Rancho Deluxe Page #6

on butte television. What'd you do?

Appliance repair.

One of us will have to

come up in the morning,

Wipe out the semi tracks.

After that, it's just sit back

and wait for payday.

Well-

Tell you the truth,

I got mine just about spent.

On what?

I'm gonna take me a winter vacation.

Gonna hire me a villa

down in Puerto Vallarta,

Where Elizabeth Taylor

and them go.

How's about you?

Aw, you'd just laugh.

I probably will, but...

why don't you

tell me anyway?

I wanna ask Laura

to marry me.

I was afraid

that was it.

Yeah, well, she'd be

just as surprised as you are, I guess.

We ain't got

that far along yet.

But I know that's

what I wanna do.

Did you get

in her pants yet?

Don't start in, Burt.

Did you get any tit?

Get any titty off her?

Curt!

Kiss me again, curt.

You know, honey,

I'm beginning to see the light.

Would this be the light

at the end of the tunnel?

No, this would be

light in general.

I am beginning to see...

what that little twerp

was trying to hide.

What little twerp?

II am not sure this would

interest you, Mr. Beige.

It has to do with solving a little

problem we have around here.

- What problem would that be?

- That would be rustling, Mr. Beige.

Well, Ill be dogged.

Listen at him now.

IYes, you listen

to me, all right. All of you.

We are the victims of crime,

And it just seems

to bore you.

IIt even bores you,

Mr. Beige. It don't exactly bore me.

Don't you understand?

I have got a hot lead.

Well, run her down then, son.

Don't let me take the fun out of it for you.

ITake the fun

out of it for me?

You aren't gonna take

the fun out of it for me,

You 2,000-Year-Old

rangeland cornball, and Ill tell you why.

Because you're gonna get

your shrunken ass...

the hell out of here

in 24 hours!

Well, 24 hours will be

just about fine with me.

Uncle henry!

John, I think this has been

in despicable taste.

I'm being bled to death

by cattle thieves,

I'm trying to keep from drowning,

and you want to review my taste?

You have got to promise me

that you're joking!

Laura?

It's okay.

It'll be

all right.

It's just that uncle henry has

always been such a nice person,

So good to everybody,

And it just broke

my heart to see him so old and helpless.

I know, darling, I know.

Don't call me darling.

Why?

Because!

I can't have anything to do with

this place after uncle henry's failure.

Oh, Laura-

I just can't!

Laura, please.

There's no chance for uncle henry now.

Another day

we'll be gone.

That great old man,

the great stock detective...

will have to look defeat

in the face.

But I still don't

see why I can't call you darling.

IOh, you can't see that?

No, I can't. I really can't.

It's because I love you.

And since uncle henry's failed,

I have to stick by his side...

and-And take him home.

If I let you call me

them endearments,

It'd just be admitting

everything I gotta leave.

And that would be hard.

Too hard.

It's okay.

It'll be okay.

It's okay.

I'll explain it to you.

Do you call this

real life, Cecil? It is to me, jack.

I'd like to not

give it up.

I just noticed how

wide awake I am. Now why is that?

Fear, Id say, jack.

How many pairs of clean socks you bringing?

I am not a monster.

I am a property owner.

John!

John, it's me, Cora!

What's that mean, Cora?

You sounded like

you were addressing the multitudes.

Well, it just seems

plain to me,

But Ive got the goods

on the rustler.

Is there only one?

I've got the goods,

that's all. Will you hand me a towel, honey?

I don't see why I should wait-

Just because it'd be polite-

For that dipshit

henry beige...

to solve this thing

at some remote future date.

That sagebrush nincompoop.

All right, john,

what are you gonna do then?

I am going to settle

this mess... today!

Let's go.

All right, now,

let's go.

Let's go.

Go on.

Let's go, cattle.

Go on.

Wilbur Fargo.

You know that,

brown.

You are under arrest.

Officer crane has the papers.

What's the charge?

You are charged with willfully destroying your

own automobile to collect the insurance...

and with operating

a rustling ring.

I thought you'd be smart enough

to use a different rifle for different jobs.

Now wait just a damn minute.

I've got some talking to do.

I'm glad you can deal

with this mother.

Fifteen gears?

Which you can split.

So that makes 30,

Plus Mexican overdrive.

You remember

to fuel it?

I thought it was full

when we rented it.

Check the gas gauge.

I didn't know

you were nervous.

Full to the top!

All right.

Ladies,

that handsome peach pie has caught my eye.

Let me serve you

a piece then.

Would you care for

a cold cola?

No, thanks.

Pie will be just fine.

Care for a chokecherry

tart, Mr. Beige?

Of course I do, but...

it's time this old reprobate

was going to work.

Hold still.

Now y'all take care

of yourself!

Thanks for the pie,

ladies!

What's Mexican overdrive?

Neutral.

Oh, gee.

Come out, boys!

Join the party!

Yes, sir.

Shut her down.

You're gonna stay a while.

Come on around

here, feller.

Okay, down the line.

Down the line.

Put the cuffs

on 'em, boys.

Ladies, Ill have

another piece of that pie!

Cora, Ive got it!

I've got it.

I know who it is.

I got it!

John brown, you come on inside

and let me buy you a drink.

Goddamn it!

I really trusted her.

I really thought she loved me.

Brown, here's my bill.

You can pay it, or you can use it

to wipe the pabulum off your chin.

- I'll pay it. - Don't make me no

never mind. I'm in it for the sport.

I'm gonna give you

a rule of thumb.

You foller it, and you might be able to

hang on to this ranch of yours.

All large-Scale crime

is an inside job.

Running up and down the road

a- Taking fingerprints...

and sending trash off

to the crime labs...

just don't get it done.

You're dealing with people,

you gotta be human.

Come on, henry.

Let's get the hell out of this pop stand.

I wanna get to great falls

and spend my cut.

You try to

remember it today.

Two-Year-Old steers

in the north pasture.

Cows, calves

and bred heifers in the south.

Got it.

And Ill make

the lunch while you practice walking...

that coin

between your fingers.

You can wash

the dishes while I practice card tricks.

Whatever you say, Cec.

We can find a way.

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