Range 15

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1

- You have

a collect call from...

- Ross Patterson.

- An inmate

at street justice films.

- Alright, so no sh*t.

There I was, on

this train to Paris.

- Will you shut the f*** up?

Shut the f*** up!

Shut the f*** up.

Shut the f*** up!

Everybody knows, okay?

Alright, here's to master

chief Bill Wizeniski

and Zack Kunkle.

- Every person

in the military says,

they day I get out, I'm

gonna party like it's the end

of the world.

- Good afternoon, Mr. best,

I'm gonna be your

public defender.

Seeing as how your actual

lawyer said and I quote,

"f*** him, let him

stay in there."

So, the court assigned

me to represent you.

Do you know what you've

been charged with

or are you too

drunk to remember?

- I was gonna have to hit

the refresh button, my man.

- Yeah.

How bout public intoxication?

- Do it, do it, do it, do it.

- Mat, don't f***ing do it.

- Bro, he's gonna f***ing do it.

- I'm gonna live forever!

- F***, not again.

- What the f*** man?

- Matt, give him

an r4 trauma bag,

it looks like he's got

a sucking ass wound.

- Nice shot!

- Disorderly conduct.

- Don't f***ing do it!

- Freedom to f*** off!

Yes, yes!

- Indecency.

- Bro.

- I know.

He's gonna f***ing do it.

- Hey, this taking lead?

- Hey, hey, watch the Prius.

- Oh, I just Lance

Armstronged your Prius.

That means I lost a ball in it.

- I bet your corp

watches the view.

Bro.

No, but really I bet

it gets good mileage.

- What?

- Battery.

- Oh sh*t.

I f***ing punched

Kesha last night.

I know this is gonna sound crazy

but I f***ing love your music.

- Then show me, mat.

- You know that's a

f***ing dude, right?

- What?

- That's a f***ing dude.

- F***.

- Why you have to

ruin all the fun?

- Yeah, why do you have

to ruin all the fun?

- F***.

- Henry Kesha,

Duluth, Minnesota.

This is why you're also being

charged with a hate crime.

And that carries with

it a class a felony.

You normally get it reduced

to class c misdemeanor,

I'd have to the court

that you were homosexual,

which isn't much of a lie

based on your sexual advances

from last night.

- I'll take the felony, brother.

- Too late, I've already

plea bargained for it.

You'll be out of here at 9 am.

It will count as time served.

Tell us you just got

out of the service.

See a lot of guys

coming through here.

Word of advice, find

your next objectives.

Something you can live for.

Choose a new goal to achieve,

learn from your

time in the army.

Don't let it dictate the

entire rest of your life.

- I got a plan.

I'm gonna get out, make

some Internet videos,

get famous and probably

make a movie one day.

- Good luck making

a movie out of that.

Next thing you'll tell

me is you're making

t-shirts for vets and

selling them online

out of your bedroom.

- Actually.

- Alright

young man, here you go.

Hold on, you ain't going

nowhere without me.

You know...

- by the way,

how's your youngest daughter?

I heard she's turned 18.

- She's doing fine.

She's doing even better

without you around.

- F*** you, b*tch!

- Shut up!

Aww, it's good to

see you again, mat.

Sarcasm.

- You too, Wilfred Brimley.

- Huh?

- Got you too huh?

- F***ing

arrested all of us, bro.

- I'm sure you're all innocent.

Try not to f***

each other in there,

it makes a mess.

- Oh bravo, Mr. best.

You know how long it's

been since I've been locked

up in prison?

Let me see, carry the two,

that's right, my

whole f***ing life!

- F*** you!

How was I supposed

to know that...

- Kesha, Henry

Kesha, you made bail.

- Call me if you want

to party and sh*t.

Your love's my drug, bro.

- Yet another great

night for Mr. best.

Let's go.

- Hey mat.

- Holy sh*t Jack, what's up?

- Not much, same old sh*t.

- Wait, you weren't even

at my party last night,

were you?

No, I got arrested on the way.

- So, we gonna...

We gonna talk about this?

- This, I was just

f***ing around.

- I can see that.

- Some wise ass filled

her box full of epoxy.

I went to Wal-Mart

to get the removal

and they arrested me.

- Did you know it epoxy in

it before you f***ed it?

- I had my suspicions but

everything speculation

till ya to jam

your dick into it.

- Here's what isn't speculation.

If Gene Vandenham were here

last night instead of you,

we wouldn't f***ing be here.

- Actually, this is exactly

where I thought we'd end up.

- F*** Gene and f***

you for bringing him up

and why is Rocco in the hallway?

- We told the guards that he

takes prison rules seriously.

- What the f*** bro!

I ain't gonna f*** anyone.

- Oh sweet, we can

play who's in my mouth.

- No, fair, I'm out here.

- Jack, stop f***ing the doll.

- Just hang in there

boys, there's something going

on outside.

Stay right where

you are, alright?

- F*** this.

Rocco, can you get out

of those handcuffs?

- Bro, you know how

f***ing big I am?

- Oh, what the f*** is that?

- Rocco, check your six.

- Hell yeah!

- F***ing killed man.

- Told you, big as f***.

- Alright, let's let us out man.

- Yeah.

- Jesus, Rocco.

You just t-boned him

with a metal pole?

- What do you want me to do?

Glue him to my f***ing dick?

- Is that what I think it is?

- Boys, I think our wildest

dreams just came true.

The mother f***ing

zombie apocalypse!

Sweet f***er of the mother.

- Holy sh*t, isn't

this f***ing awesome?

- It's Marcus Luttrell!

- For a second, I thought

you were Mark Whalberg.

- No, the little f***er

only played me on TV.

- Stop embarrassing me

in front of my friends.

- Bro, it's so f***ing

good you're here, man.

- I know.

Hey, you guys have been

saving my ass so many times,

I'm gonna do it for you.

Come on, stack on me,

let's get your frogman up.

Don't worry about a thing!

Hey mother f***ers,

you want some of me?

- That was a short book.

- This is how I'm gonna die?

- Looks like we're the

lone survivors now.

- Alright boys, bring it in.

- Are you about to go

full officer speech?

- What?

No, of course not.

- It's confirmed

we're facing some type

of zombie apocalypse outside.

- Are you sure?

- Try to stay with

me, simple Jack,

but judging from our boy here.

Looks like a blow to

the head takes them out.

- That sounds like pretty

standard zombie rules to me.

- Now, did anybody see

any weapons laying around?

- They have some

Billy clubs over there

and someone else

chained to the bench.

- Billy clubs it is.

What about a vehicle?

- The bar is at least

15 miles from here.

We're better off hitting

the pd impound lot.

- Yeah, there's some guns

and sh*t over there too.

- Alright, what's the distance?

- From here?

Two, maybe two and a half miles.

- Ah sh*t, that's far.

- Aright, let's maintain

360 degrees of security.

Stay tight, we don't need

to take it in the rear.

- Like your mom?

- That's what she said.

- It's time to Vandanham up.

- Yeah.

- If you speak his name again,

I will slap you and your

mothers delicious f***ing mouth.

- Somebodies jealous.

- He's right man, I actually

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