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Nude women!

Nude women!

Clowns welcome!

Clowns welcome!

Nude women! Clowns welcome!

- Hey! I got three more minutes.

- Come back tomorrow.

- I said we're closed, Bozo.

- I wouldn't.

And that's "Mr. Bozo," okay?

Say, that's right. It ain't quite

closing time yet.

Hugh...

...let's not mess with me today, okay?

I'm robbing the bank.

What the hell kind of clown are you?

- The crying-on-the-inside kind, I guess.

- Look, I'm just an old man.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Let's go.

This is a robbery.

Do you believe this?

- This is a robbery.

- It is!

Thank you.

All right, quiet, put your hands on top

of your head. Stand up.

We're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die!

Button it up, pal.

Nobody likes a whiner.

Don't anybody move.

What did I just say?

All right. That's better.

- Fill this up with regular, please.

- That's my money.

- Don't worry. It's insured.

- She didn't give me no receipt yet.

They can't insure it

if I don't got no receipt.

Would you please give him a receipt.

And you...

...watch the double negatives, huh?

- Yes, sir.

Okay, anybody else need a receipt?

Last chance.

Okay, we're all going into the vault now.

Keep your hands on your heads.

- Let's go.

- Do as he says, everyone.

- This will all be over with presently.

- Don't dilly-dally. That's it.

Hey! Move it! Move it!

Move it back!

- Do you have the key to this?

- You bet.

I'll need another one of these

filled up from in there. Thanks.

And I'm gonna need you

to make a phone call for me...

...presently.

Now, the police are gonna want me

to let some of you go...

...as a sign of good faith.

The best way to get out

is to stay calm.

If they want proof that I'm serious...

...I'll carve up the troublemakers first.

Jesus, God!

- Shut up.

- Oh, Jesus! God!

God!

- May I use your phone?

- Yes.

Give up now. That is the only door.

There is no other way out, my friend.

Tell them anybody gets near this place,

I'm gonna blow it up.

If I don't hear from the guy

in charge in 15 minutes...

...I'll send your thumb out

through the night depository.

And, thanks...

...for calling me friend.

This is Princeton. You have

less than 15 minutes to call in.

Do not come near the bank.

He is covered in dynamite.

Hot dogs! Hot dogs!

Give me sound down.

Chief, apparently we've got 12 people

in there. One guy, heavily armed.

Bank security got this picture.

This is our perpetrator.

- The hostage negotiator's on his way, sir.

- Tell him he won't be needed.

- Till when, sir?

- Till I'm no longer chief.

To my beloved wife Carol,

I leave the house in Westchester...

...and the apartment on 78th Street.

The stock portfolio will be divided equally

among our children.

David, you can have the Giants tickets.

Don't do this.

It'll be okay.

He said...

...he'd carve up the troublemakers first.

Why don't you shut the hell up!

Crybaby.

Damn!

Give me a break.

Coming.

- Mom?

- This is Rotzinger.

Who are you? Where's Mom?

Chief of police.

Get your butt out of there now.

You know, I was in 'Nam

with a jerk like you.

Oh, boy.

What's your name, son?

What shall I call you?

Well...

...I always liked the name Chip.

Would you call me Chip?

Okay.

What was that shooting just now, Chip?

Oh, wait! Call me Skip.

Okay, Skip. What was that shooting?

Well, the cameras.

I shot the cameras.

They were looking at me.

Quit looking at me!

My God. He's barking.

Skip, we can be inside, on top of you,

in a heartbeat.

Try to run, you won't get 5 feet.

Yeah. Well, you tell your men

just one bullet could hit some dynamite...

...and blow up the whole street.

I've planted it everywhere, you know.

Don't you think I know

how you plan to get out?

Switch on a recorder,

I'm talking to a machine...

...while you crawl out

through the third-floor vent.

Not a bad plan, except I couldn't fit

with all this money.

Besides, I've booby-trapped the vents

with heavy explosives.

Come on down! Get out of there!

God, I hate this town.

Let's see if we can make

a deal here, Chip. Skip.

- I'd like to get those people out of there.

- Fine.

I want a city bus with a full tank of gas.

I want a Harley-Davidson XL 1 ooo.

I want a monster truck.

- A what?

- And I want two Jet Ranger helicopters...

...here on the street.

I'll get you the choppers,

I'll get you the bus, the Harley...

...and the monster truck just as soon

as you give me the damn hostages.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure

no harm will come to me...

...once I'm inside the bank

all by myself.

- At least give me the women.

- Get your own women.

One hostage per demand.

One?! Listen, I've had just about enough

of your comedy, clown.

- We're coming in through the plate glass.

- All right.

I gotta hang up now because I gotta go

kill everybody, okay?

Don't bust my chops, wise guy.

It's not that easy.

It takes time to find two pilots who

are willing to fly out an armed felon.

I don't need a pilot.

Now, you got 3o minutes to meet my first

demand. What's your number out there?

or you're dead along with everyone else.

All right. Do what he says:

The chopper, the bus, everything.

Set them up out here

as soon as they arrive.

- Is it a diversion, chief, or is he crazy?

- He's not crazy.

He'll come out of that bank with

a few hostages also dressed as clowns.

He'll make a run for a chopper

assuming we're afraid to shoot a hostage.

Are we?

He said no pilots. That means he's flying it.

Probably learned how in 'Nam.

Now, they'll get a bead on whichever clown

takes the controls...

...and take him out

before he leaves the ground.

Here he comes.

- He's gonna let one of us go.

- Oldest first.

That makes sense: Save the one

who will die first of natural causes.

You prick.

- I'm gonna vomit.

- We better get him out of here first.

- No way!

- The hell with him.

- It's been decided. I'm the first to go.

- What?!

- Who decided it?

- I did.

It really isn't your decision,

Mr. Adolf Hitler.

- Have you got my money ready back there?

- It's here.

You're the kind of person that gets

innocent bystanders killed.

They're meeting my first demand.

All right, to show this fascist dictator here

how our system works...

...I'll let you folks decide

who will be the first to go.

- Him!

- Him!

- Him?

- Yes!

Let's... Come on. Come on. Let's go.

Get downwind of me.

Sir, is human life at stake?

The stink of death was in the air.

He said he knew how to make men

sit up and bark.

Oh, don't exaggerate or anything.

And so we have our first report

from inside the bank.

Our first description of this clown

at whom no one is laughing.

Now, that's original.

Steve, Jody, I'll be here

until the last hostage is released.

Can it. Here comes Clarabell.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- What's this?

- It's just a gift.

Okay, it's an Audemars Piguet.

Moon phase, 18-karat gold, alligator band.

Thing cost me 12,ooo,

but it's appreciating every day.

As I say, it's my gift to you.

- Boy, it is nice.

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