Quiz Show Page #8

l don't know if l'm a gambler.

l know which end of an ace is up.

Well, Dick, if you look round the table

and you can't tell who the sucker is,

it's you.

Yeah, Dan Enright,

please.

Uh, Dick Goodwin.

Uh, no. Actually,

l'll just call back. Thanks.

''Name the three heavyweight

champions who preceded Joe Louis.''

Oh, l know that.

Uh, Jim Braddock.

- Mm-hmm.

- Max Baer.

And--

- Damn.

- Primo Carnera.

- Primo Carnera. Of course.

- Yeah, good old Primo.

- l was there that night at the Garden,

the night Baer beat him. Yeah.

- Really ?

The big guinea.

Twelve times Baer knocked him down.

Al, l've been thinking. Maybe you

shouldn't give me the answers anymore.

Now what do you wanna

do that for, Professor ?

Charlie, you're doin'

the right thing, really.

- Everybody's makin' money.

- Well, what if you just

gave me the questions...

and l could look up

the answers on my own ?

l mean, don't you think that'd be--

Well, be less egregious.

[ Bob Barker ] Only in the balcony.

You know

about that.

All right.

Now, your consequence--

Doesn't want the answers anymore.

Just wants the questions.

- Who ?

- ''Who.'' The Great White Hope.

[ Sighs ]

Dan, what the hell

is ''egregious'' ?

He just wants

the questions ?

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Mr. Noland ?

- Yeah ?

- My name is Richard Goodwin.

- l'm with the Congressional

Subcommittee on Legislative Over--

- Ahh.

[ Man ] No, no, l don't wanna say

anything. No, can't help you.

[ Woman ] l told them

everything l had to say.

Everything l knew

l told them.

[ Buzzer ]

- Yeah ?

- Mr. Stempel. My name is Dick Goodwin.

l'm an investigator with the

Subcommittee on Legislative

Oversight of the U.S. Congress.

- Yeah ?

- Did you recently testify

before a grand jury ?

- Yeah.

- Well, if you have a minute, l'd

really like to talk to you about it.

- [ Drums Banging ]

- Gee.

Fi-- Finally. l-l knew

it was just a matter of time.

Come in.

- [ Drums Continue ]

- Didn't you go to City College ?

- Uh, Harvard.

- Toby !

- [ Gasps ]

- This is my wife, Toby.

This is Mr. Goodwin.

He's an investigator from

the United States Congress.

Would you like a cup of coffee, Mr.--

l-l already got the pot on.

l tell ya, that

sounds great, actually.

And bring some rugulach

if there are any left.

- l love my wife, but it's like

livin' with a plague of locusts.

- [ Drums Continue ]

lf Charles Van Doren told 'em

what l told 'em,

do you think this whole grand jury

thing would be squashed ?

- Quashed. lt's not ''squashed.''

- Not in a million years.

- Quashed, okay ?

- What exactly did you

tell the grand jury ?

- Have one.

- Uh, no, thanks.

Lester, will you

knock it off for ten minutes ?

Come on. They're a Jewish delicacy.

Before Toby eats it.

- l'm retainin' water

for your information.

- You and the Grand Coulee Dam.

Come on. You don't know

what you're missing.

l'm quite familiar with

rugulach, thank you.

-How'd a guy like you get into Harvard ?

-Capped teeth.

- Lester !

- [ Drums Continue ]

Herb, what exactly did you

tell the grand jury ?

No, you can't ask me that.

lt's-- lt's sealed. lt's illegal.

Well, uh, just between us.

They made me take a dive.

Marty.

They made me lose on Marty

just to humiliate me.

- Who made you take a dive ?

- Dan Enright.

He told me l had plateaued,

that the ratings had plateaued.

A sinking ship

and the rats stayed.

Do you think in a million years

l wouldn't know Marty, and

meanwhile, Charles Van Moron...

would be on the show

l don't understand. H-How could they

make you take a dive ?

- What ?

- Why didn't you just answer Marty

if you knew it ?

- What, and throw away

his future in television ?

- Would you please go inside...

and tell Gene Krupa

to take five ?

Lester.

Lester !

You're so naive. lt's a fix.

lt's all-- lt's all a fix.

A setup. l made a study of it. They

always follow a Jew with a Gentile.

And the Gentile wins more money.

What is that, a coincidence ?

Herb, you're saying this whole grand

jury thing was because of you.

You know what you have to do ?

You have to nail Van Doren.

- Are you gonna nail Van Doren ?

- Look, first of all, l'm not

here to nail anyone, okay ?

- This isn't McCarthyism.

- Listen, think about what

McCarthyism did for McCarthy.

Let me ask you something.

Do you have any corroborative

evidence to what you're saying ?

Listen to me. Don't make

necessarily the mistakes

that l might have made in life.

Think about your career. You nail

Van Doren, it'll be bigger than Sputnik.

lt'll be like a big, blond

Sputnik crashing right down

on his, whew, friggin' head.

Charlie ? Hi.

Dick Goodwin.

l hope you don't mind.

The English Department gave me

your number up in Connecticut.

Yeah. Look, um, l met with

Herbert Stempel yesterday.

He told me a couple of things.

l'm kinda curious--

What ?

Sure. Well,

what train was that ?

Yeah, just hold on.

l got a pen right here.

Grand Central Station.

Housatonic.

Cornwall, Connecticut.

l will, uh-- l will, uh--

l'll get right on the way.

- Dick, l'm glad you could make it.

- Charlie.

That's some

snappy-looking Mercedes.

- Come around the back.

We're just about to eat.

- What's that, the 300 ?

Yeah, it's my father's birthday,

so l bought myself a car.

- lt's only got 110 miles on it.

- The show's treatin' you well, huh ?

[ Mrs. Wilson ] Dorothy, your

tomato salad is fabulous.

- What's your secret ?

- Manure.

Now, look at Thomas. Thomas

is aerodynamically designed

to go directly to heaven.

- And who are you ?

- Dick. Goodwin.

- l'm a friend of Charlie's.

- Ah.

- You sound like you're from Boston.

- Brookline, actually.

[ Both Laughing ]

The wrong girl for me.

- You know l didn't.

- You did. We have horseradish

growing in the garden.

Well, that's good.

[ Laughs ]

- How long have you been married ?

- Twenty years.

- Aunt lrita had an affair

with Wendall Willkie.

- Hmm ?

''Now see summer bloom upon this lea.

Three score rings around this tree.

Once green;

now bare.

Once lush;

now sere.

Consoled only that l am...

- planted here.

- You certainly are.

- Roots thick...

- And old.

- and deep,

- And doddering.

- assuage my woes--''

- A termite nibbles at my toes.

- Et tu, Bunny ?

- Charlie, is Jack Berry single ?

- l think so.

- My roommate has a crush on him.

She wants you to introduce her.

- What's Dave Garroway like ?

- Cheap.

- Cheap ?

- Wasn't l talking ?

- You were, yes. Talking

and talking and talking.

Charlie's famous,

like Elvis Presley.

Like Leopold of Belgium,

usurped by his son before his time.

l suppose that makes me

King Baudouin ?

Next birthday, you all get

a dirty limerick.

- l certainly hope so.

- [ Laughing ]

[ Woman ] So how's it feel, Charlie ?

[ Charlie ] Well, l can't even

eat dinner in a restaurant anymore.

People follow me inside to discover

what kind of ''brain food'' l eat.

ln my day, it was flagpole-sitting

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