Raining Stones Page #5

now?

You don't, do you?

It's like... it's like when

you die, you go to Heaven.

Aye, well, if you've had no... if you've

not had your Holy Communion you can't get in.

Do you understand what I'm

talking about?

No.

Well, look at me.

/I'm looking.

He gives you the present of life so

that when you die you can go to Heaven.

If you don't have Communion,

you can't go to Heaven.

Now do you understand?

/No.

Oh, bloody hellfire!

Twenty, forty, sixty,

eighty, five...

Thanks, love.

Bye, now.

All right, Bob?

Hello, Ted.

Do you know a bloke

called Gilbert?

Gilbert?

Yeah, small guy,

moustache.

He's a smart-arse.

He owes Tansey money.

No. I don't know him, mate.

I just wondered if you'd

seen him about.

No. Don't know him.

Bye...

All right, Tracey?

I can't really give you

that money...

Never mind you can't give it

me. You know what the trouble is...

It doesn't matter about the kids.

We want the money. All right?

Yes, mate?

Dave Ward sent me down. I'm

looking for a guy called Mike.

Yeah?

He said there might be a couple

of nights work here.

Didn't realise that we were

advertising for a f***ing pot collector.

Right. I suppose I'd better get

you kitted out.

That's all we

f***ing need...

You worked in the clubs before,

mate?

Well, I did two years in the bar...

bar at the Milbeck.

Do you know

what the job entails?

Well, I can handle myself, if

that's what you mean.

What sort of training

do you do?

Training?

See, training's looking

after yourself.

I play table tennis

now and then.

Do you know what sort

of club this is?

He's a comedian.

Well, I can see it's not a f***ing

ballroom dancing club!

No, this is a rave club,

dummy!

Do you know how to do a proper

body search?

I'll soon learn.

Do you know how to handle people when

they threaten you with knives and guns...

Well, we all get together, don't we,

and sort it out?

It's like the old day...

Yeah, it's as simple as that.

It 'eight' fisticuffs at dawn.

Let's see what we got in me

toy box for you.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

It stinks, man.

You're joking, aren't you?

/It's a Riko's jacket, that one.

Yeah, it's to keep

the muggers away.

Shark repellant, I think...

That's it...

lovely...

Looks younger already.

I wouldn't go that

f***ing far!

Overstatement, sorry!

Mutton dressed as lamb.

Be on the Clothes Show next.

Leave it out, boys.

I've only come for a f***ing job,

not an audition as a comedian.

Pants.

Where do I put

these on?

Just stick 'em on now.

He's shy now...

Have you got something

different to us, eh?

We'll find out what a real

man he is.

Show us what you white boyes

have got.

Whoa! Cool man, look at

them undies.

F***ing hell, he's got

a sunbed!

Do you shave them legs

or wax them?

What?

Thought you said I was working

with professionals.

He's a f***ing pervert!

Doesn't hang on the door though,

do you f***ing Eric!

Hey, easy, get off

me case.

Not so much a Chippendale,

more an MFI.

Hey, Bob...

he went "wait" training once. Stood

at a bus stop for half-an-hour.

The track is...

you're in three nights

a week.

Wednesday, Friday

and Saturday.

Fifty-five quid a night.

In at ten o'clock, any later,

you're out.

No drinking and smoking

on duty.

If you're found with a drink or

a fag in your hand... you're out.

And no f***ing around

with the women.

Yeah, I know,

"Or your out!"

Get us a drink!

She's got something...

Tracey!

Jesus Christ!

/Bob!

Listen! Are you out of your

head or what?

What?

Don't give me that! I

just stood and watched you!

It's only...

I'm not on about that!

Everyone's at it in here.

That's why the place is rocking!

I've just seen you!

You've just passed something to a bloke

down there and he's giving you money.

You're a pusher! Come on, I'm

taking you home. /Get off me!

Your dad will bleedin' kill you!

/Will you let go of me!

Come on, I'm taking you

home an all...

Is this the ponce you're

pushing for?

Listen, mate!

/You f***ing get off!

F***ing get down there, you

bastard! /You f***ing twat!

I'll kill you, you bastard!

/He's a f***ing lunatic!

What's the f***ing

score then, eh?

He's a f***ing drug pusher!

Has anyone seen any

f***ing drugs?

He's seen f*** all!

F*** him off!

No! F***ing keep him,

I'll sort it out...

The girl's that pushing for him,

I know her!

Yeah?

/Yeah.

We f***ing know her.

She's a f***ing slag!

Her f***ing father's

a friend of mine!

Who gives a f***!

Look at the f***ing state of

your jacket. Get it off!

You're nothing but a f***ing

balloon, you are.

Don't f***ing need you here.

Look...

f***ing twenty quid.

Be f***ing grateful you got that,

you c*nt.

Does that mean I'm

f***ing fired?

Yeah, count yourself lucky!

/You f***ing bastard!

"Drug alert no to drugs

Say no to drugs"

Come on!

Come on, Rambo.

Oh leave it

out, love.

I hardly touched you.

All right...

Hope so...

I'll tell you what, you're going to

have a shower and in the morning...

Try this, love...

Bad...

now this is going to sting.

I don't know where

to start.

Keep still!

Jesus Christ, it stings!

Morning, Bob.

/Morning, Tommy...

Bloody hell, it's nippy,

isn't it, lad?

Right through the bones

now, mate.

Eye-eye! You been looking

through key holes? /Get away...

What have you done to your eye?

/Had a bit of a fight last night.

Fighting? Bet the other fella

doesn't go to school this morning.

I tried me hand at that

bouncing game.

You must be a bloody crackpot, that's

only for young bulls, that, lad.

Wages, Tommy.

Wages.

What did Anne say?

Well, I got slung, didn't I, so there's

not much she can say, is there now?

What, you got the sack

on your first night?

Well and truly.

Just as bloody as well.

Listen, this mate of yours, you know,

is he all right or what?

Sound as a pound. I've worked with

him loads of times.

And what's this job we're doing,

and where are we going?

I don't know where it is

and what we're doing.

I told you everything I know.

That's all I know.

Digging up turf?

Yeah, he's a bloody

ladscape gardener.

Here he is now.

Jesus, look at the state

of it.

All right, Dixie?

This your mate?

/Yeah.

Jump in the back.

/Sound as a pound.

Give us a shout

when you're in.

Okay... okay!

Not worth getting

out of bed for.

Go away! A tenner for two hours

work's not bad, is it?

We'll be back home before

the kids go to school.

Why can't we get involved

in laying it?

We'd make a few more bob

out of that.

He's got another gang there

doing it, that's why.

He's got a couple of gangs working

for him then, has he?

Got loads fellas working

for him.

He has one gang cutting it,

one gang laying it.

But he's got gangs all over

the bloody country.

Does loads of work, you know,

Dixie.

You'd think he'd have a decent

van... Jesus Christ!

What does he want a decent van for, for

bloody old soil and wheelbarrows and spades!

That's pushed my piles back

about a fortnight.

All right, let's get these shovels

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