Quinceanera Page #4

Okay.

How long you guys been together?

About five years now,

with six months off for good behavior.

You guys split up?

Yeah, about two years ago.

Then got back together again.

You guys cool?

I don't know.

It's like we're so different.

I'm spontaneous...

...and he likes to plan things

two months in advance, you know?

He's so dependent. Must be

the age difference or something.

He's older than you?

Yeah, like six years older than me.

You ass.

I gotta go.

I shouldn't be talking about

age difference with you.

I'm like nine years older

or something?

Ten.

I don't really think about it, though.

Neither do I.

All right.

Hold on, hold on.

Hello?

- It went out.

- It's a dud.

- Hey, come back! It's lit.

- Come back, come back.

Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo.

Yo, I'll be right back.

Let me show you something.

Who do you think they are?

I don't know.

- That's your mother and Aunt Silvia.

- No way.

It was taken out here in the yard,

when I just moved in.

There was nothing here

but burnt grass.

That's crazy.

- Who's that?

- That was my mother.

Your great-great-grandmother.

She's beautiful.

Dolores Angulo.

She had 22 children.

- He was the 13th.

- Yup. My lucky number.

Let me show you

some of my brothers.

That's Chuy, and Alberto,

and Paco and...

I forgot his name.

Oh, God, what's his name?

Jorge!

Sorry about that, Jorge.

- And that's you?

- Yes.

Why is your leg in a cast?

He was in a cast for two years.

He laid down behind a truck

and tried to off himself.

- Carlos.

- It's true.

- It's true.

- Really?

Yeah.

When I was 9 years old, I decided

I didn't want any more of this life.

I wanted to come back

as someone else.

So I hide behind

the back wheels of a truck...

...and waited for it to start.

- It ran you over?

- It did.

I wasn't supposed to live.

I spent months and months

in the hospital.

And it was a long time before

I could see or eat or walk.

In a way, I got what I wanted.

I came back as a different person

after all that.

Don't you ever try it, though.

- Got a date?

- Yeah, right.

- Who with?

- None of your business, hood rat.

What do you do

with those guys anyway?

You embarrassed or something?

- No.

- So?

What do you think we do?

I don't know.

I'm a virgin, remember?

Yeah, right.

Come on, Carlos. I told you stuff.

We mess around, all right?

Are you the peanut butter

in the sandwich?

F*** you.

- Do you like both of them the same?

- No.

- The young one's better looking.

- Yeah. Gary.

- What do you mean?

- Nothing.

Have you done

that kind of thing a lot?

First time.

- First time with two?

- No, first time ever.

Yeah? I thought Uncle Walter

caught you with some boy?

What? Is that what Eileen told you?

He tracked this site

I used to go to on the Internet.

- What?

- Yeah. F***ed up, huh?

- You're getting big.

- You mean fat.

Come on. Don't be like that.

- You don't like it, do you?

- Of course I do.

- What are you up to this weekend?

- Not much. You?

It's kind of crazy.

Saturday, I got my AP History exam.

Saturday night's my mom's birthday.

I'm taking her out to dinner.

Have you told her yet?

No. I keep waiting for the right time.

I want to tell her after her birthday.

Well, I gotta get going.

Hey.

We're having a barbecue

over at my house on Sunday.

Just some friends, relatives and stuff.

You wanna come?

Yeah. If you want me to.

Yeah. It'll be great.

Call me then.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What's up?

- Not much. What's up with you?

- Food looks good.

- Yeah.

- Thanks. You want some?

- No, not yet. I'm all right, thanks.

- We forgot the hamburger buns.

- I thought we had some.

Just two packs. And people

are gonna start arriving soon.

- I'll go get some.

- Okay then.

Mom, this is Magdalena.

Hi, it's nice to finally meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you for coming.

Excuse me.

- Does she know?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Well, sort of.

What's that supposed to mean?

She knows about you,

that you're pregnant.

- And?

- What?

- That it's yours.

- Well, that's stage two.

Herman.

You don't understand.

You don't know her like I do.

She has all these dreams

and expectations of me.

- I think I'm gonna go home.

- No, wait.

Go to the store with me.

- The house looks really great.

- We have a lot of work to do.

- Well...

- You did a great job.

This soup's amazing.

Did you make this?

- What is it?

- Cauliflower and caraway seeds.

- It's unbelievable.

- I have the recipe if you want it.

There was this really cute Latin boy

at my gym today.

I mean, oh, my God.

Totally little cholo.

Shaved head, tattoos,

his butt was like:

Oh, my God,

you should meet Carlos.

Gary. Gary, tell Stephen

about Carlos.

Carlos? He's really hot.

Yeah, and he's 8 inches uncut.

- Please bring him over next time.

- No, he's all ours.

Finders keepers.

- Will you grab the trivet? This is hot.

- All right.

Would you like me

to make the dressing?

No, I'll do it.

The trash is overflowing.

Gary.

You scared me. What's up?

Nothing.

For me? Thanks.

"Lil Rob." Cool, man.

Yeah, I was peeping your CDs, man.

Your sh*t blows.

You know, I should get back.

- His rhymes are sick.

- I know. I love Lil Rob.

It says Elton John.

Sh*t. I'll take it back.

Carlos, wait.

The cellular number you are trying

to reach is no longer in service.

The cellular number

you are trying to reach...

- Yes?

- Hello. Is Herman home?

- No, he's not here.

- Where did he go?

- He's out of town with relatives.

- I need to talk to him.

Listen. Herman

is a straight-A student.

He's going to finish school

and go to college to study medicine.

He doesn't have time for this.

Sorry about the state you're in...

...but he gave me his word

he didn't do anything with you.

Take the problem to the person

who is responsible.

- Herman is responsible.

- I have my son's word. I believe him.

- He's lying to you.

- Please leave my son alone. Please.

Hey, it's James.

No, Gary forgot his phone.

Oh, it sounds fun. I'd love to,

but I have a meeting.

I'll tell Gary you called.

Okay. Bye.

Goddamn him.

- All done.

- Yeah. Thanks, To.

- Are you going to see your friend?

- Yeah.

I'm glad you have a special friend.

I get up at 7:
00 in the morning

to drive an hour to work...

...to pay the mortgage

on this $3200 f***ing house.

Meanwhile, you've had 12 hours

to f*** the neighbor.

I'm tired of hearing you talk

about the f***ing mortgage.

We had rules about this sh*t.

This is not the same as before.

It is! Our rules were

if we have 3-ways, we're both there.

Otherwise, if I'm at work in my office,

that's cheating.

Let's not do this.

Do what? You're the one who's,

like, cheating all the f***ing time.

I'm not cheating all the time. Why

do you keep accusing me of that?

- What, are you love with him?

- No, I'm not in love with him.

All right? He's just some kid.

I'm in love with you.

Didn't you notice

how big she was getting...

...when she wouldn't

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