Rain Man Page #7

Forgive me. I've lost

my secret decoder ring. 4-5-4-5.

- You're already number 18.

- Got it. 1988, I know.

It's my book.

That's my pen.

- It's definitely very small in here.

- Small... and safe.

- You don't wanna miss the party.

- What you're witnessing is real.

Do you know that?

There's a party in your honor, Ray.

When we get to L.A., a custody hearing.

My lawyer's setting it up.

You know why there's a party for you?

'Cause you're the 3-million-dollar man.

- What you are witnessing is real.

- Ken Aldorf.

- The participants are not actors.

- Charlie Babbitt.

- Fart.

- Yeah, I'll hold.

- Fart.

- Did you fart?

- Fart.

- Did you f***in' fart?

Oh, man.

Get the smell out.

- How can you stand that?

- I don't mind it.

- Ken Aldorf.

- Ten minutes to Wapner.

Ken? How are you?

This is Charlie Babbitt.

We're definitely locked in this box

with no TV.

I just heard about this $10,000 charge

for every car.

- They're definitely gonna start--

- How can this be?

- 'People's Court' starts on the--

- You're telling me another $40,000.

They start on the button.

They definitely start on the button.

I've got a problem.

I'll call you from my next stop.

We're not gonna make it

to the program.

- Definitely have to go now.

- Yes, we're going, Ray.

- Just take it easy.

- Eight minutes to Wapner.

Where am I gonna find

a television around here?

- Eight minutes to Wapner.

- We got eight minutes to Wapner.

Come on. Come on.

You wanna get in there

and see the show?

Wanna get in and see the show?

Listen up.

There's not another farmhouse

in sight. This is it.

You act weird, we don't get in.

You Listening to me?

- Yeah.

- I want you to look normal.

As normal as possible, all right?

Just put your hands down.

Don't rock and moan.

- Four minutes to Wapner.

- Just shut up and stand there.

- Yeah. Uh--

- Don't rock and moan.

Put your hands down.

Good afternoon, ma'am. I'm Donald

Clemons from the A.C. Nielsen Company.

- You're familiar with our work?

- You mean the TV ratings?

Yes, ma'am. You've been selected

as a preliminary candidate...

to become our next Nielsen family

in the tri-county area.

- My husband's not home.

- If selected, you'll help shape...

television programming

viewed by our entire nation...

in return for which

you'll receive a check...

in the amount of $286 each month.

Who's he?

That would be my partner,

Mr. Bainbridge, who does sample--

- That's it.

- Oh, boy.

You'll miss your program.

- It's finished.

- One minute to Wapner.

One minute to Wapner.

I had you in there, Ray!

Defendants! Plaintiffs!

You had it all!

They're in there

making legal history, Ray.

- Legal history.

- Oh, boy!

- Oh, boy.

- What is going on out here?

I'm sorry, ma'am. I lied to you.

That man is my brother.

If he doesn't watch 'People's Court'

in about 30 seconds...

he'll have a fit on your porch.

Now, you can help me, or you

can stand there and watch it happen.

We Like to watch cartoons.

You think he'd settle for that?

...and she sees an identical twin.

True, he didn't have his shirt on--

the other one did--

but they sure look alike to me.

If it got on his chest, even if it

didn't burn or got real cold--

- I put my hand on the dry ice.

- Daddy's not here now.

I wanted to take it off quickly

because it got very cold.

I also confess, I was afraid

I might burn my hand.

If I put it up

against a bare chest--

Ken, work with me.

I'll take care of you--

- You know that song?

- My judgment is for the defendant.

We'll be back for the reaction...

to Judge Wapner's decision

right after these messages.

- My credit card's been rejected?

- Yes, sir.

Must be some accounting error.

How much will this cost?

Twenty dollars, sir.

Thank you.

I'm never going back.

It's gonna be a Long time.

- Definitely gonna be a Long journey.

- Just a couple of more days.

You know the fella's name?

Then who's playing first?

- The fella playing first for St. Louie?

- You gonna start with this again?

It's just another motel.

You gotta do this every time?

That's the man's name.

That's whose name.

What are you asking me for?

I'm not asking you. I'm telling you.

Who is on first.

I'm asking you, who's on first?

- Yo, Ray.

- That's the man's name.

- This is not a riddle.

- Yeah. Know the fella's name?

-Yeah. Then who's playing first base?

-You'll never figure out who's on first.

Who is on first.

That's the joke. It's comedy.

Sometimes his wife

comes down and collects it.

- Whose wife?

- It's comedy.

Every dollar of it. Yeah.

You got a first baseman

on first? Yeah.

It's a routine

between Abbott and Costello.

When you do it, you're not funny.

You're Abbott and Abbott.

- Yeah.

- You understand me?

Sometimes his wife

comes down and collects it.

Whose wife? Yeah.

- Ray?

- Yeah.

- You are never gonna solve it.

- Yeah.

You know why?

It's not a riddle.

And if you understood that...

if you understood that it's funny,

you might get better.

All I'm trying to find out

is what's the guy's name on first base.

What's the guy's name on first base? No,

what's the guy's name on second base.

Have you got a first baseman

on first? Yeah.

Then who's playing first?

Yeah.

You know the fella's name?

Yeah.

Then who's playing first?

Yeah.

The fella playing first for St. Louie.

Who.

The guy on first.

Who. The first baseman.

Who is on first.

What are you asking me for?

Have you got a first baseman

on first? Yeah.

All right, Ray. Come on.

We're gonna put the bed

by the window...

we got your apple juice, we'll put

the pens and paper on the table.

- Did I forget something?

- The cheeseballs.

- Yes.

- Definitely have cheeseballs.

- I forgot the cheeseballs. We got 'em.

- I have to have 12 cheeseballs.

- Yes, definitely.

- Get my tartar-control toothpaste.

We got that for you

a couple of days ago.

Where's my toothpaste?

Raymond.

Remember that doctor asked you

those number questions today?

- Yeah.

- How did you do that?

I see it.

I see it.

What's that?

Will you stop for a second?

I see it.

Put that down.

I'm trying to talk to you.

When I say stop it,

why don't you stop it?

Why do you always have to act

Like an idiot?

- Yeah.

- You think that's funny?

Yeah, funny Rain Man.

Funny teeth.

- What'd you say?

- Funny teeth.

Rinse.

Why'd you say--

Why'd you say funny teeth?

You said funny teeth,

funny Rain Man.

'Rain man'?

I said, 'Rain man'?

Yeah, funny Rain Man.

Was I trying to say 'Raymond'

and it came out 'rain man'?

Yeah. Funny Rain Man.

You? You're the rain man?

- Who took this picture?

- D-a-d.

- You lived with us?

- Yeah, 10961 Beechcrest Street...

Cincinnati, Ohio.

When did you Leave?

January 21, 1965.

- You remember then?

- It was Thursday. Very snowy out.

- Just after Mom died. New Year's.

- Yeah, Mom died.

January 5, 1965.

And you remember that day

that you left?

- Short and sudden illness.

- You remember that day you left?

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