Rage Page #6

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an excellent investment. Excellent.

Very secure.

And now some clever journalist,

in a paper I do not yet own,

writes that M is for murder.

My marketing people did not warn me

of this possibility, Michelangelo.

No, they did not.

This was not what I had in mind,

not at all.

OK.

Did you get that?

Good.

As I've always said, you must look

for opportunity in every situation.

A lot of people would think

if they are...

...let go from an employment position,

for example...

...that their future

is not looking so very bright.

But, then, every ending

is also a beginning.

That's, guess what,

another chapter heading

for the book I'm going to write.

Which I will be having

a lot of time for from now on.

Also... leisure opportunities.

As a matter of fact,

I always wanted to dance.

Have you spoken to Dwight a lot?

You have?

Well, he's very bright, isn't he?

Very well educated.

They... seem to like that.

Yes, it's true.

I have been promoted, Michelangelo.

How did you guess?

You see, I made a counterproposal

to Mr Diamonds

after Bradley's proposal didn't go

over so well at the press conference.

I could see that Mr Diamonds was not

impressed by "M is for mortality".

Ladies don't want to be thinking

about death and dying

when they're buying a fragrance.

Anyway, so I thought,

under the circumstances,

why not change tack and target

the youth market with the perfume?

Actually, it was talking to you that

gave me the idea. You know that?

Yeah, young people, they have

identity issues and insecurities

about body odour.

Am I right, Michelangelo, hmm?

So I thought of "M is for me".

It works for the 12- to 16-year-old

out-of-control hormonal situation,

that teenage demographic,

and, then, as for the under-12s

with their...

so used to violence

with their video games,

that brand association of murder

and perfume... whoa, man!

That could really take off.

Now, well, Mr Diamonds,

he didn't exactly get it at first,

but then he got kind of excited

and he called it damage limitation,

Michelangelo.

And I think there's an amazing niche

right there... in damage limitation.

OK, Michelangelo,

I have decided to use these disasters

and rethink everything. Yes.

They want me to revise my collection?

Overnight?

OK, I will give them a collection

that they will never forget. Yes.

I will, I will... wrap everything,

cover it,

and I will call it

my burkha collection.

Yes, and then I will

rip everything to shreds

as if a burkha was hit by a bomb.

This is East/West, you see, in one.

Brilliant, no?

But my backer, my business manager,

my public relations people,

they all will say no.

Why should I listen

to their opinions?

Because, Michelangelo,

they control the finance.

Therefore, they only think

about what will sell.

What will sell a perfume.

Second, they are afraid

it might offend.

They don't want to upset people.

People like me.

Not because they care

about our feelings

but because they are afraid of us.

Do you understand?

And, suddenly, my designs,

they must attract people under 12!

What are they thinking of?

Suddenly, my designs must

attract children? I mean, children!

No offence to you, Michelangelo.

I mean no offence to you.

I am very fond of children. I was

once a child, too, but not for long.

You have to grow up fast

where I came from, very fast.

Yes, Michelangelo,

a very successful meeting.

Sometimes you just have

to be firm with designers.

Ultimately, they are reliant

upon my investment,

but they do tend to forget this

from time to time.

They get emotional...

but then everyone gets emotional

when they feel

they may lose their position.

But as Mr Trump says,

it's not personal, it's business.

Now I am going to have

a little word with Miss Carvell.

I have some ideas for her column.

See what an education

you're getting here.

How to run things from the top.

Are you learning things?

Good.

Yes, I did meet with Mr Diamonds,

Michelangelo,

although, quite frankly,

it is none of your business.

I'm absolutely fine, thank you.

Hmm.

Now listen up, Michelangelo.

See, I have observed

that you have been speaking

to the exact same people

I've been speaking to.

Sometimes ahead of me.

Maybe you have a fascination

with this fashion universe

and you is trying to make

a reputation, reputation, reputation

with this little camera.

Or maybe, as beauty provoketh

thieves sooner than gold,

you is stealing the truth

out of their mouths,

and by the time they get to me,

they is all talked out!

So... just what exactly

have they been saying to you?

Anything you want to pass on

brother to brother?

Hello, Michelangelo. How are you?

I have good news, Michelangelo.

My photograph was

in a magazine for celebrities.

My face.

Actually,

it was an action shot, falling.

So... And, also, Otto is phoning me.

He is telling me that a big producer

is phoning him

to offer me a very good role

in a commercial.

It's for the bad guy, actually.

The villain.

The killer, actually. With a knife.

All right, I'm gonna tell you

something, kiddo.

I woke up last night thinking

about it. I couldn't sleep at all.

First I thought,

"Who am I gonna talk to?"

And then I thought, "Michelangelo."

Because you're a good listener.

I mean that, really.

But it's not an easy thing

to talk about.

Because...

Well...

Maybe...

Maybe it was my fault

what happened to Bonnie.

And Dorothy.

Because you see, in a way,

Minx wanted them dead.

But a girl can't help her feelings,

can she?

That's all they were.

Private feelings.

Private thoughts.

I didn't really want it to...

You know.

What do you think,

Michelangelo, honestly?

Do you think I made a mistake

with my career?

You see when I was born...

...mother decided I was to be

something respectable, reliable.

So you can imagine,

when I started playing with dolls,

mother started crying day and night.

It was a nightmare.

And that's when I began

to dream of being a psychiatrist.

To stop mother from crying.

And then one day,

a man told me I was beautiful,

asked me if I wanted

to be in a commercial.

Big hair, big eyelashes, big fur.

Vodka.

It was a big success.

They called me Minx,

sent me to New York,

and I sent money home to mother

and she stopped crying.

That's when I learned that

the best medicine is money.

Money.

I still dream of being a psychiatrist.

Because I think I could help people

with their problems.

Really I do.

Do you?

I've been developing my ideas,

Michelangelo.

And I'm here

to make a proposal to you.

I've seen your site.

Yes, I have.

I know my way

around the web, all right.

Now if you put your mind to it,

you could become

one of our brand-awareness

operators, Michelangelo.

You could become... an influencer.

Do you know what that is?

That is a kid...

...who sets a trend.

And we employ a lot of them.

Now tell me, OK, honestly.

How many hits

did your site have yesterday?

Wow! Really?

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