Rabbit Without Ears

I used to only make

that art house crap.

And Berlin's pseudo-intellectual, pop

culture idiots would watch that sh*t.

Deep down inside, I was very unhappy.

Then at this retrospective,

they showed

"Life Is All You Get"

for the millionth time.

I was sitting in the theater

and suddenly all I could do was cry.

RABBIT WITHOUT EARS

You had a breakdown. Tell us about it.

I realized

I was letting life pass me by.

And then I said to myself, Jrgen,

"To hell with that cool dude and his

tooth gap. You can be more than that!"

Jrgen, you spent the last 8 months

in California.

A wonderful country, great people.

The glass is always half full.

I took a few classes

with a motivation trainer there.

He showed me

you can make your dreams come true!

Your appearance

has changed a bit, too.

Yes. Even if it's hard to believe,

I used to have an inferiority complex

about my teeth and my looks.

I covered it up by telling jokes.

They say you went under the knife

of a famous plastic surgeon,

any comment?

I had my teeth

and my cheek bones done.

Hair implants and some silicone work.

Silicone?

Where?

Butt implants! All the stars do it.

Check it out.

Here, check it out! Here!

They all have them. J-Lo, everybody.

Jrgen, is this all because

you'll be turning 40 soon?

I don't have a problem with

getting older. I never looked better.

- I understand now what life's about.

- And that is?

It may sound superficial,

but it's true.

For years I preached to my kids

about inner values, but it's rubbish!

- Appearances count. Values catch up.

- Last question.

Jrgen, last question.

You had surgery.

It's amazing. You look great!

What would you say if your kids

suddenly wanted plastic surgery, too?

I mean, you're a role model.

They might try to emulate you.

If it makes them feel better, why not?

It's walls in our heads.

That's what I'm talking about.

Free yourself from them

and you can do anything.

Don't let life pass you by.

Take control yourself.

You're your own captain

on your own big ship of life.

Yeah.

Alright, guys. I gotta go!

He used to be so cool.

Now he's pumped up with silicone.

America really can corrupt you.

But everyone here

has silicone b*obs, too.

It's fine for b*obs,

but not Jrgen's ass!

- There's good and bad plastic surgery?

- Sure!

Look out!

Look out!

Children, ear flaps on!

It's a crosswalk, you giant a**hole!

I'd be a blind bat

with those on my nose too!

Four-eyes!

Where were we?

Oh yeah.

Boob reductions

are pointless operations.

Boob augmentations, liposuction,

getting rid of cellulite,

absolutely necessary.

What about penis extensions?

You have the ability to ruin

every serious discussion we have.

Pull over. The minister's lover.

Right by a baby shop!

- Shopping with our taxes, Mandy?

- I'm just taking a walk.

So that's not actually a pram there?

Just an oversized purse on wheels?

It's not mine.

I saw it sitting there.

When the baby's here, what then?

Will you tell us it's your new,

diaper-wearing, bald boyfriend?

Ludo, I've told you before,

I'm not pregnant!

Oh, so I must be mistaken then.

Maybe you've just gotten fat!

- Fat?

- Sure, I'll just write 'fat.'

Ludo, you know what?

You're a real bastard!

MINISTER'S LOVER PREGNAN

There you are.

You brought our sweet little Lollo.

He behaves so well in restaurants!

I told you, Lollo.

Your uncle was

looking forward to seeing you.

- Since he forgot your birthday.

- Oh, sh*t!

Sh*t! Sh*t!

Sh*t! Sh*t!

Sweet kid.

Weren't you in India at the orphanage?

I was, and I brought back

sweet little Shiva here.

Is she your latest?

If his mouth is open, he's lying.

And he's useless in bed, too.

- Wasn't my impression.

- All faked.

I'm sorry you slept with my brother.

- But I want to order.

- Let's get it over with.

Ludo?

How would you like

a nice big dish of meat?

Lots of different kinds?

Just one gets so boring.

Just water.

But not a hysterical,

reproachful water

that's never heard

of one-night stands.

A calm, non-stressful one.

I'll have the meat platter.

Sounded good.

Still no news. If he hasn't called

by tonight, I'll forget it.

What about

that graphic artist you always call?

No way. It's over. For good.

He's such a pervert!

- What? Why?

- Doesn't matter.

- No, tell me.

- No, it's yucky.

- Fine, then don't.

- Alright, if you insist.

He said he wanted me

to pee the next time we meet.

What? In front of him?

- I couldn't do that.

- Anna, on him!

You've got a knack

for finding weirdoes.

I know.

But I have stories to tell,

unlike you.

But I wouldn't constantly order

anchovy pizza,

I know it tastes bad.

- Pizzas don't give you orgasms.

- Guys do?

- True.

- When you eat it, the pizza's gone.

Pizza won't say it's too young

for responsibility at 38.

- You don't have to say it was good.

- It doesn't look at you saying,

"Come! Come! Come!"

Quiet up there!

Enjoy.

Jeez, Ludo.

You can't go on like this forever.

Why?

My job is fun. I've got great friends.

I date pretty women.

And what about love,

affection and security?

The warmth of a family?

Seeing your sleeping child

and feeling your heart burst with joy.

You're missing

the best things in life.

Lollo, come here now!

Moritz? Okay, I'm coming.

Gotta run.

Klitschko is proposing

to Yvonne Catterfeld.

- That soccer player?

- Precisely.

It never happened before

and never will.

Then get yourself a new guard.

It's all cordoned off.

We can forget it.

Go cry with the other girls.

I'm getting my shot!

You're so cruel.

Being realistic

doesn't make me a pansy.

Andreas.

- You okay?

- Ludo!

- We need seats in the restaurant.

- Not today.

What are you smiling at?

Lucky I don't smack you one.

What're we going to do?

Has your boss seen the photos

of your party

in the President Suite?

What party?

Remember? The cute mustached guys.

In police uniforms. Were they real?

How about free passes

to our wellness area?

The sundeck has

a fantastic view of the city lights.

Do we look like frustrated wives?

And of the gorgeous, see-through

glass dome over our restaurant.

What will it be? A massage?

A Cleopatra bath? A facial?

We have 10 minutes. What's quick?

- Wellness means relaxation and not...

- Fine. I'll take the massage.

Excellent. Danielle?

Yes.

- Hello.

- Hello.

May I take you to my room?

You may undress there.

Glad to.

Would you give me

the Cleopatra bath?

Of course I will.

Me and a few slutty maids

looking for an extra buck.

It's our special service for perverts

who think this is a cheap brothel.

Okay, sorry. It doesn't hurt to ask.

- So what's the quickest?

- Thorsten!

One full body depilation!

Depilation? Doesn't that hurt?

- It depends.

- On what?

If you have hair or not.

What's that weird squeaking?

It's the sound

of dolphins in the ocean.

It's very relaxing.

Sure having fun, those dolphins.

Dolphins are very social.

- Almost human.

- Ludo, I'm coming!

I think one of them is called Ludo.

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