Quick Change Page #2

- Isn't it?

- I can't keep this.

- Don't be silly.

No, I would be beholden.

May I buy it?

- I mean, would you take three bills for it?

- Three hundred dollars?

Unless someone makes a higher offer.

Anyone want to go higher than 3oo on this?

It's got a moon on it.

Great. And here's my watch.

It's a Timex...

...and the band is the Twist-o-Flex

by Speidel.

I appreciate this damn thing

more and more every day.

You pig.

Excuse me? Pig?

I doubt it. Think the lady

protests too much, or what?

I think you're just afraid to party

with a real man.

A real man, who has to use a gun...

...who has to dress up like that

and keep people prisoner?

You're not a man.

You're a coward.

Oh, no. No!

She... She does not speak

for the rest of us, Mr. Clown.

We think you're quite brave.

And manly.

You big p*ssy!

I don't believe you.

- You're a bunch of pussies.

- Why don't you take her out next.

You don't need this kind of aggravation.

Hey, chief. On the bus, we've got an

ex-Green Beret under the back seat.

In the motorcycle, we got enough gas

to carry it half a mile.

We stationed shooters

a half-mile in every direction.

- Any word on the monster truck?

- About half an hour.

Did you get any description

of the perpetrator?

Average height, average build,

red nose and blue hair.

Thanks.

- Thank you for using A T& T.

- Your bike's out here. So's your bus.

- You owe me two more hostages.

- They're coming.

Tell me when my monster truck gets here.

- You ready, doll?

- All set.

Relax. I'm right behind you.

Come on, already.

Son of a b*tch! Bastard!

- Are you people all right?

- Let's keep moving.

He's peeking at us through the curtains.

The man is an animal.

Ripping out phones, urinating on desks.

You see what he did

to Miss Cochran's shirt?

There's a scratch here.

It's not deep, but it's there.

It's okay.

Did he hurt anybody else?

Is the strain beginning to show on him?

"If I could sleep 1 o days in a rice paddy,

I could certainly last in this lousy bank."

This is what the animal said to us.

He says to Miss Cochran here:

"Baby, up your butt with a coconut."

I think he was prepared to do it,

except I saw no coconut.

He had no coconut to my knowledge.

No coconut, huh?

What about dynamite?

Did you see any?

Any? It's everywhere.

It's on him. It's on us.

Hostages strapped to tables as shields.

The man is an animal.

He's sick.

You okay, mister?

Officer Martin, take these two

to the doctor, just as a precaution.

Yes, sir.

- The key is, he's an animal.

- That much is clear, sir.

Oh, so I'm repeating myself. I suppose you

want to throw me back in there with him.

It's 4:
48.

If he hasn't called back by 5,

we storm the bank.

Damn.

This is Rotzinger.

Can you give me a little more time?

I promise I won't hurt anybody.

I'll call you right back. I promise.

Now, where were we?

Oh, Phyllis! Oh, Phyllis!

Grimm.

Guys.

Phyllis, you were so great back there.

I felt like you were protecting me for real.

I couldn't tell if you were pretending.

You were good.

This is true. Let's see Miss Meryl Streep

try to vomit on cue, huh?

Fantastic.

Loomis, could we have

two seconds alone?

- Sure, Grimm.

- Thanks.

I can't believe we did it.

Do you remember the night

you proposed?

- Proposed?

- Yeah.

Oh, you mean the night the pipes froze

and the heat went out?

And as we lay there freezing...

...waiting to be discovered dead,

you gave me that look.

That look a woman

gives her man that says:

"I blame you for everything."

Yeah, that look.

I said, "Phyllis, before we lose our

self-respect, let's make a commitment.

Let's not be the Bickersons,

like every other couple on the IRT.

I know a way.

Phyllis, will you rob a bank with me?"

I will, Grimm. I will.

Grimm...

...I have to tell you something.

I found something out yesterday.

What? What is it?

I just feel funny.

I feel... You know, I feel complete.

Grimm, you already were complete.

If you were any more complete,

it would be a little scary.

Bad neighborhood to get

in touch with our feelings.

Especially with a fortune

in our falsies.

All right, I gotta make a quick call

to the chief.

- This is Rotzinger.

- Yes. Have you got Prince Albert in a can?

Feeling better, I see.

Your Macho Maniac is here.

You owe me another hostage.

I'll check it out. I'm going to

the window. Tell your men to get back.

Did you have something to tell me?

I want to wait.

I can see it doesn't have

a hydraulic tilt body. It's unacceptable.

What?! You son of a b*tch.

You never said a goddamn word

about a "tilting hydraulic body."

We had to send all the way to Jersey

for this thing.

Don't insult me.

Now, you get me

a respectable monster truck...

...and don't get back to me

until you do, okay?

- What was that?

- What was what?

Don't try to change the subject.

- No tilt body, no hostages.

- I want hostages.

It's gonna take time

to find a tilting hydraulic body.

Well, that's not my problem.

It was an accident.

They would have waited forever

to go into that bank.

Just throw me out of the car

and run me over.

I could have called them

from anywhere tonight...

...just to tell them I was still in the bank.

Let's get to the airport.

We'll pretend this didn't happen.

Now, you get me

a respectable monster truck...

... and don't get back to me

until you do, okay?

There it is, a beep.

- Can you isolate that beep?

- I can try.

It could be a horn. Clowns carry horns,

little rubber ones.

- Sometimes their noses are horns.

- I wanna know what beeped, fast.

I'll tell you what I think it was.

And it wasn't his f***ing nose.

It was a car horn.

How much time did we lose, exactly?

They won't storm in

until they're sure I'm not there.

Then there's chaos while they round up

hostages and take statements and names.

Finally, they'll realize some are missing.

- By then...

- our plane is taking off?

And they still won't know who we are.

For God's sake, shut that up!

Turn that trash off!

God, I hate this town.

Grimm, guess what.

Wait a second.

I never scouted this neighborhood.

Did we miss the Expressway?

I didn't see it.

They were working on the signs back there.

Go! Go! Go!

We wanna get on

the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

- What?

- The BQE.

Wow, you know,

jeez, we don't know where that is.

- Shut up!

- Hey, you shut up!

- Shut up!

- Shut up! Shut up!

Let's just walk through this, okay?

Does that sign say BQE?

Yeah.

Okay, so which way was the arrow pointing?

That was an hour ago. That witch

ain't stopped screaming the whole time.

She even had her baby screaming at us.

Let me try this:

Will you be putting up a new sign?

- Not today.

- Today's just taking sh*t down.

Can you tell us anything?

The names of a street, any street?

- The directions: North, south?

- It's not our neighborhood.

Honey, babe.

- You've got a gun. Shoot them.

- I want to, but they're fur-bearing.

I'd need some kind of permit, wouldn't I?

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