvo

Morocco, Mogador.

Hundreds of years ago.

Look at the goats

who have climbed on the trees.

The Director went mad and

got them up there with a winch?

No.

This is for real,

in Morocco these animals

climb on trees to eat fruits.

There, reality and fantasy

aren't separated.

Anything impossible might

happen in Morocco.

Also in Buenos Aires.

Take a look at that guy over there

in the red djeilaba.

Anybody,

travels from Morocco to Spain

and from Spain to Morocco,

buying and selling.

Do you like bread?

Soon you'll eat something

tastier and juicer.

As a cannibal from New Guinea

might say,

"You don't know anything when

it comes to the best meat.

To eat a simple, crude cow, one

might just become a vegetarian. "

Our guy leaves the village,

ignorant to the fact that something

is about to yank him from

his daily routine forever.

Honestly, he'll still follow routines,

but in a very different way.

Sailors call it

"the dead calm".

They get nervous

when the sea is too quiet.

Honestly, one should seek refuge

in a basement,

wait till it passes.

Just in case!

The chances to get struck

by lightning are one-in-a-million.

Unfortunately lightnings don't know

crap about statistics.

According to Gauss,

who was a wise man.

A lightning never strikes

the same place twice.

But as I previously hinted,

destiny doesn't care about Gauss

and his certainties.

The first lightning killed him,

that's right.

But, surprise!

The second lightning

revived him.

Naturally, after a miracle of this magnitude

you don't remain the same person.

The man knows

that he's different now

and as time passes

he confirms that.

He doesn't grow old and he has

powers worthy of a small god,

or, if you prefer,

worthy of a small demon.

The fact is that our guy

is now immortal.

He can travel through time

and make a lot of small miracles

which don't add a single thing

to the universe.

Nothing good, at least,

immortality makes him oblivious

to transcendent matters.

With his powers he could

have been a king, or an emperor.

Yet he'll prefer

to stay anonymous.

This way he can move freely

and do anything he wants.

To have fun!

I'm Alberto Laiseca.

This movie is based

on a story I wrote,

Darling, I'm going out for cigarettes

and I'll be right back.

The story which we'll show is

supposed to be a work of fiction.

But it isn't.

There was never a difference

between fiction and reality.

Because this is a magical world

and one can't imagine

something that doesn't exist.

When the USSR collapsed,

as a friend of mine would say,

there was much rejoicing.

Evil has died!

But people don't know that

evil never dies. It changes places.

Present day, 2011.

Do you know this beautiful place?

Olavarra.

Buenos Aires, Argentina.

The world's ass.

Do you know why flies are such

a pain in the ass in Olavarra?

It's because they

get bored too.

This is Ernesto.

A genius prankster.

Lazy turtle!

"If I were granted

with opportunities... "

You'll get more than your fair

amount of chances, douchebag.

Well, we know this one already.

He doesn't need an introduction.

I love Argentina.

Mate, a**holes,

and sirloin steak.

DARLING, I'M GOING OUT FOR CIGARETTES

AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK

Thirty plus a hundred twenty,

three hundred fifty,

minus seventy that I owe you,

two hundred eighty, but divided by two...

Or better. A garlic and radish salad.

Then we both eat, we're cooked.

Yesterday we finished at 2am,

I want to leave.

What I wouldn't give for...

Ravioli with sauce,

or a Neapolitan Milanese.

Otherwise, something grilled.

A roast with fries.

I'll do the highlights

and then cut out the edges,

if I cut it more, it'll look horrible

with that terrible big nose she has.

Rosa despises me,

and she's right.

43 years of marriage, and never

enough money to paint the house,

go on vacations,

buy an air conditioner.

A whole life working in that

shitty real estate agency.

The only time I saved some money

I invested it in this country.

And how that turned out?

Like crap.

- What?

- Nothing.

This man's thoughts

are a call for a massacre.

I'm going to the bathroom.

May I?

Problems?

What problems?

I came to offer you a deal, but

if you are not interested, it's fine.

I'll be gone.

Excuse me, who are you?

I offer you a million dollars,

if you accept to live 10 years

of your past again

with your present head.

I mean, a younger body

with your present mind,

your current knowledge.

Don't worry, she's fine.

She'll be a zombie for a few minutes

but as soon as this chat is over,

I'll free her.

She'll come out of the restroom

and sit down,

as if nothing ever happened.

You are.

Should I explain it better?

If you accept the challenge,

I'll transport you to a moment

in your past which you'll choose.

No...

You don't need to give me a date.

Just think about it, and I'll know.

You can go back to

any moment in your life.

To your childhood,

your adolescent years.

You'll be young again, but with

the experiences of a 63 year old.

You'll live again.

Day by day, hour after hour.

Every single minute.

Further more.

Here, in the real world,

only 5 minutes will pass.

Now, when your wife returns

tell her,

"Darling, I'm going out for cigarettes

and I'll be right back"

And, that's how it'll be for her.

Just five minutes.

The time it'll take you

to go to the kiosk by the corner,

buy some cigarettes

and come back.

But for you,

When the challenge is over,

you'll be back here at the restaurant

with the cigarettes.

And with a million dollars.

So, that means,

- I'll be selling my soul to.

- Don't be stupid.

Why would I want to have your soul?

What can I do with your soul?

Thousands of years ago,

when I was young and inexperienced,

I had some spiritual weaknesses,

but now.

Souls such as yours

bore me to death.

One more thing,

extremely important.

If you try to be a smart ass

and, let's say,

you get in dangerous adventures

and you get killed,

do you know what will happen

here, in the real world?

At some point in the middle

of the way

from here to the store

or from the store to here,

you'll drop dead

due to a heart attack.

So, do you accept?

- Do I have time to think about it?

- No.

It's now or never.

Opportunities don't wait.

If this is true,

someone will cough.

If this is true,

someone will cough twice.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Darling,

I'm going out for cigarettes

and I'll be right back.

October 1st, 2000.

October 1st, 2000.

October 1st, 2000.

October 1st, 2000.

October 1st, 2000.

October 1st, 2000.

October 1st...

Hey!

This way.

Look, grandma.

Your son is here.

I told you that one day

he'd come to visit you.

I told you.

Bye, grandma.

Bye, handsome.

Mom?

Mom, can you hear me?

I came to see you.

I don't want you

to be angry at me.

All those years I didn't

come to see you

because those places

make me feel like crap.

It would have been ideal

if you could stay at home with us,

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