Rachel Getting Married Page #3

And we were at your house playing music

and discussing music.

Watching everyone grow up. Rachel. Kym.

And now Rachel's getting married.

Rachel getting married.

Yeah.

But we also need to

honor my little friend Ethan

who's gone on to another plane now,

you know.

But his spirit is here

and he lives in our heart

and pays no rent every day.

And he's watching over us.

Charlie Parker said,

"The music speaks louder than words. "

So I'm going to play a piece for you

that I've written for this occasion.

It's called Rachel loves Sidney.

That's the A-side.

The B-side is Sidney loves Rachel.

Excuse me for a second.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I don't know anyone at what is

obviously the loser end of the table.

Can I get to the masala?

You've known most of those people

since the eighth grade.

- I don't think so.

- You always pretend you don't know people.

- Watch my dress.

- Is it 'cause you owe them money?

I'm sorry, family members only

in this discussion.

Speaking of which, where is Mom?

Where's our mother?

How can she not be here?

I haven't seen her since I've been home.

She called a couple of times

and she said she's running late,

- but she should be here soon.

- God.

Kieran, do you want

any of this saag paneer?

No, thanks. Is there any krill?

- I'm kidding. Sorry, it's a joke.

- It just went over my head.

I can't believe Mom would be late

for my release back into the wild.

And here I was thinking tonight

was about Rachel.

Rach, I forgot to tell you.

Carol got the helium tanks.

The words Carol and helium somehowjust...

Hey, aren't there some rules

about helium tanks?

She would not have any idea

what to do with a helium tank.

I think that's only on public property?

Though, helium tanks.

- Yeah, it's a huge liability.

- Helium tanks?

- You're a lawyer?

- Was, for five minutes.

Say something legal.

Tort.

What do you do now?

Now I just help Sidney out

with the business side of his stuff.

Sweet.

- Do you want me to call her?

- No, no.

- There she is.

- Oh, my God! Mom!

- Mom!

- Darling, hi.

- Kym! Come here, honey.

- Thank you.

Did you get my note?

Yeah.

Let me look at you. You're beautiful.

- No, I'm fat. Rehab makes you fat.

- No, nonsense. You girls.

- Is everything okay?

- Yes.

Mom, where have you been?

- Everything's fine.

- Did you get the dates confused?

No, no, everything's fine, honey.

- Introduce me around.

- This is Sidney's family.

This is Carol-Jean. This is my mom, Abby.

- Congratulations.

- And this is her husband, Andrew.

- Andrew.

- John, Abby, my mom.

- Pleasure.

- Don't you steal her.

- Hi.

- Nice to meet you. Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- And this is Grandma.

- Hello.

- Emma!

Mom, you look so great.

Really, you look amazing.

Honey, don't smoke. I don't think it's...

Can you smoke here?

- Yeah, yeah, totally. It's a private party?

- This is the best man, Kieran.

- Nice to meet you.

- Very nice to meet you. I'm Kieran.

How's Grandma?

Is she still surly and irascible?

She's great. You know Grandma.

She sends her love.

- Great, same.

- You want to sit?

Go put the cigarette out,

'cause I don't think it's fine.

- Sit.

- Just put it out.

- Just put it out.

- Okay. It's going out.

The father of the bride and the father of

the groom are not supposed to do anything

but grin like jack -o' -lanterns

and write checks,

and I think that's what we've been doing,

John, you and I, yeah? Right?

Williams' family. Carol-Jean and John.

Beautiful sister Kyrah.

And of course, Grand Mama Herreast.

And Specialist Joseph Gonzales.

As the good doctor said to start us off

with the meal,

we're glad that you're out of harm's way,

and we want you home for good.

Happy to be home. Thank you.

Williams' family, welcome to Connecticut

and its complicated tax structure.

We just met.

I just want you to know

how blessed we are to be

joining forces with you, and we've just met,

but I'm going to tell you, we love you.

Well, I have known Sidney for...

What is it? Fifteen, 20, 20...

Most of my life, most of my life.

He's been a great friend.

He's been with me through thick and thin.

And

I'll tell you,

sometimes it's gotten very, very thin.

But he stood by me through all of it and...

My friend, it is a pleasure and an honor

to be able to stand by you

on this profound occasion.

I love you, and you couldn't have done

any better here.

Cheers.

We are gathered here to celebrate love

pure and simple.

Rachel is pure. Sidney is simple.

May the two of you live and love

for as long as you want,

but never want for as long as you live.

And most importantly,

may all of your ups and downs

come only in the bedroom.

- You're paying for that, Emma.

- I can't believe I just did that.

- Be careful, be careful.

- Don't cut yourself.

I want to make a toast to the happy couple

'cause I want to come visit you in Hawaii.

And, Sidney, what's the name

of that place again?

It's Hunuku-ook, Hunookook...

Yeah, what they said.

So I've known the bride her entire life.

Not biblically speaking.

Except for that time we French-kissed

at Evan Yasky's party? In ninth grade.

Stop!

- Film. I want film.

- It was a dare, you know.

So commence embarrassing story.

Wait, that wasn't it?

So do you remember when I was teaching

you how to drive in the Wagoneer,

and you sideswiped that taxi

and knocked off his side mirror?

No, I have no recollection

of that whatsoever.

Well, well, well, I would like to share

with everyone that Miss Rachel,

before she had her license

or knew anything about how to drive,

managed to out-maneuver an irate,

screaming cab driver

all the way across 96th Street

to the East River,

handily avoiding two EMT guys

loading an old lady

onto a gurney or something.

And then she got the number of one of

the EMT guys and went out with him twice.

Yeah, that I did do. Three. Three times.

Hey, Rach,

was that the guy with the peroxide hair?

So, anyway, when the cab driver

finally caught up with us,

she talked him down from

his Middle-Eastern fury in like...

Mahamoud! Such a nice man!

In like, you know, pretend Arabic,

Farsi, Urdu, I don't know.

And then she uses his radio thing

to call his dispatcher

and recommend him for a commendation

because she's so sweet.

So here's to a woman who can

drive fast, pick up a paramedic,

make up foreign languages

and still get you home in one piece.

And, Sidney, you're a lucky bastard.

Hear, hear.

I prayed for you, Rachel. I prayed for you.

I knew you'd come, and here you are,

and we are one, all of us.

And this is how it is in Heaven.

Just like this.

Amen.

And I'm so glad we're having

a rehearsal on it now.

Yes, it's the little princess.

Here's to you, Sid. I love you to pieces.

You're the best brother anybody can ask for.

I want to give thanks.

I've known Rachel since kindergarten,

not quite her entire life, Emma, but...

So you win. But...

I just... I'm so grateful

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