Rapture-Palooza Page #6

All right. Fine.

Wait.

- What's that smell?

- What smell?

You know that smell?

What's happening, bros?

Do you want some?

No.

How much of this do you have?

I got a f***ing pillow.

He's got a f***ing pillow.

Come with me.

Leave the car running. Come on.

Come on.

Come, Beastly Guards.

Get your fat asses in here.

Drink the nectar of eggs.

Toast your new queen.

Make sure everybody gets some.

GO, go:
go'

To you, my dear.

God damn it!

I promised Little Beast

I would go say goodnight.

He will be crying all night if I don't.

Don't you want the drink, though?

It looks so good. I made it.

Don't worry. We will f*** soon. Duty calls.

Get your f***ing ass into bed, Little Beast!

No!

Don't be a dud, little f***er.

Kids.

Did I say anything that deserves that?

- So much.

- What a dud.

That's not a nice thing to say

about your son.

My sweet, protective, mother hen.

He's still a dud, though.

He won't be like our children.

Here's a naughty idea.

Let's have sex on his bed right now.

Let's wait until after dinner.

- Of course.

- Okay.

I gotta take a poop anyway.

This is going to be fantastic.

That's excellent weed, guys.

F***!

Are you sure I can't make that delivery?

Really quick.

Hold on one second. I forgot.

What did you want to do?

- You are so high.

- I am.

What do you think?

- Yes.

- Yes?

- What?

- He should go.

No, I think that's a bad idea.

No, dude,

don't be so f***ing paranoid, man.

Am I being paranoid?

Yeah, what if it's a f***ing great idea, man?

That's what I'm saying.

I'm saying it's a good idea.

Get out of here. Yes. Do it. Just do it.

- Okay.

- Do it.

Do any other wraiths want to party, man?

You should call them up.

Let's go to highville.

Do you want to blow up something?

Let's blow up Helsinki.

Buenos Aires?

Listen, I want to blow up

the whole world tonight.

- How do you feel about that?

- What?

- Yup.

- The whole world?

- Kind of.

- That is sexy.

- It is sexy.

- You're not the girl I thought you were.

- No.

- You little vixen.

You gonna blow up the world with me?

Yeah, I'm going to do that tonight.

We are going to the bust the world up.

- HeH,yeah.

-I'm going to bust all over your face.

Was that too much?

Are you ready to cut some grass,

Mr. Murphy?

Yup.

Now remember,

there is a lot that needs to be cut.

- So don't stop until you get all of it.

- No.

And don't let anybody stop you.

No.

You do know how to drive

one of these things, right?

No.

- Hey, you!

- Sh*t!

- Sh*t.

- All right, just mow.

F***.

Use your push mower.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, a**hole!

What are you doing?

I will kill you with murder!

I'm just cutting the grass.

All right, take him out.

How do you like that?

Go check him.

I'm just mowing the lawn here!

I'm mowing the lawn here!

I need everybody at gate two. Right away!

Everybody at gate two!

I got some sort of undead, lawnmowing,

dead, zombie motherf***er.

Stop your vehicle!

What was that? Did you guys hear that?

Dude, I don't hear anything, man.

Yeah, dude, you are being paranoid.

- Am I being paranoid?

- Yeah.

Dude, turn the f***ing music up.

Damn, this is good. Sh*t!

Nothing like a shrimp

and mushroom omelet, am I right?

Where was I, my dear?

Your ex-wife.

God, I can't even believe I did that.

I was young and stupid

and seduced by a natural blonde.

- Do you know what I mean?

- I think I do, yeah.

- Her pubes were blonde.

- Pubes, yeah.

My pubes are black. As you will find out.

You know the secret to shrimp is

to take out the dark line in the back.

That's their poo.

I poop a lot.

Three to four times a day.

That's why I'm so healthy.

Good. That's impressive.

I'm glad you told me.

Thank you.

Are those guards around?

Do they have any more

of that eggnog left? I'm so thirsty.

So, where do you want to go

for our honeymoon?

Not that it matters,

because you'll be getting face f***ed

the whole time, am I right?

Hey.

Let's stay here and just have intercourse.

And watch movies. I love intercourse.

I love movies. Are you a Vin Diesel fan?

I love Vin Diesel.

I knew it!

F***ing The Chronicles of Riddick,

are you kidding me?

It's the best. It's so underrated.

See. You see?

- I do.

- We are connected.

Right here with you.

Let's go make the beast with two backs.

Get it? The beast with two backs,

because I'm The Beast

and I got a back and you got a...

It's not that funny. Come on, let's go.

Yeah, we could...

We should...

We should go to the Jacuzzi.

Jacuzzi?

Sounds sexy.

It's going to be.

What the sh*t?

Dude, what the f*** are they doing?

I think I saw them take some 'shrooms, bro.

What is going on with your hands?

We should f***ing knife them.

- F***ing knife them?

- Yeah.

F***ing knife the sh*t out of them.

Stop your vehicle!

Oh, sh*t!

If I was a dinosaur,

guess what kind of dinosaur I'd be.

- What?

- A Lickalottapuss.

- Do you get it?

- That's so funny. I do get it.

Because I would be

licking your vagina all the time.

What are you looking for, baby?

I'm right here.

Ben?

Are you calling your boyfriend?

Come on, Ben.

Baby!

I thought we had something.

This hurts. I thought we had a moment.

Ben!

That's cool.

I didn't really like you that much.

Whatever.

Okay, Ben, seriously!

Ben!

Let her go, Antichrist!

This is who you are screaming for?

This Frodo-looking motherf***er?

He even walks gay!

I'm The Beast, baby!

Beastly Guards.

Most of them are chasing a dead guy

on a lawnmower.

Okay, what does that mean?

Wraiths, come to me.

F***ing useless potheads.

Just let her go, man.

Or what?

Or I will kick your evil ass.

Baby.

That's a good one.

Hey, I got a good one, too.

How about you do like this

to my booty-hole.

I'm warning you, Earl.

My name is Beast.

What are you going to do to me, anyway?

What, you going to kill me?

I'm going to lock you in a dog kennel.

I don't even know how to respond to that.

But you know what?

Seeing as how I have better things to do,

like make it with your lady,

how about I shoot you?

No!

God damn it.

- Back off.

- Give me that.

F***!

I killed Jimmy Neutron.

Baby.

- Back up.

- What?

What are you going to do?

You don't want to shoot me.

Unless you want me to come back as Satan.

Don't push me. Okay, Earl?

I'm really sick of this crap.

And honestly, you in particular.

You are so lame.

I'm lame? You're dating Peter Brady.

I've been letting you say

this gross sh*t to me all night.

I'm not afraid of you.

The fact that anybody is afraid of you

is incredible.

If they knew what a child...

It doesn't matter, I will shoot you.

I will totally shoot you.

Whatever.

That's for being an a**hole.

Let's party, baby.

F***!

See you later, baby.

Oh, sh*t.

Baby.

Baby, wake up. Are you okay?

Why do I keep getting hit in the head?

I don't know. I'm sorry, baby. I shot him.

Baby, I killed him.

- Where?

- I'm serious. Right here.

F***. I am unstoppable!

Now what do we do?

- Just keep killing him.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes