Rapture-Palooza Page #7

- Until what?

Maybe it will take at some point.

- Baby, I'm going to need more guns.

- Okay, I'm on it.

That really hurts... Damn!

- Ben?

- Yeah.

Will you stop shooting...

F*** you!

This can't be legal.

- Ben?

- Yeah.

Thank you, baby.

I know what you're thinking. B*tch!

Quick question.

- I'm getting pretty good at this, baby.

- I'm coming!

Motherf***er!

What are you going to do now, fool?

What time is it?

You don't seem like the type.

No.

No, that won't work either.

Go to bed, Little Beast. Little f***er.

But I have an idea.

How does this go down?

I need a screwdriver or something.

What is that?

-It's coming right at us!

- Ben, wait!

Ben, wait!

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

This is so bad, baby.

I didn't know, Linds.

I thought it was a rock. F***.

This is incredibly bad, Ben!

Okay, okay. Can we do CPR? Maybe?

You laser-beamed him, baby!

I don't think CPR is going to work.

I can't believe I did this.

How could I have been so f***ing stupid?

I feel really sick, Ben.

My dad's right!

I'm a f***ing idiot!

- Is that...

- What?

Is that him?

Idiots!

What have you done?

Okay.

- Well.

- Yeah.

Answer me!

Right, okay.

We sort of killed the Antichrist at first.

We did.

It was not nearly as hard as you might think.

Right. Yeah. We just shot him

with a regular gun,

and then Ben was hitting him with a shovel.

- Just bonked him.

- That was it.

You barbecued my son.

I saw this thing coming from the sky,

I had no idea what it was.

It could have been bad. He didn't know.

It could have been bad. I panicked...

And I...

Yeah. I laser-beamed him. I beamed Jesus.

I'm so sorry.

It was a total accident, though.

Yeah, total.

Do you two have any idea

what you have done here?

No.

There was a plan.

A rather detailed and specific plan

involving the final chapter

of all human existence!

Do you understand that that plan

is completely ruined?

We didn't mean to.

We are so just incredibly sorry, sir.

It was a gaffe.

It was a mistake.

It's all I needed to hear.

You're sorry. I forgive you.

It's kind of what I do.

It's all good.

We will just start over. It's no big deal.

It's not like I spent a lot of time on this.

Only 4,000 f***ing years!

You proud of yourselves?

You pathetic little shits.

F*** you, dude!

Don't, no.

You don't have to be so mean. I'm sorry,

but you don't have to be so mean.

What did you say, whore?

You heard me, man.

I said, "F*** you." You are being a dick.

- Not to God.

- You're a dick!

You're like a bug to me!

You made her.

Yeah. Good call, baby.

"You made her, so..."

- He doesn't talk like that.

- I'm not Southern.

You talk exactly like that, Ben!

That is how I made you!

He doesn't have a pinched nose.

What is that?

- You sound exactly like that.

- No, I don't.

- Give me that sweater.

- Don't do it.

Just give me the f***ing sweater!

Because I'm f***ing God. Give it to me.

- Don't do it, baby.

- Do it!

Don't, he has ajacket. Don't.

I want a sweater!

God, wait.

Look behind you.

You actually expect me to fall for that trick?

No, it's not a trick.

"It's not a trick." You're so stupid.

Earl! What the f***, man!

That's right, big boy!

This isn't about you, Earl.

It's all about me.

And my official name is Satan.

So, none of this "Earl" bullshit.

Okay, let me smite these f***ers down

and then we can talk. All right?

Do you think I want to talk? No, no, no.

All I want to do is kick your candy ass.

What the f*** did you say?

You want to go, Fat Prince?

Let's do it. Thou shalt whoop your ass!

It's on.

Come on, b*tch.

That's all you got?

You want some? Happy Meal?

Happy Meal...

You like that?

B*tch.

Time-out? No, you're

fresh out of time-outs, b*tch.

- Who are we rooting for?

- They both want to kill us.

Right.

Revelations, b*tch!

Maybe we should get out of here.

It is a pretty unusual thing to be watching,

when you think about it.

- Yeah!

- You win.

Get the f*** off me, Tattoo!

Now what?

Who the f*** do you think

you're f***ing with? Abraham?

I am the Lord!

Suffer!

Not me, you little f***er!

I'm gonna f*** your sh*t up!

Come on, Confucius.

I'm gonna bottle you, motherf***er.

I'm gonna f*** you up.

F*** you, Earl!

Almighty, my ass!

You are a terrible father!

- You are one to talk.

- Touch!

- Earl...

- My name is Satan!

I had enough of this sh*t!

Sh*t!

Wow.

I definitely didn't think that

was possible. Right?

You would have thought that God

would have seen that coming.

Yeah. Maybe he did?

His plan was to get

electrocuted in a Jacuzzi?

Most of it didn't make a lot of sense to me,

so it's possible.

They shot at me!

You f***ing idiots!

I should spank you both!

Wow! You did it!

You killed him.

- I knew you could do it.

- No, you didn't.

You just had to apply yourself, Benjamin.

That's all.

You said the opposite.

You're not a loser anymore! Good for you.

And who's that right there? Is that...

Yeah.

He's tiny.

Wow.

I mean, huh, right?

A lot of questions.

There he is! Dead zombie motherf***er.

Stop that f***ing lawnmower!

Stop it!

What the f***?

You killed him?

Thank God.

-It's over.

- Right.

- I'm free!

- We did it! We killed him!

No more beatings. No more rapings.

I guess that means I'm in charge.

I wouldn't take that leap.

That's a big leap.

I'm the leader of the world.

Bow down before me!

- No.

- What? No.

How come all of a sudden you're in charge?

There's as much reason for me to be

in charge as for you.

You? F***, no!

He thought you were the pool guy.

He used to rape you.

You have a massive head wound.

That is a brain injury.

So what?

You look like ajerk.

You guys.

Look at your mustache.

Most world rulers look like jerks.

Who cares? What?

You guys.

Awkward.

I just feel like, probably,

nobody is in charge.

Or, well...

Everybody's in charge.

Everybody's in charge.

So, it's a good thing.

We're all in charge.

We can be grown-ups.

- Everybody okay with that?

- Yeah.

You are definitely not in charge, though.

So what do we do now?

Just live.

That's what we're gonna do.

- Right?

- That's deep, baby.

Yeah.

Just live.

- Let's go make out.

- All right.

You kids be safe.

We're gonna live.

Yeah. I might...

I might go back to school.

- Yeah!

- Yeah.

I never went to college.

I know. I know.

It's over.

Okay!

It's so nice to be held.

Okay. Okay.

- You're so strong.

- Okay.

I like those big arms.

Don't make this into something it's not.

Don't make this into something it's not.

You didn't feel anything there?

No. Let's just live.

- Live our lives.

- Right.

- All right.

- Okay.

I thought with the mustache

and everything, you...

No.

No.

- You're sending a real message there.

- No.

"Put a dick in here."

Look at that.

Look at that.

Life goes on, man.

Life goes on.

After that night, things went back to normal.

Good Sandwiches went

from a smashed lunch cart

to a popular lunch destination.

Overall, I'd have to say

the future looks really, really bright.

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